(approaching women) I’m am 0-50 in 3 months

41 comments

1. Perhaps put yourself into your comfort zone? Whatever your hobbies are, try to meet someone publicly at one of those events?

   Keep your head up dude! Sometimes it’ll just come to you when you’re not looking for it. Make sure you’re completely comfortable being your own person beforehand 🙂

2. no one knows, it seems to be something innate, and you’re born with it or not

3. >I haven’t gotten a single date. Not one. No one even gave me mild interest.

   Cold approach has a notoriously low success rate. In fact people who are really good at it get a 10% success rate at best, so in your case only 5 women. There are three things you need to be successful at this:

   1. Being really good at talking to women.
   2. Being as physically attractive as possible.
   3. Approaching hundreds of women not just 50.

   >Online dating I’ve had 4 different people stand me up. I’ve since stopped even bothering with online dating.

   Men outnumber women by a lot online so its tough. But if you really work on your profile and your messages you can reduce flaking.

   >The girls I’m going after are about as attractive as me, maybe a little more.

   Its going to be challenging going for girls more attractive than you.

   >The only thing that lowers my attractiveness is my gut…I’ve got about 30 lbs to lose.

   Losing weight and lifting will help your dating a lot, especially if you are doing cold approach and online which heavily rely on first impressions.

   >but I’m fucking trying, trying hard as hell and I get no results. No interest.

   Are you going to social events and activities where everyone is there to socialize? Do you have a social life and make friends easily? Many guys meet girls through their social circle.

4. Hmm interesting post. First of all forcing conversations usually doesn’t lead anywhere. When you step in to the room don’t just go talk to everybody you see. Gauge the room first and just observe what type of women are there and see what their body language is like. You’ll notice that some women are naturally more open to conversation then others. Base your selection from there and even then DONT approach yet. Enjoy the party or event by yourself for a bit or with your friends. The reason for this is because your energy will come across as social before you approach. Which will give you a better chance of a woman accepting your approach. Then from there pick 2 or 3 for the night that you’re interested in and just have casual conversations. Less is more sometimes. Ask open ended question such as what makes them attend the event or what hobbies they have. From there see if you can carry conversation and then introducing your photography hobby which is actually really cool bro! In the beginning don’t worry about the end result. The approach and conversation is more important. Then once you feel like it’s been going well ask to meet up again for something casual like coffee or tea or an art show etc. these places give you more of an opportunity to have more casual conversation and have mutual interest grow. From there before you know it you’ll have women to talk to and to casually date or even become romantically involved with.

   Good luck brother!

5. Stop focusing on a numbers game and “women” and try to cultivate good friendships and hobbies in your life. Nobody with a brain is interested in be female specimen #51, if you don’t think of a person as a individual it will shows.

6. I think maybe the problem is that you are trying too hard to find it.

   In my experience the best ‘connection’ and ‘love’ comes when you least expect it and when you aren’t even looking for it.

   The famous saying “if your looking you won’t find it” rings true here.

   Be YOU! Do your hobbies, travel, go hiking, go snowboarding. Whatever it is that you love to do.
   Eventually it will just fall into place 😌

7. I was just talking to a man about this the other day. He was looking for advice on cold approaches and I hated to burst his bubble, but told him that almost all the times I’ve been cold approached I wasn’t interested or available. One time I accepted a date and then after spending 10 minutes with him, immediately regretted it. A cold approach has never led to a relationship before IME.

8. It’s hard to say exactly why you’re struggling as I am not present in any of your encounters. I can tell you as a woman I am very aware when someone asks me out because they’re genuinely interested in getting to know me as a human and someone who’s asking because they just want to find anyone who will say yes. Genuine question, all of these women you’ve asked out…. did you actually form a connection first to see if you’re both in the same page… share the same interests etc? Or are you just picking anyone and everyone off the street? The reason is ask is because if you cold approach, a lot of women in that moment will say yes because they have no clue who you are and could get angry or violent with a turn down. No clue how you will react so it’s easier to say yes in person then no via text.

   It just comes off as trying to catch a fish, you don’t care what kind you get…. You’re at the point of just trying to catch one for the sake of it.

