I really only want serious answers please. Why do most men exclude black women from their dating options? And if they do include black women it’s usually limited to just casual sex. Is it just purely about looks? Are we just not attractive enough? or is it something else? Is there anything that an be done to increase our desirability or are we just out of luck?
41 comments
Just never had the opportunity. Plenty attractive though.
I’m hispanic but most women I’ve dated have been black. One thing I’ve noticed is that there’s a cultural barrier for a lot of people. Most people date within what is acceptable to their culture, which usually means within their own race. Hispanics in particular don’t date outside very often because our culture is strongly tied to our identities. Asian cultures are very similar, and white people… well there’s a lot of racism there still, and even the more understanding dudes might be worried about the “stigma.” Fact is, interracial couples are still not that accepted, particularly among older people and areas that fall under a single demographic. The amount of times I’ve gone out with an ex and had all eyes on us was ridiculous.
I think black women are the ones that don’t wanna date white men š
Iāve always wanted to date one, but they donāt seem to find me attractive lol
I do, If the right black woman came a long I’d absolutely date her.
This is tough to answer without saying something that someone will label racist or misogynistic, but I’ll do my best. Single motherhood rate might have something to do with it (it affects all dating to an extent due to more men rejecting dating single moms). And it may be the stereotype of the aggressive loud black girl. And in any case, if it’s an interracial relationship it is a lot more rare to begin with.
I only have my own perspective, which is that of a white European guy who didn’t even meet a black woman in real life until my mid-twenties. The percentage of black women that I consider physically attractive is much, much lower than the percentage of white women that I consider physically attractive. I’m not really sure what the difference is. My best guess is that I have a ideal image of womanhood in my subconscious mind, imprinted during puberty, and it’s difficult to shake now.
I think, generally speaking, black women are viewed as masculine and crass. Not saying that it’s true at all, but there’s also a lot of colorism and racism in dating.
This happens in the gay community too. I think it is a lot of social programming. You arenāt crazy.
Ready for the downvotes so fire away.
Outside of the black community, if you remove the typical anti black racism, there are still preferences that donāt target black women, but are just preferences that black women find it harder to live up to.
Like in middle school I had the biggest crush on a black girl. But she was tall, thin, had long straightened hair, and was very soft spoken and feminine. But I like those traits. In combination with light skins, my preferences put me at odds with most black women just from experience. And I notice itās the same in reverse. Iām not that attractive to black women.
Unfortunately those previously mentioned traits are not the perception most people have or black women. Black women in America as a group are usually more overweight, have a reputation for being too āstrongā or masculine and donāt have the traditional long hair men of other races are used to seeing.
This gives most men a bad image of black women right off the bat so you have to really go out of way to disprove stereotypes to be seen beyond as just a black woman.
I think the same for Asian men. I realize that women will see me a certain way because of the way I look so I should show them that im more than just an Asian man. And if they canāt see that, then oh well.
The angry black woman stereotype
I live in a big metro city and Iāve snagged dates as a Black woman with people of various ethnicities and cultures and age groups and most other Black women I know do as well. But there are a lot of options here. I didnāt have this experience when I lived in a smaller town in a different state.
Being from NYC, you get used to seeing beautiful black women all the time. But in my current city, which is like a suburb compared to NYC, itās not the same. Not many local black women that I would consider attractive, and I hate that I can say this. White people are the majority by far around here, so you see more beautiful white women by default. Most of the beautiful black women I see around here are college students who came from out of town. So theyāre only here part-time, and beautiful black women around here are few-and-far-between enough as it is, at least around here.
You’ll never get an honest answer on here because any negative response will get downvoted or get called racist or get told you can’t generalize. And if a white male ever gave a response to this publicly he could lose his job and all hell would break lose
As a black man, I’ve only ever dated black women. Imma sit this one out.
I’m not a man, but I do date women. Personally I love black women, think they’re absolutely gorgeous, but yeah I’d be terrified to date some. Mostly because I’d be so afraid all the time to talk out of turn or put my foot in my mouth somehow regarding race issues. One minute you’re not allowed to talk on people’s behalf and the next you’re not fighting for them enough… It’s a cultural and racial thing that will somehow always show up in the relationship because unfortunately, society is still dragging behind.
