27M dating 30F found out she has different political views than I do

13 comments

1. My parents were married for 40 years and every election day, they went down to the polls and canceled each other’s votes.

   The idea that one’s political philosophy must be in sync with one’s partner’s is an extremely recent phenomenon.

2. Peoples politics have become almost religion at this point. I think it’s important to remember that regardless of what you believe, deep down most people are good and want what’s best for themselves and those around them. You might fundamentally disagree with what’s best, but as long as you can discuss those differences openly and without hostility, I don’t think it’s a good reason to throw away a possible connection.

   It of course depends on how important your politics are to you, though. If you can date someone who’s apolitical, it sounds like they aren’t *that* important, so maybe it’s worth seeing if you can overlook your differences with this woman.

3. You say you don’t bring up politics right away becasue it’s not that important to you and then you say you don’t like to date people that are right leaning? Which is it?

   If you only want to date Democrats then you should be talking about that before you even bother to meet. Figure out your priorities and live accordingly or you are wasting yours and everybody else’s time.

4. Hard to say it may or may not create a serious problem down the road. I’m not political. I have preferences and opinion but i never vote. I’m not in a position to date but if i was my dream would be to find only likeminded on every level because any slight disagreement today can be a disaster tomorrow. I would want to be in agreement and find common ground on everything.

   Yesterday walked into a store girl clerk had a sticker on her chest “i voted”. Yesterday they voted for something here i’m not even sure what it’s about. I can’t imagine having a gf or wife who does this. Or even a friend. Maybe a distant acquaintance, someone i happen to know. Voting usually ends in them incessantly complaining about politics and how nothing they can do about it. I don’t get involved in politics. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who does.

5. Well if it bothers you then leave or just get to know her more and see how you feel about her later. Personally I’m a moderate and connect the best with other moderates. Dating someone who’s too right leaning or left leaning annoys me especially too right leaning because I don’t know what it is about them but they can be such massive dicks. Plus I just prefer people I’m very similar to so there’s less arguments. I don’t want to get into some weird political debate with someone

6. So the secret is to socialize, befriend, even date people who you do not agree with. Firstly because no two people are 100% in agreement about everything, secondly, because if you just talk to them, you will see that they are human just as you are. And when you talk, you can begin to see others perspectives, critique them, have yours critiqued, think and ponder. Then when you see that they are not evil incarnate, perhaps wrong, misguided, or even correct on some things; then you build a relationship of respect with them and this disgusting hostility we see in society today can be greatly reduced.

   To be honest, this whole ban happy thing that we’ve been going off on for the past decade or so with the internet, has really deteriorated peoples abilities to think critically, openly and empathetically. A passionate or heated debate is much better than silencing people or even jailing them in some cases, because you feel like you’re right when they’re silenced; they feel like you have no standing and only know force; and nobody actually grows at all. The most difficult thing we can do is listen to the people we are prejudiced against, I’ve been there, you’ve been there, we’ve all been there. You just want to shut them out, not even look at them. And that’s your prerogative, we all have the right to associate with those we wish, but it’s a good exercise in improving your own arguments, positions and ideas when they’re challenged. And hey, you might end up learning something too. But above all, it avoids the pent up frustrations and sparks where people feel like they aren’t being heard or don’t have a voice.

   All of this is to say that the best way to show that what you believe works, whether it be political or whatnot, is to actually live it and more importantly, share it with people and treat them like they’re just as human as you are. Don’t look down or them or worse yet, denigrate and insult them. It’s very sad how much of that has just become normalized in our society, it’s dehumanization all around and all emotional based rhetoric. If we can’t talk, then there’s only violence and subjugation left. Thinking what or how someone is in your head is not the same as actually getting to know them.

   If you don’t want to date her, that’s fine. It’s important that people share values as that’s often the best foundation for a lasting relationship. But if you two are talking, things are going well and you find out she is strongly political one way or another, talk more and see if you’re truly incompatible(Which is fine) or if you’re letting your own projections get the best of you.

   Best wishes.

7. I understand where you are coming from however I don’t think it should be a deal breaker. There are many examples of long-lasting couples that don’t agree politically. I believe that if you really care about them you are willing to look past stuff. Within reason of course.

8. Different political views typically mean different values overall so….

9. As an atheist queer woman whose best friend is a Hispanic immigrant daughter I can’t date Republicans.

   My dating profile says “Conservatives need not apply”

   You say you don’t talk about politics with dates until it starts to get more serious. I advise rethinking that and trying to filter out the ones who have different values and opinions on important topics unless you only want them as a casual hook up.

10. Here is another example of a lefty saying they’re inclusive when they’re not inclusive at all.

    I used to be liberal until things became a little too liberal. It happens to a lot of people.

11. This is so stupid. Reality doesn’t reflect the culture war that is happening online. You both probably share 90% of the same problems, just like everybody else. Stuff that matters.

    Do you both really have to agree on weather or not men can get pregnant? Will stuff like that really affect the life of you two?

12. People have divided into a million different directions today. Its going to be damn near impossible to find someone who has the SAME values as you do. I try to look for COMPATIBLE values, which include values that are way different than mine. So I’m wondering- I want more deets- just how far apart are you two? Are you really not willing to date her just because she belongs to a different political party?

    For me, I’m generally left or even far left on economic issues (socialism, healthcare for all, expanded welfare, education spending etc). When I vote, these are the issues that take up 90% of my bandwidth. They are the issues I really care about, that I’m passionate about and argue with people about. And I could simply not care less if my future wife wants to cut corporate taxes, melt the icecaps and deregulate the banks.

    But I am a social conservative, and although those sorts of issues matter way less to me as a voter, in some cases almost vanishingly, they have a huge impact on how I approach dating. I was once on a date with this woman who was high up in some public school administration and she was BRAGGING to me about how she had gotten the school to stop doing the pledge of allegiance. I was deeply disgusted, in a way I could never be over what someone thought about tax policy. Moment she finished her story, I got up, said “I’ll take care of the bill” and never looked at her again. I had this girl I was into, who was very obviously in to me, and we would flirt with each other a lot. Finally she asked me out, and I turned her down. I never told her why because she didn’t ask, but what was floating around in my head was this time she gave this nasty rant about how proud she was that she’d had an abortion. And all I could think in my head in the five seconds my brain was processing that she was asking me out was “if the condom breaks, she’s going to murder our kid.” We’re still friends, she’s a really fun person to be around, but I would never get naked with someone who would do something like that and be proud of it, no less allow them within 100 miles of mothering my kids.

    I’m sure you’re different than me, but the dilemma is the same. SAME vs COMPATIBLE. I can’t see what being a republican- on its own- has to do with that, I feel like at that stage you don’t have enough information and you should give her a chance and get to know her better. But I’d love to hear more if you know more about her. Like have you discovered a specific issue you two disagree about?

13. Smh. Ask her about it.