I was in love with This guy my entire teens and early adulthood . We finally slept together 3 years ago after him nagging me to since our teens , it was ok , he asked me again and I turned him down because I didn’t want to be used and knew it would just upset me . I had agonising feelings for him but never told him . Fast forward 3 years he’s with the girl he was seeing before sleeping with me . I don’t really talk to him and if we do speak it’s very brief .
We mix in the same circles but never see one another .
A few of his old mates who are all very handsome , funny guys have asked to sleep with me , I said no because I’d had a history with their friend and it was uncomfortable for me and disrespectful to him .
His bow close friend where he lives randomly followed me on social media last week , we also have people in common but no one who would introduce us . He talked to me for maybe two days and asked me out for a drink this weekend , I thought about it a lot and thought I don’t want to lead him on but I equally should not still feel anything for his friend , who is taken so maybe I should get a grip and meet him ?
Fast forward tonight and I was going by where he was drinking , he mentioned he was drinking there and I should go for a quick drink , we spent 3 hours together and he was very lovely, he raised the subject of his friend and I explained we’ve known eachother our entire lives , he asked if maybe he should bring me out with the guy and his partner and I said “ we have a bit of history so as long as that’s ok with him and you “ he said it’s cool and they’ve mixed a bit before with girls so he’s sure it will be fine .
Because he’s been with his partner this whole time I kind of thought I need to get over him and surely I could end up really liking his friend , why waste that opportunity.
Having left I felt a huge surge of emotion , the guy was super sweet and we really got on , but I we bonded over a lot of stuff ( music and hobbies ) that are very specific to my past with his mate . He messaged me to say he had a really great time and he’d love to have a proper date this weekend .
I actually think he’s lovely but I don’t know if I can do it , part of me thinks maybe it will finally get the other dude out of this fake bubble I have him in .
Tldr: Guy I’ve been in love with a long time has a friend who wants to date me
3 comments
The feelings for the friend are the main issue you need to work on. Therapy maybe? You need to get over these feelings and move on with your life. Sounds like you’ve put your love life on hold for 15 years because of this guy. Don’t waste another 15, or even another one. Just focus 100% on getting over him. Therapy, journalling, dating, focussing on friendships, a phase where you sleep with a few people, hypnosis… everythings on the table as this should be the primary goal for you until its completed. You could also tell him how you feel. You’ll either get a yes, or something else. Anything else is a no. Hearing it straight from him might help you internalize that it isnt going to happen and you need to quit pining. (“I like you too, I’m planning to break up with my gf and maybe we can hang out?” Followed by delaying the breakup is NOT a yes. Anything but “yes” is a no. I will say he doesn’t actually sound like a great dude though).
Probably don’t continue seeing this new guy, its not fair to him when you’re so hung up on someone else long term.
There’s nothing disrespectful to this dude about you dating or sleeping with one of his friends. You were a minor fling to him – minor flings don’t get to call “no fly zones” for all their friends.
If you want to date this guy and think it’ll be fun and maybe help you move on, great. Date this guy and have fun and move on.
You run in the same social circles. It’s inevitable that you will end up connecting with someone who is also a friend of his at some point.
Do whatever you want. Most people don’t stay lifelong friends anyway.