Iām a woman and I think my female African-American friends are very wonderful but they also have a very specific preference for the type of guy. My friends donāt find most white guys attractive and we live in a pretty diverse city. Iāve seen them finding Middle Eastern men very attractive but also Middle Eastern men arenāt very attracted to them due to cultural preferences and religion.
I do find black girls physically attractive, dated a few, never went anywhere serious. Most I feel there was too strong of a culture barrier. Usually have very strong personalities. The one I really got along with but she lacked in other areas (work ethic, motivation).
Just my personal experience
I will try to be as honest as I can. If it’s racist then I guess I am racist but at least I’m honest.
I do not find black men or women attractive. That isn’t to say that I won’t date one. My preference is often Arab since I am Arab.
That isn’t to say that I won’t ever date a black person, it just means that my eyes do not actively seek a black person. If I happen to meet someone who is black and I like them, then yes I would date them and I would find them attractive if I find myself developing feelings for them.
I think this is largely due to the fact that I am rarely surrounded by black people. I live in Arab country and I do not see that many.
I also think that people generally seek out people of the same race due to our human nature. We tend to go after familiarity most of the time.
Also, the things we are exposed to affect our attraction to people. If you grow up watching white people on screen and they’re usually portrayed as the main character or the desirable one, then you can’t help but feel attracted to them because you’re almost conditioned to think of “arab” “asian” “black” as the more desirable one depending on what you’re exposed to as a person.
One last thing, I’ve noticed a pattern where if a white man is dating a black woman, it’s usually because the white man grew up in a predominantly black community.
I would date black women but it seems they wouldnāt want to date white men like myself. It seems like black women only prefer black men
Southern white man perspective incoming:
Letās get this out of the way first. Iām not a racist. Iāve dated all races. My friend circle is mixed. yeah I know this sounds like talking points but itās the only way I could think to get it across that Iām not an actual racist due to the above statement.
Now thatās out of the way my first experience with dating a black woman was lackluster. we had some differences and thatās fine. We must really well. We eventually found out that we want a different things in life and, we separated amicably and relatively mutually. The biggest obstacle for me to dating another black woman is frankly racism. Itās not just white people. yeah thereās a southern grandpa sitting in the corner, sometimes making ugly faces at me. I expected that. Itās the south. you donāt just forget several hundred years of persecution overnight. You also canāt get rid of racism overnight, unfortunately. This was expected I knew this was gonna happen. however, what surprise me the most is the racism/prejudice that I experienced as a white man dating a black woman from Black people. I was taken aback. I guess we have the view in this country. that white people are the only ones that need to work on racism. I had the same view. however, it isnāt true. while dating her, her friends, her family, and just random black people. Felt the need, to ask her why she was dating a white man. Comments with range from ā why is she dating a nice black boy? ā to something youād expect to come out of the most racist person in the world. She was viewed as a race traitor by her own people. Honestly thatās the biggest obstacle. I donāt want to deal with that again. not saying that I wonāt. Itās just a lot more mental effort to deal with. we went on a trip out of state to a primarily black area. we ran into a March that if it was on the 9 oāclock news and the people who were in it were white the whole country would be in an uproar. we were stared at, heckled ,and generally made to feel like we didnāt belong. Pan Africanism is only getting bigger and is a growing problem. A problem mostly ignored. there were sections of the city that I live in which is primarily black. That we couldnāt go to over for your violence. she told me point blank ā donāt be here after dark because this is your sundown town ā
Idk. It’s not something I’ve experienced. I’ve never dated a black women but I’ve never avoided dating one either. Bruh I’d take anyone if the vibes were right.
Black man here i date black women!
