Men that are in a long term relationship … what are some reasons you would turn down your partner initiating the deed?

30 comments

1. I just ate two large bowls of chili. Good reason.

2. Being sick or injured. That’s about it.

3. Married several years, if I’m in a negative loop where I’m worrying about something coming up, I’m very unreceptive to any intimacy. Ditto for if I’m feeling physically unwell.

4. If she ever called sex , “the deed”

5. We already did it twice that day.

6. If I’m so exhausted that I can’t even get it up, it’s not happening. Doesn’t happen often, maybe once a month. She really only likes penetration; doesn’t like being eaten out and doesn’t like using toys so if I’m too tired to fuck I’m basically worthless to her desires lol.

7. Any number of reasons

   * I’m pissed off at her
   * I’m tired as hell
   * Just not in the mood
   * Rubbed one out recently and I’m already good to go,but honestly if she wanted to just go for a ride that’s cool with me but I probably wouldn’t finish.
   * I have to get up for work tomorrow and she decided to start this way too late when all I want to do is sleep

8. If I ever felt like it was just out of obligation.

9. I jerked off within the last couple of hours and my dick is nasty

10. Tired, sick or just feeling crappy in general, or in past relationships feeling like it was a way to manipulate me or get me to do something they wanted

11. When it’s presented or inquired about as a chore and if I’m not bathed.

12. She waits until I’m nearly asleep but expects me to do much of the “work”

13. Women get to chase their orgasm, so it always feels like they are “going for it”…. We get to do everything we can to avoid ours until the job is done. Sometimes you just don’t feel like going through all the motions once the act gets routine.

    Sure, we don’t usually have to deal with being disappointed or having problems getting an orgasm… But when you will put in the work to give a woman one… It is actually work and doesn’t really line up with what your instincts are telling you to physically crave yourself.

    It sounds like a tiny thing… But when that tiny thing is the difference between moving on script…. And moving in a way that your body naturally drives you and feeling “carried away”…. The difference can be significant.

14. Would be interested to see if this response changes based on age

15. Time it takes for my mood and to be physically ready after good sex is much longer than it is for her. Give me one good orgasm and I’m sorted for days. Give her 10 in one hour and she’ll want another ten the next hour.

16. A. Diarrhea

    B. Vomiting

    C. Both A and B at the same time

    D. All of the above are actually negotiable

    She never rejects me unless she’s feeling unwell, so I do the same for her. If she wants it, she’s probably gonna get it, and I don’t care if it hurts me to give it to her.

    P.s. 46 and married over 15 years.

17. If I’m full af. That is it for me

18. I’m not in the mood; I’m tired; she’s a pillow princess; I’m doing something else that I’m enjoying as well; I want to do my own thing (I’m very introverted and I require time to do my own thing).

19. If I know she’s initiating just because she feels guilty if we don’t have sex for a few days. I never want my partner to feel like she’s obligated to do so.

20. When she thinks sex is her get out of jail free card.

21. Being led on.

    Sometimes you know when the promise is half-assed. Like she says “Baby, I’m gonna do that thing you like tonight” and you get all excited only for “that thing” to manifest as a half-hearted hand job because now she’s “tired and has to work early”.

    Let this happen 3-4 times and I just stop expecting anything. I am not going to move my plans around and if I’m tired or busy, I’m tired or busy. If you really wanted to “do that thing”, you would come do it.

22. If it’s ever used as “payment”.

    Exchanging sexual favors for chores around the house is just not attractive.

23. Not being in the mood. Don’t feel like anyone ever needs a better reason than that, no matter who it’s with

24. “Lady, not while I’m on the shitter ffs.”

25. I’m still irritated about a ridiculous, unnecessary fight that she felt the need to have.. it isn’t consciously withholding sex, it’s just not being “in the mood” because of something stupid

26. I’m tired. I’m not feeling well. Too much on my mind. Hungry. Thirsty. My show is on. The game is on. It’s hot. It’s cold. Too bright. Too dark. Tuesday.

    But my definition of long-term, may be different than yours (been married 31 years). Sex is a good part of my relationship with my wife, and we’ve gotten pretty good at it, but at this point, it’s not a necessity for us. Sometimes it’s not even on the list of important things that happened that day. You know that point early in a relationship when you are finally comfortable just reading together in the same room, not feeling obligated to entertain one another? This is the next evolution of that. And it’s pretty good.

27. 1. Too tired

    2. Feeling self conscious

    3. Not feeling well

    4. It’s far too late

    5. It’s sore

    6. Emotionally not there

28. Getting ignored for a few days and then waking up sick and sore af to her ready to go…thats a fuck off mate! Been trying all week and you wanna pick my bad day? Lol!

    Or another personal fav 5 minutes before id leave for work given my playing all day about it.

    Then of course you have the sigh – eye roll combo that makes you feel like a chore like washing dishes. That one is a dick killer for sure.

    All in all tho im 34 and ha e 3 kids and i got *fixed* so sometimes id rather drink my tea hot and watch the kids play mario cart sex isnt as much points as it was when i was 19.

29. Besides the fact that she seems incapable of seduction and after about an hour of extremely minute tentative micro actions, she’ll say “so do you want to have sex?” which might be sexy the first couple of times, soon devolves into feeling about as sexy as doing taxes?

    The fact that beyonf the first couple of minutes where she might kiss and do the very slightest of caressing, it’s then all up to me. Feels like I’m being allowed to have sex with her. It’s not a good feeling.

30. Bold of you to assume she would initiate the deed.