25f lost feelings for husband

20 comments

1. Addition; we haven’t had sex for over a year. Yesterday I told my husband how I felt, I told him everything. How im not attracted to him anymore, how I have been bothered about not having sex. He feels guilty and told me that in the beginning it was stress related, and later on started to feel some type of shame to try it again. I do understand but this is also part of the reason why I think I don’t feel any attraction anymore.

2. It’s time to move on. It happens. Bless🙏🏽

3. Your comment says you told him everything. I kinda winced at it, as your conversation wasn’t really meant to fix anything, if nothing else it made him feel worse and less at ease with you. You just vented. You needed to do that at someone else. Imagine what it would do to you, if you were trying to overcome your personal faults, trying to be a better partner, feel ashamed…and then the one you’re trying for tells you you disgust them…why the fuck are you having him try instead of beaking up then?

   Being a couple isn’t about tit for tat, he was an ass now I have the right to be as cruel as I want. If you’re doing that, not only you have no love for him, you have no basic respect, care or empathy. I can’t try to even begin giving you any advice on how to fix things, you’re clearly out? So don’t waste your time fucking with him? If you don’t want to work on it, make that clear asap. And if you do, telling a person you are not attracted and you don’t love them…isn’t really a great stepping stone towards any recovery. You need to make a decision, not reddit and then your words and actions need to match that decision.

4. It doesn’t matter how old you are, he has spent the last two years treating you like his emotional punching bag. You broke, literally stopped caring, that is the opposite of love.

   Falling out of love with someone that treats you badly is a normal natural consequence of his behaviour towards you.

   You are not a switch that can just turn back on the love. He picked away at your love for 2 years so there is more to do that just be nice and want to kiss you to fix this.

   If you want to fix this then you need marriage therapy, if you don’t then that is okay as well.

   He is clearly a great friend but that doesn’t mean he is a great husband as well.

5. Ooff you’ve been with him since you were 21 and married him only 2 short years later? No wonder you want out. At least you realize that you are only 25 with plenty of life left.

   He is not the one for you so it’s ok to leave and begin the divorce process.

6. It’s over love. You are so so young. Call a divorce attorney and start the process. You two just aren’t compatible, and i think you’re going to feel a lot of relief.

7. He’s only changing his behavior so you’ll stop being mad at him, not because he actually wants to change. That’s why you can’t accept his affection because deep down it’s fake. Or maybe there’s a part of you that knows you deserve so much more than this last second effort to keep you around. And you’re not crazy so you can pick up on this man’s bullshit. He’s toxic, and you deserve better.

8. You do not have to stay.

9. Marriage isn’t a dash, it’s a marathon. Every marriage I have ever known has had rough spots and hard times. The question is why are you married. Is it for goals or good times? Marriage counseling is great but there is so much to unpack.

10. Im really sorry but i have to give it to you straight

    There are two types of people in the world

    Those who have difficulties & problems, and develop sympathy for others and try their best to help people in the same situation and make life better for those in the same situation

    And the people who have problems and difficulties, but bring others down and take them down as well

    What your husband has done is the second type

    Depending upon the severity

    In your case it seems very severe, it was not only extremely wrong and damaging it was also very severe, in such a case the only way to truly turn it around is, is for him to have a huge significant improvement

    According to your story he has improved, but the rate and comparison seems to be only noticeable, if he really loves you, and is a quality character he would change so so completely and very much turn over a leaf into a spectacular and virtuous man

    He would easily be able to sweep you off your feet my friend

    But he hasn’t which means the severity of his own problem is big and the change not big enough

    What should you do?

    Well hypothetically imagine someone who is a super drunkard and hits his wife 10 times a month, now he improves slightly and now hits his wife 8 times a month

    Thats an analogy but of course a much less serious issue, you see they are far gone, the improvement is not satisfactory and are still far gone, an improvement whilst good

    Its important to note, how far gone into the wrong side are they, and is the change a big or a small one

    Lets say someone dived 100m deep into the water and move up 20m, now they are 80m deep, they are still very very very very deep

    Thats very far gone, if they dived 100m and come back at least to sit at 50m then thats impressive big chance commendable, 50m is still far gone, but the change has been massive

    He needs to improve and he has alot more improving to do, if he doesn’t then its up to you to decide what to do

11. Don’t give up. If you feel that he still love you

12. Hi all thank you for willing to listen & the advices you gave me.

    My husband hasn’t been abusive, although I would consider it mentally abusive just not physical. There are days though that he was normal it wasnt a 24/7 anger / annoyment. But yes most of the time him being grumpy was taken out on me. He has been through some trauma and that’s I guess why I didnt leave, I felt like I could understand where his emotions came from. I walked on eggshells for a long time.

    Me walking on eggshells and feeling like I didnt want to piss him off made me build a kind of wall around myself. Now when he’s trying to change himself I finally start to realise the wall ive built. I didnt know it was that high.

