Yesterday my friend was telling me about a guy she recently had sex with. She said he was hot as fuck. The way she was smiling made me think the story was gonna have a happy ending. However, she said when the dude approached the point of no return, she realized he was no longer wearing a condom and that he came inside of her. She said the two of them agreed to have safe sex beforehand and she never noticed him taking off the condom until it was too late. She also said he might have finished inside her more than once because he seemed to have no refractory period and possessed the ability to orgasm repeatedly in one session. I didn’t even know that was possible for men. I asked my friend what her reaction was when she found out the condom was gone and she said she didn’t really comment. I was shocked at how casual my friend was about the whole thing. She basically shrugged it off and said “boys will be boys.”
Like, WHAT.
Believe it or not, she’s seeing this dude again tonight. I have no idea what she’s thinking. Should I make another effort to talk her out of it?
15 comments
To be fair. Let herself handle her own problems. By the looks of it the has the pill and simply don’t care. It’s not like a girl walks around and wants to get creampied by every sexy man…
Asking questions, if you feel comfortable, would be the best course of action here.
Are you worried about STIs?
Are you worried about getting pregnant?
Are you worried about the precedent of a dishonest lover?
If the answers to those questions are “no” then let her have her fun I guess!
When I shared things like this with my male friends at her age, I was looking to gauge their reaction to see if I had permission to be upset. My thinking was “if another man agrees this man was wrong, then I know I’m not being unreasonable.”
I eventually learned I was allowed to feel my feelings without permission, but I used to doubt that I was ever sexually assaulted because I didn’t know if it was something common that “men just do”.
I would inform her that the practice of removing a condom during sex is called stealthing, and in some places, stealthing is a crime.
If she doesn’t seem bothered, then you can let it be.
Personally I would be uneasy since I am not on bc. But she seems ok with it. You sound like a great friend. But i is kind of her problem and she doesn’t seem to have an issue with it.
Reminds me of similar story an old friend told me years ago of a hookup she had with a guy who without warning pushed into her ass (without lube or anything) and just did surprise anal which is totally fucked, and she was saying how bad it hurt etc….I asked her what she was going to do about it? She said “he was really hot so it’s like whatever, I’m going to see him again this weekend” – I couldn’t believe it.
You should tell her it was wrong (because it obviously was) but don’t put so much effort into trying to talk her out of it that you come off as condescending or controlling. Healthy or not, she’s an adult woman who needs to learn her own boundaries. If she’s dumb enough to see him again after that, she’s not going to learn anything from a friend giving her good advice.
I have a female friend who has engaged in a lot of risky interpersonal and sexual behavior and has often had poor outcomes and it used to tear me up hearing about some of the awful stuff that happened with her and just couldn’t understand why she put herself in those situations over and over without learning better. Eventually I had to come to terms with the fact she’s going to do what she wants, all you can do as a friend is provide advice when she asks and empathy when something bad happens but you can’t tear your hair out about.
honestly you can try warning her, if she doesn’t listen thats on her, not you.
Meanwhile you have countless girls posting things like “don’t you dare try and pull out”
Humans have biologies that make us want to reproduce.
I think birth rates are down even.
You don’t have to be her protector. She is free to make her own stupid choices. But never, ever be anything more than friends. She is not relationship material.
Ever heard of Darwinisn and sexual selection? Here we go.
Yeah. You really should. I’d sabotage it tbh
What he did is called stealthing and it’s a form of sexual assault.
This is a great example of people not understanding what actually “counts” as sexual assault and thinking that’s “just what happens when you have sex”. In many states he could be charged with rape or another sex crime for taking off the condom without permission. stealthing is a crime and never okay or normal.
Cumming inside after having a conversation about having safe sex, and a condom being agreed upon, and he took off without her noticing is a violation of her consent and trust. That’s manipulative as fuck and she should be far more upset and definitely should not see that guy again. Unless she talked to him about it and he doesn’t do it again.
I would let her know you think what he is doing is going against her wishes and let her make her choices and if she still decides to let this dude have sex like before dont make anymore comments and be there for her if and when the house of cards fall down and try and not to remind her of what you told her.