I work in a smallish team of five direct team members and another three who we regularly work with, and I’ve fallen into the birthday card and present organiser role. I have bought the past four colleagues a birthday card and a nice box of chocolates for each of them, probably coming to £15 each of my own money. I’ve also bought a similar thing for another colleague that was leaving, and organised the card. The present was considered to be communal (I passed around the card to be signed by everyone), and I covered the whole cost. It’s kind of obvious that I like the concept of card giving.
So I’m leaving the team this week, and one of the people I got a present for told me that he ‘doesn’t do cards’ so he’s not getting me one. My issue is, his birthday was the last, and he mentioned on each of the other three colleagues’ birthdays when his birthday was so I would know when to get him a present. So he’s happy to accept something from me but not even spend £1 on a card? In fact, two of my other colleagues who I bought birthday presents for haven’t done a card either.
I know I’m being a bit petty, but this is a dick move right? I’m also quite hurt because I get on well with my colleagues and this just seemed so dismissive and like they haven’t even bothered. I would like to note I’m a hard worker, and I’ve even helped these people with personal problems like dealing with family illnesses. I don’t give expecting to get, and I’m happy with a piece of paper folded in half, but it would be nice if someone at least tried.
So yeah, would you get your colleague a card when leaving? Do you refuse? I’d like to see the other side of this.
11 comments
I’d set my out of office to include:
“[His name] will be picking up any queries I would have worked on, please reach out to [his email].
In my office, the team leads / managers usually take care of organising collections and card signings including for all leavers. Unless bridges were burnt and assuming you’ve worked in this team for a number of years, I’d say it’s quite unusual for no one at all organising something for you.
On a sidenote: we don’t generally do birthday collections (which I agree with), only special occasions like weddings and babies.
I don’t really like it. It feels like an obligation.
If I like the person we’ll head to the pu on their last day and I’ll get them a pint, but the number of people in each job I actually like is normally less than 5
My team do cards as well but it’s always mutually agreed and everyone chips in. It reads like you took it upon yourself to do all this and that you just accepted the cost? So if someone else doesn’t participate than I’d say that’s up to them.
Guy sounds like a prick, if someone was organising a birthday/leaving card for me with his own money, I’d insist to return the favour
> I’ve fallen into the birthday card and present organiser role
Did you, or did you start it up?
Well you got burned and hope you learn something from it. Stop the birthday, pressie madness please in your new role.
I absolutely hate birthday and leaving cards
A particularly hate the idea of a “leaving collection”, ah Steve is leaving for a new job, probably paying more money, better chip in £5
Most places I have worked the person supplies cakes / treats on their birthday and nobody does cards (unless its a special occasion)
I think you’re expecting other people to treat you the way you treat them, instead of treating others the way you wish to be treated.
I don’t get involved with cards and gifts. I do tend to bake cakes but will do this for any old occasion, I just love baking and eating cake. If there is a colleague I’d get a gift for, it’s because they’re my friend. So I’ll go to their birthday party and get a gift for them.
Leaving cards are different, weirdly I think they are much more substantial than birthdays. So while I do think your colleagues are snubbing you, by behaving thoughtlessly, I also do not think your approach is a good one.
Best of luck with your new job and I hope you still bring all the positivity you clearly have for others, minus the gifts!
If you got the job ivia employment agency and only a short contract, all depending on the time you are working with. our team did as were all temps and the line manger of our team.
As I remember the training provider I attended whilst doing my NVQ we had this thing about leaving presents for those who left completed theirs I was unaware of this and refuse to put money in as this was first day and the person I did not know. thankful this practice stopped
Oh I was in your shoes in an old work place. The organiser of celebrating engagements, weddings, babies then when it was my turn I got nothing. It royally pissed me off, so I refuse to be an organiser now.
I don’t mind giving something if it is a special occasion, it’s fun to celebrate and the person usually appreciates it.
Dislike it – I tolerate most of my colleagues, but I don’t much care if they send me a card for my birthday. I don’t like the “obligation” of “I got you one so you get me one”.
This guy comes across like a prick because he was happy to accept (and demanding in a way). But equally, you’ve done this off your own back, covered the costs on your own. Perhaps the others never did it because they’re just not into it and hey, you’re doing it now so they don’t have to.
We haven’t stopped the cards (even though we all WFH so it now included postage costs) but we have scrapped the “everyone put in £5, £10 for a big birthday” though. I’ve flat out refused to put money in to office donations (baby, leaving, big birthday, retirements etc) because most of the time, I have very little to do with that random person from the wider office, they probably don’t care about me, it’s not going to be reciprocated and it gets fucking expensive. I was asked within a week of joining if I wanted to put £5 in to a baby gift…I didn’t even know the woman’s name!
So much easier to stick with birthday person brings in some treats to share with the team (or the office). The general rule is “if you take, you bring in” – only join in if you’re willing to be fully involved.