I (21f) have been seeing this guy, I ‘ll call him L, (23m) for about 2 months now (been friends for about 4 months) and have agreed due to his own personal reasons (mental health related) to take thigs slow and be in the not seeing other people but not calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend until he sorts his stuff out. My suggestion, not his as I have been in a very mentally unhappy position before years ago and wasn’t ready for a full on relationship. Only problem is I think he’s very hesitant bout going any further as after we hang out he asks to dial back a bit, it’s almost to the point where L and I are more friends again than anything. He’s also mentioned that the reasoning behind that is because he still has a slight ‘crush’ on his girl best friend (20f), who he hangs out with on almost a daily basis, and doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by moving too fast.
Now onto the problem. I met this guy, I’ll call him J (22m), at a party last weekend and got talking, and him and I got coffee one day which I made very clear wasn’t me asking him on a date, just as a casual hang out of friends. J and I are talking more often just through gaming online and our mutual interest in the sims 4. I feel like as time goes on I could possibly like him more as a friend and I think he might feel the same. He’s more into knowing what he want in life despite his age unlike L, is over his ex and is genuinely ready for a relationship. Morally, I feel like I should just explain what’s going on and break things off with J completely and see if things with L go any further, but on the other hand J is a very interesting guy and I would like so see where things with him are headed.
Any advice anyone can give me would be appreciated. I don’t want to lead anyone on. Would anyone consider this cheating?
tl;dr: Should I continue seeing this guy even though I feel as if he isn’t mentally in the right headspace for a relationship and see where things go with someone else?
2 comments
In my opinion, you are wasting your time with L. I would encourage you to let him go and only pursue interested and fully available people, be that J or whoever else.
It seems that you want to hang on to what you have with L, but at the moment it is not going anywhere and may not for a long time. I would say that as nothing is offical it would be fine to see other people at the same time. I do think your realtionship with J seems more promising at this time. So it is up to you whether you want to wait for L, and potentially nothing will happen, or try things with J.