9. Find a volunteer opportunity in your area that you would enjoy. You could offer your services as a photographer or just pitch in. That way you’re getting to know people outside of your hobbies but still within your interests.

   As you get to know people, you’ll make friends. Friends beget romantic relationships.

   Bonus: volunteers are usually people who are kind, compassionate, and of a high caliber.

10. I just did a video on the topic this week, it’s called “Why Women Reject Guys in Public.” (not gonna link it because this forum is not about promoting) But if you want to look it up its my new channel called **CPR For Your Social Life**. (I just started it so not much traction yet!)

    Anyway here’s the thing, if you’ve made almost 50 approaches without a good result, that tells you that you’re practicing the WRONG THING, essentially! This really isn’t a numbers game, it’s a “picking the right method” thing.

11. If you’re already putting yourself out there don’t hand out your number, get theirs and text them. People tend to forget or not take action. You should be able to gauge interest better when reaching out to them

12. But I’m 5’11 and white

    🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

13. It’s all about her.
    If you flirt with a girl and she leaves with her friends (you give her your #) and then you spot another girl and then repeat the same thing. Chances are girl 1 wasn’t interested and girl 2 already saw you flirt with the other girl earlier. A woman wants to be center stage. If that second woman approached you she’s interested, but if you approached her…then she will feel like you are cool with whomever you see as long as she’s attractive enough for you to approach.

    What type of guy are you?
    Me personally I look for the shy guy in the corner aka I’m usually the hunter lol Most guys won’t approach me outright because they usually think I’m already taken or married and if they do approach me I’m usually nice and kind, but ultimately not interested. (that’s why I didn’t approach them first)

    I think it would help you immensely to explore your interests in online dating. I know it hasn’t worked in the past, however since you are new to the area and it doesn’t sound like you have an established social circle then you need to be honest about your interests and hobbies on on your profile. Women will start conversations with men who share the same views or have similar hobbies

    Ex. I like Anime, Cosplay, Art, History, Documentaries, FPS, DND, Interior Design, cooking, Animal crossing, Cats, cartoons, Science, Halloween, Comedy and weed. All are excellent convo starters. You have to be yourself, and be patient

14. Dude just find a hooker and be done with chasing women.

15. The way you talk is as if there’s a mathematical formula to this. The rating numbers for yourself and women, thinking that attempts equal a certain percentage of success, talking about your height and skin color is all very bizarre.

    The one thing that you don’t mention is what these conversations are like or what the women end up taking away from them. I’m going to take a guess and assume that you don’t have ant interests or hobbies that appeal to the women that you’re talking to in these situations.

    Too many men don’t seem to realize that if a woman is looking for a partner, she’s going to imagine your day to day lives together. What kind of things will you be doing together for fun, where will your personalities take you and what you and your interests are going to bring to her life. Someone can simultaneously be the nicest and most boring person in the world. In the end it comes down to whether or not having you in her life is going to be an enrichment in some way. And I don’t mean financially, I mean are you going to bring her laughter, happiness, adventure or are you just some nice dude whose dull as a rock.

    And when you say you’re not coming off as desperate or creepy, let the women decide that. No one thinks, “I’ll try the creepy approach”. Almost every guy that is being creepy doesn’t think he is.

16. You: I want a girl, any girl.
    Girls: I don’t want to be “any girl”.

17. I can only assume you aren’t a 6-7 like you said, tbh

18. It’s not win or lose bud, don’t keep a tally, just keep doing you, be confident, look in the mirror, self reflect on why you constantly get rejected

19. [deleted]

20. Women give strangers their numbers because they are afraid of what will happen if they say no. They feel safer rejecting you like that.

21. If the last paragraph is true then how many female friends do you have? Also many women just don’t appreciate being bothered by strangers when they are just minding their own business, I don’t know any women who would go for something like that, parties and concerts seem much more acceptable than stopping women in libraries and places where they just go to eat.

22. How do you know that the women you’re talking to aren’t taken? Do you ask strangers if they’re single or actually looking for a relationship? Many women are just nice by default. Most women that are nice and friendly and beautiful are probably already taken. They might not bring up their boyfriend to a conversation with a strange guy though.