    The wall is really high like I said, hense why I cant accept the affection he’s giving me right now. I dont know if I can stay in this marriage, but also kinda afraid to leave. I think I have to sleep on it for a couple of weeks. See if my emotions can switch, but I feel like my emotions are completely cut off and won’t be coming back soon.

13. 25? Girl, tell your husband byeeeee 🤣 live your life!

14. Marriage vows really don’t mean much in this era. If you won’t stick with someone when they’re obviously going through something, please don’t re-marry.

    You two were married too young.

    My advice is to stick with him and work through your issues. The crowd is of the opinion you destroy a marriage if there’s even a hint your partner is having difficulties. And yes, both of you should have communicated a lot better two years ago. But you’re kidding yourself if you think another relationship won’t run into the same problems.

15. No, you can’t turn your feelings back on. You started this relationship when you were 21 and, regardless of how he’s been treating you, you’ve gone through changes as a person. Add in his mistreatment and your feelings are understandable.

    You can suggest marriage counseling to him and see how that goes, but just be honest with him. You could also do a trial separation and see if that helps anything.

    My ex treated me poorly for a few years before we separated. By that time I was so empty and numb I had nothing left for her. In a way it’s helpful, but it still hurts. I still feel nothing for her.

    Best of luck.

16. So… you’ve been married for two years, and he’s been like this for two years?

    So once you were married he started taking out his anger on you, because he’d assumed you were committed and wouldn’t leave him for his shitty behavior like a normal girlfriend would?

    That’s what it sounds like. OP you’ve already said the feelings are gone, which makes sense, because he hasn’t been acting like the man you agreed to marry – for TWO YEARS. That man is gone.

    It’s tough but you know what to do. You’re young and you WILL meet more people, better people, who you feel attraction for, who you feel safe opening up to.

17. You are not obligated to fall back in love with someone just because they stopped being mean to you.

18. Do you want to stay or are you done?

    If you want to stay: go to couples therapy and start dating each other again. Too much has happened for it to be brushed under the rug – your relationship is not the same and will never be the same again. You two need to learn how to develop a new relationship with each other and cultivate it if you want to live a healthy, married life with each other. This will take time and a lot of communication.

    If that seems like too much work or too far fetched to actually happen, then that’s a sign you’re done and just delaying the inevitable divorce.

    Personally, I think when your body reacts by being *nauseated* by your partner showing you affection, then it’s already over. The point of now return was already crossed. Sucks, but that’s life. He had dozens of chances to change. He didn’t until it was too late. Don’t keep sacrificing yourself for his feelings. Live your life with intention.

    Figure out what you want in life. Sit down with yourself and figure out if this this relationship compatible with what you want? Can you see yourself grow in this relationship in the future or not? Do you get a sense of relief at the thought of staying with your husband *or* when you imagine not being in a relationship with your husband?

19. I am sorry that you and your husband going through something. Your feelings are legit and need to be addressed.
    You married young and you promised to each other to deal with troubel as a team.
    Live always challanges people. You said he still is kind of your best friend which is a gift.
    What I understand from what you’ve written, there might be also some disappointment with yourself because you didn’t set boundaries early enough. Maybe you even feel a little bit ashamed that you didn’t stood up for your needs a little bit earlier. Pls consider, that you might didn’t know better because you had no references that showed you how to handle things because your young – and that’s ok. Your boyfriend also is young and might not had the mechanism to handle his problems in a better way. You gave him the time and now when he seems to be starting getting over it and see clear again you are exhausted and want to leave the situation. That really is a miserable and sad situation. You might think it’s easier to leave and start new because you don’t see a way to get over those past long too years. But I think there is also the possibility to give it some more time to work on it, also because you both have so many years in front of you that there is no need for a quick decision. You stay in front of a fork on the row – choose whisely. You started with great love and friendship and just figured out that live sometimes happens quicker than we can work it through. Let it sink. Try to figure out and talk of what have happend to both of you the last to years and which situations where difficult for you and why. You are friends, learn from each other where your boundaries are and how you expect to be treated by the person closest to you. Set out little friendly signs for the other to know they are getting threw a point that hurt you by for example laying the hand of the heart. How should we know what boundaries someone have if we don’t tell them. Learn from it about yourselfs and the persons you want to be. Try to learn about what behavior did hurt the other, and what was the things that cheered you up. If you both figure out then, that you still have the same values than maybe forgive yourselfs for the mistakes you might have made. Than maybe learn to know each other new and grow together. And maybe you find something even deeper because if you mastered that situation than you will handle every other thing with the mechanisms you learned from this time.
    Live is challanging sometimes and it might just seem easier to get out of the situation and leave. But I think it’s worth to try and it’s strong to really walk that hill of mud because there is also the chance, that he lived paraliesed for two years as well and might really just see clear what bad behavior he showed. It would just be sad if this understanding and trying to make it up for you end in the next catastrophe for him and you. Best of luck for you both.

20. take some serious tome apart. you need to be alone. it’ll help you to find clarity.

    but make sure you lay out your expectations if any, for while you’re apart.