hanging out even when there’s no sex? spending the night? cuddling? kissing? holding hands?

what’s off the table?

23 comments

  4. Holding hands. I don’t really know about cuddling, but I would be wary. No romantic dates. No flowers. No special gifts.

  5. Wait……I thought the “F” was for “Friends.” Did something change? Don’t friend hang-out and do friend stuff? As for all the physical stuff, that gets ironed out between the two of you and your talk on boundaries.

  6. The number one rule is don’t get attached.

    Unfortunately that rule can be really hard because sex can be a way for people to emotionally connect. Especially if you were already connected as friends.

  7. Introducing them to friends/family

    Traveling to a romantic destination together (eg: a couple nights in Vegas is fine, but we’re not going to Paris together)

  8. I’d never start one. The idea of one doesn’t make sense to me. “Friends” implies I genuinely enjoy their presence, we have stuff in common, hang out, etc.

    #1 rule is not to get attached. But if I genuinely like someone and we become intimate… There isn’t really much difference between that and dating.

    Tinder booty-call with someone I don’t really no, sure.

  12. I’m terrible with boundaries like that. I’d just do whatever and if it strays into girlfriend territory, so be it.

  14. We still do friends things, like go grab a beer, or get dinner.

    I don’t hold hands, don’t kiss, don’t cuddle.

    But she can stay the night. I even give her a drawer to put stuff in like a change of clothes and whatnot.

  16. If it’s FWB rather than FB/booty calls, then romantic dates are off the table, couples’ holidays, being introduced to her parents, holding hands in public, public displays of affection etc. We’re friends who happen to have sex. So, outside of sex, if I won’t do it with a friend, I won’t do it with my FwB.

    If it’s FB/booty calls, then pretty much everything is off the table.

  18. Traveling together is a slippery slope, as is any extended visit. I only rarely do overnights with FWBs. I’m happy to hang out and do stuff before sexy times, but I tend to bounce pretty quickly afterwards. Snuggling and pillow talk are easy ways to catch feelings.

  23. What I’ve noticed in a FWB relationship is the number 1 problem that always happens ..well maybe 9 times out of 10.

    Someone in the arrangement develops feelings that go beyond the original deal. As in someone falls in love, they let their lust blossom into something more. This is always the problem.

    A FWB arrangement should be both plutonic and limited. No cuddling for extended periods, limited sleep overs, you do not keep stuff at each others places, you don’t meet up all the time.

    You do call each other when you want sex, but should you feel the need to end it due to reasons of wanting something more fullfiling, then that respect should be given. You part ways and do not dwell on it.

    If you go too far in and develop longing for the other, this creates a dynamic that will not help you move on, or they move on. Either or.

    ​

    Thus has been my experience. Once upon a time I made the mistake, then I stopped making that mistake and it always happened to me. So Eventually I just had to stop.

    We used to hook up every now and then, it’s been over 10 years now and I sometimes wonder what they’re up to. But that’s it.

    ​

    I guess the long winded answer is, you don’t fall in love in a FWB relationship.

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