23. Bruh you creepy

24. Hmmmm
    Online dating is a bust, and you are actively working on it.
    Have you told your friends about this and have they seen you in action? Where you go wrong and what could be improved?
    As a believer in numbers, you’ve fought the good fight, but lets fix the approach to things.

    It feels like after batting 50 times you didn’t get to feel good on any pitch (apologies for the baseball jargon).

    Your friends/people around you would know better on what to do and improve to get you on first base (proper date).

    Good luck guy!
    I’m rooting for you, hopefully you’re not doing anything creepy!

25. See you at the gym

26. 17 years ago, I got divorced when I was 33. I was 40 pounds overweight and couldn’t get a girl to talk to me. I decided to focus on improving myself instead of manically trying to get a date. I stopped shoving unhealthy food in my mouth, Hit the gym, and in 4 months had lost all the weight and got toned up. During that time I immersed myself in reading Men’s Health Magazine. It gave me amazing insight in dating life and health. I zeroed in on insuring that I was aware of my hygiene and how I presented myself. Women zero in on all that – your hair, facial hair, breath, nails etc. I also took styling tips the magazine offered – sometimes buying exactly what the model was wearing online. I got a make over and some new digs. I cannot tell you how a properly fitted sport coat with a collared shirt, pants/jeans, and shoes pulls off a look of maturity and style. Then I started going out with friends afterwork and on weekends to bars, restaurants, local music events downtown… The change in how I was received was night and day. Women were looking at me. Women were sending me drinks. Women were approaching me. I even had the satisfaction of turning down a woman who rejected me 6 months prior and didn’t even recognize me. Through it all my confidence soared and dating was never an issue afterwards. What I learned is that is when you take stock in yourself others will take stock in you too.

27. Even if you give 100 women your number, *none* of them owe you anything. You’re looking at it like a tally or some sort of video game objective when in reality it’s not that simple. Whether they get back to you or not is entirely random.

    Also, you’re not going after the “10s” so what? The others owe you a piece of ass because they’re not on that scale?

    Sounds heavily like you need to get an attitude adjustment and hit the gym. Maybe you should work on becoming a 6 or 7 in terms of personality and maturity. Then maybe the physical “6s” and “7s” would find it in their interest to give you that text you’re craving so much.

28. We don’t know how you really present, but I do applaud you for the effort you’ve put in despite being an introvert. As a fellow introvert, I’m a little tired imagining you doing all of that. I also applaud you for your confidence.

    You rated yourself 6-7 and I’d say that’s where most Instagram models hover at, so I imagine you to be pretty good looking. That itself should at least get you a first date in my opinion.

    Not giving off desperate energy and not being pushy isn’t something you can determine yourself though. There are obligations one can feel even though you’re not being pushy as you say. When a staff turns the iPad asking for you to pay and then that cursed tip screen pops up, doesn’t that make you uncomfortable even though the staff says nothing to you about tip? Some people have no problem putting no tip but it does make a lot of people uncomfortable.

    Cold approaches do freak me out a bit because it’s a bit of a risk to go on a date with someone I don’t know anything about and they haven’t made any conversation with me at all, just hey I’m interested in you, here’s my number or what’s your number.

    I gave one guy a chance when he cold approached me and it wasn’t good. He showed up high on whatever substance he took. I was glad I didn’t let him pick me up (he offered).

    I wouldn’t say no to all guys cold approaching me, but hopefully he’s made some conversation with me beforehand to gauge my interest. Some guys have also made conversation only to find out I wasn’t for them so they never ask to exchange contact info. That’s good too, saves a lot of time. If anyone does a complete cold approach to me, my answer will be based off how young they seem. I’m saying no to all late teens and young adults. I’m older and I’ve been having run-ins with young guys.

29. Women DO NOT WANT to date strange guys that just walked up to them.

    That’s why the whole PUA thing exists–to *get around* that.

    If your goal is to sleep with as many random women as possible, and you don’t already fit the bill, then that’s probably your only choice.

    But if you want to start relationships in a normal way, you have to get to know women before you ask them out. And they will likewise feel more confident accepting your offer if other people they know, know you as well–you have a decent reputation.