I’m not from the United States, but I always see on tiktok that it’s the other way around, black women don’t like white men very much, the only ones who accept more outside of black men are Latinos (black or brown, not white ), but in general they tend to look down on Asians quite a bit. and when they refer to the characteristics they are looking for, it is usually 6.5″, fit, 8″+, 120k+ salary and preferably light skin, I don’t know if they say it only for videos but I have seen many where the same thing is repeated . The only videos I’ve seen where men have come out saying they wouldn’t date a black woman, are black men, mostly because of personality (very strong personality). Maybe it’s not your appearance, but your personality.
they do lmao. if you spend your entire life asking āwhy donāt people want to date me?ā no one is gonna wanna be with you. itās the same reason why insecure short guys donāt get any play; they spend too much time comparing themselves to others and asking why people donāt like them. itās that mentality that drives people away and makes them feel as if theyāre on the hot seat, not the fact that theyāre shorter. no one wants to be with someone that spends most of their life concerned about what others think. gain more confidence, put yourself out there, and play the field. not everyone is gonna find you attractive and thatās ok. but some people will, and thatās all that matters. yes, as minorities thereās a disadvantage in the dating field (what with all the fetishizers and racists) but thatās life. thereās nothing you can do about it except to be your best self. fuck all the hypothetical āwhat ifs?ā ask yourself this too, would you want to date a guy that says āno one wants a black guy š„ŗ you probably think iām ugly and undesirable haha.ā i promise you that life will be better if you get out of that mindset. what iām saying is very blunt (and itās your prerogative to disregard it if you so choose) but yeah, just do you.
edit: took a peek at your post history and i mean this in the most respectful way possible, work on your self-worth and perspective before you start dating. otherwise, itās gonna be a very rough ride og.
I would. Latina women really like me, my interactions with black women have not rendered the same results .
Dating outside my race was always something I’ve been used to since I started. I’m not opposed to dating black women honestly but it’s just where I was raised and the environment. I was raised in a rough area growing up but was considered “too white” or “too nerdy” to be black. You know how some folks can be. I’m a 90s kid. It wasn’t until like 2008 when it was cool to be a blerd with many
I had plenty of black crushes as a kid (I still say 90s sitcoms–black women ran that shit) and asked out a lot, but I was always too white. shit sucked. Honestly I was just accepted more by women outside my race. White, Hispanic, Asian and it kind of just stuck.
Obviously the women I liked do not represent black women as a whole, but remember I was a kid if the 90s and community and school is was all we had
Again, dating a black women isn’t outside the realm of possibility. As I grow older I think I’d prefer it. but honestly it’s just something I felt comfortable with since I was a kid
Personally for me as an Asian man, I notice the black women who are into me are also into Asian culture and seem to want to date me because I’m Asian and not for any other traits of me. I’d have no problems dating black women but I’m sure they of all people know how slimy it feels to be fetishized based on the singular aspect of your race.
Most people want to date people that look like them. People that they can relate to. Iām black. Iāve been with everything, and Iām open to everything. But, Iād prefer to marry a black woman. Also, most black women are married to black men. Ridiculous to see these statements that black men donāt want to date black women.
OP, by black women do you mean you or are other black women in your area having the same issue?
I’m really attracted to black women in general. I’ve only dated three black women in my life. Unfortunately all three had extreme religious backgrounds that got in the way. That’s the only reason I ended things.
Same reason lots of women donāt want to date asian men
It’s due mainly to the fact that most people date those that they’re familiar with and have been around most of their lives. It’s an unfortunate reality that most races still self segregate on their own.
It’s the same with every race really, I’m sure there is some scientific reason behind it that I’m unaware of unfortunately.
Sorry to put it like this, it’s an American thing. There’s a lot of misunderstanding and “white guilt”, which we as Europeans have no clue about. In fact, most of the black women that has been in my life have had a strong preference for white European guys. There’s no awkwardness about skin color, it’s just a matter of fact.
Most of my dating life in my 30s was about awesome black women, it wasn’t really a preference but that’s how it turned out. Married twice, both to extremely cool and college educated black women. Proud dad of a teenage kid too!
