I f (19) absolutely adore this guy M (21 who i shall call as S) and there’s nothing much to really ask for. He’s genuine, the perfect guy ever. I often feel like I don’t deserve him because of how genuine he is. We’re not in a relationship right now because of the distance factor and I’m not ready for another relationship until I completely heal myself from an abusive (mentally and sexually) relationship that lasted for 4 years because I don’t want to hurt him. Apart from that all his relatives know me and he introduces me to them in phone calls.
For a bit of a context S started liking me 8 months ago when we met through online games. I had just gone through breakup from the abusive relationship. S was really nervous to talk to me so he asked his friend (R) to be a bridge sort of thing to us and I never really knew. R started talking to me day and night and made my mental health so much better so I could actually study. He was a huge support to me and I kind of ended up in a rebound relationship with him. He felt guilty later and broke up with me and mentioned how S liked me and he did this to him (they had been friends for past 14 years). It hurted me because I was so dependent on him and I figured I’d take this in a positive way and work on myself
Fast forward to now, me and S started talking after 6 months after I broke up with R. He really likes me and he said he understood why that relationship happened in the first place. Last night R called me and he started apologizing for everything he did ( he said he still loved me but he won’t be in a relationship with me but still ended up in a one with another girl). He said I’m the prettiest girl I’ve ever met and was even annoyed when I told him about the guy who kept hitting on me in my college even when I told him I like someone else.
He mentioned that he was joining a gang (like the rowdies?) And he mentioned that if he ever dies I’ll get the news and that absolutely broke me down because he made me so much better after the abusive relationship and I felt like he genuinely cared. But he asked me to hide from S that I cried to him and I feel guilty hiding
Tl;dr: my ex who is also the best friend of my current partner is asking me to hide that I cried for him. Should I tell S? And I also don’t understand why I have to hide it either
2 comments
Nah, fuck that. This dude is acting like you did something wrong for reacting in a normal human way to his sob story, and he’s trying to stir the pot between you and S. You don’t have to tell S, but I recommend that you do, before R gets in there with his weirdo version of events. May I recommend this script:
“I had the weirdest conversation with R the other night. He started by apologizing for stuff that happened when we dated, then he said he was going to join a gang, and kept talking about how I was going to hear the news that he was dead soon. It was really upsetting, and actually made me cry! I’m not sure what he was going for, but I need a break from talking to him.”
Then, take that break! Maybe forever! Reading this made me feel ANCIENT (I’m 35) because “I’m going to do something SELF-DESTRUCTIVE and then you’ll be SAD WHEN I’M DEAD” is a real classic from the manipulative messyboy playbook, and you understandably fell for it because you’re young enough that you haven’t encountered it before. He wants you to be thinking about him, worrying about him, checking in on him, and trying to save him, instead of focusing on yourself and your healthy, happy romance with S.
R is a clown. Not sure if this will be possible due to him being a friend of S, but you should cease all contact with him and forget him. He’s not joining any gangs and dying, that’s just BS made up to make you feel shitty. As for telling S, yes you should be completely transparent about this situation, as with any other situation when discussing it with someone you respect and love(?).