    Go join an interest-based community or two. Obviously, focus on communities that aren’t majority men. Get involved. Get to know people.

    You can continue to connect with random women, but don’t ask all of them for their numbers or ask them all out. Wait and see if there’s a real connection, or a genuine funny or impressive moment, or if they seem more interested. When you ask them for their number, let it mean more than “Hey lady, I think you’re an 8.”

30. How long were you at the costume party? Let’s say you were there 2 hours, that’s still less than 10 min a chat, that wouldn’t be enough to compel me to text a guy. I can’t speak for all women, but unless I’ve talked to a guy enough to get a decent feel for his personality, I’m probably not going to bother. Dating is a long slog, it sucks but it’s true, and you can’t speed run it in my experience. The guy who I’m in a long term relationship with now, tbh I never would have given him a call back after a 10 min party chat, but he was someone who was actually interested in me as a person and not just for my ass and that led me to realize I wanted to be with him. Sure, maybe friendship isn’t what you’re after, but if you don’t think having women friends is worth your time, I think that energy also shows through and not in a good way. On a totally selfish note, if you do get friends that are women, they can give you better/more personalized advice on your irl dating quest

31. Let me break this down for you: 1st women rejects you, you believe it was her own lack of interest. 2nd one rejects you and you still feel the same. 3rd rejects you too, you start to feel as though you are the problem, and start to desperately try to change strategies. When the 4th rejects you, you get to desperate to try and change your approach and even though you do not see it yourself, it is easier for others to spot your desperation. At this point, your confidence is at an all time low, and whenever you make an effort, it just comes off as trying too hard.

    This is the flaw with the numbers game. Women are really not special in the same way men aren’t. You just need to lay back and approach people out of genuine interest instead of hoping the law of large numbers works in your favor. This way, when you talk to someone, you can genuinely sound interesting. When playing the numbers game, low confidence from constant rejection and desperation easily lead to more rejection. Even men reject women who exude the same desperation. Whenever you feel your confidence dropping, take a step back, focus on yourself and once it is up and running again, go for the hunt (genuinely this time). The importance of this is for you not to lose yourself in the rejections and merely become a mediocre person trimming parts of themselves away in favor of hoping to get into a relationship. The more original you are, the less the rejection hurts, this is so, because when you do not constantly change yourself, and again, approach genuinely, you will start seeing a pattern of what you like and do not like and what others prefer. You approaching 50 people in 3 months in hopes of getting a relationship out of at least one of them tells me you yourself do not know what you are after. Simply put, you are at, at this point, a mediocre man willing to warp himself into unwanted shapes just to fit in with the crowd. And I do not mean this as an insult. The likelihood of you finding someone with whom you really click sadly does not lie in random numbers, however lies in the number of genuine encounters you make with other people.

    Take a step back and work on yourself and you will improve. Good luck!!!

32. What did you like about them besides their looks? It sounds like you’re not really connecting with them in a way that makes them feel heard or valued. Ignore the desperate energy thing – try to figure out what you really value in a woman on the inside, then only ask her out when she shows you this (and don’t ask someone out who doesn’t). Make sure you’re listening to her, asking questions, and genuinely getting to know her. For instance, approaching 13 women at one party doesn’t give you the chance to develop a real connection with anyone, and you probably also get a rep that you’re there to pick women up (and so no one is special).

    Like if you prefer funny girls, and she makes you laugh a few times, just be like “wow. You’re funny. I really appreciate a witty girl. I’d love to grab coffee some time to have more fun chatting.” Or something like that. Even if you’re just eventually looking for hookups, there still needs to be some level of connection there.

    I also assume this not just from the cold approach but from the flakes on online dating. I’ve had women ghost me or not respond to messages, but I’ve never had someone stand me up oddly. I’d like to think it’s because I genuinely am curious about them.

    Also, I noticed your comments about not liking people much. That will come across. And the lack of friends can be a red flag for women, even if it’s surprisingly common among men. You may want to consider looking into an old book by David Burns called Intimate Connections. He’s a therapist and is big in the CBT realm, and some advice is very outdated, but it’s worth a read if you can get it on Amazon. He actually brings up the idea of not liking people as one of the traits people pick up on and how you can work on it.