There isn’t a straight answer to this, I don’t have any such reservations tbh. But here’s what I think about why this is the case, sort of a hypothesis if you will
* 1, The media generalizes dirty as dark, so for example when you look at an ad for a face cream, they don’t really show a person with dirt, they show someone who’s dark-skinned turning to white, I saw this in some online website which ties it to a brand & a pretty popular one which advertises this ([https://www.indiatvnews.com/trending/news-fair-lovely-skin-cream-to-drop-fair-from-its-name-twitter-erupts-with-memes-629170](https://www.indiatvnews.com/trending/news-fair-lovely-skin-cream-to-drop-fair-from-its-name-twitter-erupts-with-memes-629170))
* 2, Until only recently there was a bias in the movie industry against ppl of color, this has only changed in the past 5-10yrs, it’ll take time for this to be understood & realized fully. Major studios still have this reservation, this happens quite commonly in India still & there’s no way around it.
* 3, Same goes for fashion shows
* 4, Same goes for sports people as well, especially Footballers (European football)
* 5, Until recently I’ve always wondered why advertisers only advertise white women on their billboards (This hasn’t changed a lot), I’ve seen this in many many countries. Then I saw many videos on the dark side of the advertising business.
I’m a man of color myself, brown precisely. I’ve for some reason never felt good about it, I’d always looked at myself & thought “Would I have been better if I have a couple of shades lighter? would people treat me better? would I have a couple more opportunities? Would I like myself then? am I adequate? Do I stand a chance?”, I even felt this while wanting to start a youtube channel with my face in it, “Would I look good? Is it fine if I’m not white? Will I be undervalued in a community if I’m not white? ”
**Conclusion :**
What I’d say is, there has been a good representation of ppl of color for ages, & when this’s the case, when you don’t see ppl represented in the widespread media correctly, then you get the feeling that you are the only one, like we’re left out, & this eventually cultivates as beliefs & facts. A fact is generally something most people believe, we all go with the flow bc going against it is an absolute ordeal, so ppl never really give it a chance bc they think they are right. I think this is changing already, but it’ll take time for a large majority just believe it & accept it as a fact.
As for you, I think you shd be really proud of yourself, I think that everybody is special & you shd feel that way as well. Unfortunately, I’ve never been comfortable with myself
I think this is a case of you generalizing your experience as though it is all experiences. I date black women. Two of my three longest committed relationships were with black women. You are just meeting men who likely don’t get involved in committed mature relationships in general. Or, maybe you personally aren’t very datable. Maybe you should try analyzing yourself, why would men not want to be in a real relationship with you? I don’t mean that as an attack in any way. But, in any situation where someone has a problem that seems to repeat itself, many times, even with many different people, then the only common denominator is the self. Which is more likely; all men don’t want to date black women, or, many men don’t want to date you specifically? If you want a healthy relationship, then you have to be ready for one, seek self improvement, and perhaps consider that the type of men you pursue may not be the relationship type. I wish you the best of luck, and have a wonderful day!
Fear due to harmful stereotypes and ignorance
I’m a man, and I don’t care what color the women’s skin is. It’s all about their ability to be in a relationship. If they’re terrible companions, then I don’t want them in my life. Regardless of color.
For me, as a white man, its usually a toss up between a culture or personality difference. Physically speaking, I’m insanely attracted to taller women closer to my 6′ 2″ height and black women more often fit that bill regardless of weight. However, nearly every time I have attempted to get to know them or even flirt, Im always turned away.
The last 3 times Ive asked a single black girl that I liked out, Ive been given the “ew, no” look twice and laughed at once. The time before that, we went on two dates and I was told that I was “too white” and that our upbringing didnt mesh well.
After being turned down so thoroughly and most recently being laughed at, Im hesitant to go out of my way to pursue more black women. If I were to be pursued or asked out, sure I’d be more than happy to give it a shot if I was attracted. However, at this point Im just simply more confident in my chances with women of other races since I have a much higher success rate there.
In the end, I guess I just feel like I dont have the “right stuff” to be attractive to black women.
Is this really a thing ? Iām actually kind of shocked ..
Statistically speaking (and this is of course just a generalization, there are exceptions), people usually date within their own race. [https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2017/05/18/1-trends-and-patterns-in-intermarriage/](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2017/05/18/1-trends-and-patterns-in-intermarriage/)