Hello! I’m a trans man (ftm, pre everything) and I’m in a relationship with a cis man. We’ve been together for about three or four weeks now but have known each other since 8th grade (we’re both 20 now, so we’ve known each other for about six years).
Last night we probably got the closest we have ever gotten to having sex but the condom he had wouldn’t fit, plus I haven’t reacted well to being fingered in the past. He wanted to make sure nothing hurt and that I would be okay during this process. So, he fingered me for a brief moment before I stopped him. Normally I stop him because I get this weird urge to pee when I’m coming close (it makes me super uncomfortable when it happens), and I had it this time around, but I also got this sudden pain in my uterus. For some reason, as I was getting close, I got this weird pain that kind of lead up to where my right ovary is. It kind of felt like a nerve was being pinched but I’m not sure.
So, having explained that, I have a few questions to ask. Is it normal to get that urge to pee when you’re close? If not, how do I stop it? I hate that feeling so much. Also, what could have been that pain? I haven’t felt that before and it kind of scared the shit out of me. Although uterus was hurting all day yesterday and having these weird cramps that are pretty unusual, so it might just be an effect from that.
Other then those questions, I have one other that doesn’t quite relate to what I mentioned before. I’m a dominant switch and my boyfriend is a submissive top. Despite being a dominant switch though, I have a tendency to be pretty anxious when it comes to initiating things (especially new things). Usually he has to initiate and I follow unless it’s things that aren’t super new to me. As the more submissive one, he expressed that he would like it more if I was a bit more dominant. I’ve been working on it but what are some things I can do to build my confidence?
2 comments
Reformatting so people can actually read this damn thing
>Hello! I’m a trans man (ftm, pre everything) and I’m in a relationship with a cis man. We’ve been together for about three or four weeks now but have known each other since 8th grade (we’re both 20 now, so we’ve known each other for about six years).
Last night we probably got the closest we have ever gotten to having sex but the condom he had wouldn’t fit, plus I haven’t reacted well to being fingered in the past. He wanted to make sure nothing hurt and that I would be okay during this process. So, he fingered me for a brief moment before I stopped him. Normally I stop him because I get this weird urge to pee when I’m coming close (it makes me super uncomfortable when it happens), and I had it this time around, but I also got this sudden pain in my uterus. For some reason, as I was getting close, I got this weird pain that kind of lead up to where my right ovary is. It kind of felt like a nerve was being pinched but I’m not sure.
>So, having explained that, I have a few questions to ask. Is it normal to get that urge to pee when you’re close? If not, how do I stop it? I hate that feeling so much. Also, what could have been that pain? I haven’t felt that before and it kind of scared the shit out of me. Although uterus was hurting all day yesterday and having these weird cramps that are pretty unusual, so it might just be an effect from that.
>Other then those questions, I have one other that doesn’t quite relate to what I mentioned before. I’m a dominant switch and my boyfriend is a submissive top. Despite being a dominant switch though, I have a tendency to be pretty anxious when it comes to initiating things (especially new things). Usually he has to initiate and I follow unless it’s things that aren’t super new to me. As the more submissive one, he expressed that he would like it more if I was a bit more dominant. I’ve been working on it but what are some things I can do to build my confidence?
So, a lot of people with vaginas tend to feel that the “urge to pee” is actually an orgasm, or the build up to an orgasm. Unfortunately you just gotta ride it out if you wanna find out if you like orgasming that way (its okay if you dont like that as well!!). If you dont want to feel it, you kinda need to tone down the stimulation to something less.
The pinch in your ovary, are you sure it was an ovary and not like a kidney? (not implying you dont know where things are but i tend to confuse the spots sometimes) And weird cramps is kinda a sign to see a doctor. Theres not much to go off over the internet. It could be anything. It might not have anything to do with your ovaries or uterus.
As for confidence, well it might be helpful for it to be a team effort. Micro exposures to things, like small initiating and having him confirm that its something he likes.
Open communication and affirmations.
Remember that he likes you and enjoys you. But just start small, and slowly build your way up. You can ask him what he would like you to do more and what turns him on and what he sees you initiating means.
He likes you, so he’ll like what you do. And if he doesnt you can talk about it with no judgement or rejection or anything you are afraid will happen.
People also tend to do what they want to be done to them, so however he initiates is a way you can try for him. And then just go from there.