33. Hard to say why you’re struggling, I don’t know you personally or seen you in action. For me personally, the number of women that I’ve approached are far less than yours, but results are the same. In my case, I know there is something about myself, fundamentally, that is preventing me from finding love, and that thing is confidence.

    The kind of true confidence that let’s a woman know through verbal/non-verbal cues that you’d be capable of of being her rock in a relationship. Life is tough, and in order to overcome it, you have to grab it by the balls, but also stay calm and collected.

    I think most women can sense when your the type of guy who can do this – I think this makes up a huge part of their attraction towards a man. Work hard, keep busy, and be selfless towards others.

34. The problem is that your goal is the phone number instead of the connection to another person. These aren’t women in your community that you’re connecting with, they’re strangers living a completely separate life except for the blip when you talked to them this one time. Will you ever see any of these women again as you live your life? Probably not.

    It takes time to build a relationship. You meet, you chat, you part ways, you meet again and have another chat. You learn more about them before you ask them out.

    You can ask for a name on a first meeting of a cold approach. But it should end with no more than a “see you around”. And you don’t seek them out. You live your life and if you see them again, you say “hey, I remember you, how’s (whatever y’all talked about the first time). At the end of that conversation Then you can ask for contact information. Build rapport. Don’t be a stalker.

    Asking for a number should feel special, not like a quota.

35. I started feeling bad for you and I was actually sympathizing with your situation but then you started with the absolutely bizarre and incel-like “I’m a 6/7, I’m not going after 10s” BS and I just rolled my eyes soooo hard.

    King, *this* is the reason girls don’t like you. You’re clearly desperate, and perhaps you don’t see it yourself, but I can assure you that if I had a conversation with you irl I would 100% notice that you’re thirsty and that, in your head, I’m nothing but a number, nothing more than a hole for you to stick your dick in.

    If you want to get laid so badly, babe, seek a sex worker. But if you actually want a relationship with a woman –be it romantic or platonic– you have to let go of this sad, pathetic, incel personality. This will come as a shock, I know, but women are more than just objects you can rate. Believe it or not, women are people! I know, I know, who would’ve thought.

    Also, sadly, there’s no magic equation or magic number that’ll help you hook up. I dunno if you’re good with maths, I am, I’m an engineer (and a woman too, yes we exist!), and I can tell you this: if you’ve done this spiel 50 times, 50 times, fifty times in a row and it hasn’t worked… king, you’re doing something wrong. You have to change the way you’re approaching the problem. Change your way of thinking, embrace a paradigm shift.

    Also, babe, the “I’m white bit”… I mean I’m not shocked you’re also racist, misogyny and racism often come hand in hand, so you might wanna work on that too!

36. 2 things:

    1. I think your entitlement level is too damn high. “but it should work after 50 times!” Nope. If you do 50 times a variation of a crappy technique/approach, it’s still the same crappy thing.
    2. I’m sure these women smell you from a mile away. You’re way too DATE-focused.

37. How long has it been since you watched Beauty and the Beast? It’s not looks, it’s how well you match her profile of safe, interesting, and valuing her as a person. In my experience, being push about digits or a date really damages the safety category. Have you had a second or third chance encounter with any of these women?

38. You are treating women as potential business clients not a date lol handing out numbers to 13 people or approaching them all of a sudden (it makes most people awkward)

    Plus you saying ” I didn’t approach any 9 or 10 they were like me”. Nobody would date you with that mindset of rating women like they are a bag of chips.

39. The way you talk about women makes me feel very weird

40. Sounds like OP has been sold a bunch of shit buy some PMU scam artists. Sorry, guy. It really doesn’t work that way.

41. The key to relationships, romantic and platonic, is repeated organic interactions. The people you see around everyday, or every week. The guy you sit next to on the bus, the girl that always seems to be at the coffee shop. The chubby dude, who used to be chubbier, at the gym who nods at you.

    Walking up and trying to force a relationship out of a random person doesn’t work. Stranger danger and all that.