I broke up with my ex 7 months ago,due to his mental health issues that he’s refused to get help for that has impacted our relationship greatly. He has AVPD,and pretty much ghosted and alienated everyone in his life. We recently got in contact again,and are on the verge of getting back together. We’ve been on & off for much of our twenties.
But I found out how he handled our breakup and it’s making me doubt things,a lot. He fled the country and went to his family’s home country,which he always does after a breakup. It’s common behavior for him to run from his problems in this way,so I expected this.
He had sworn off drugs due to his codependency & a bad experience doing a very hard drug,but I found out that he ended up doing a lot of coke while there…In addition to sleeping with 15 women,which really shocked me. He is not someone to sleep around,and for some reason this kind of hurt me to hear. He also partied intensely, got a bunch of tattoos,and ghosted 4 therapists in that time. Individually,many of these aren’t super alarming,but when I put them all together I struggle to move past it.
He told me it was a really dark time. I know he wrote about of poems about how he was struggling then (and me). I feel shallow for it bothering me so much,but it makes me doubt his stability. And frankly,the many one night stands are just jarring for me. I feel bad for feeling jealous that he did that.
I didn’t sleep with anyone during our breakup. I kind of just sat at home,swore of dating to work on myself,and worked on my college courses. I feel like it’s wrong for me to feel this way,since we were apart and he didn’t owe me anything. But it still hurts and is painful to think about. My friends say it’s a sign he didn’t cope with our breakup well,but I find it hard to see how he moves on so quickly doing that.
TLDR: My ex-boyfriends drug use and promiscuity & refusal to get help for his mental health issues are making me doing getting back with him.
2 comments
I may not know all the particulars of your situation, but based on what you provided I will say this:-
This dude’s problems are just piling on and on with no possibility of it stopping. So you gotta ask yourself, why be involved any further with him? Especially if his problems eventually becomes your problem too.
Also, do not fall for his words so easily. He’ll say anything and what you want to hear in order to get back and repeat his vicious cycle.
Forget about him. It will take time, but do so for your own sake. As for him, if he won’t swim from his troubles then let him drown.
Wow, um… so you broke up and you worked on yourself, while he escaped into drugs and sex…
I am going to not recommend staying, or at least taking a break and reevaluating this. You sound like a young lady that doesn’t need a man (but would like one) while he sounds like a male that can’t handle reality.