Question:
*WHY*, exactly, is it okay for guys to watch porn when they are in a committed & exclusive relationship?
Men are visually driven.
Women are emotionally driven.
My thinking is this, if you’re in an exclusive relationship with someone:
1) and the guy is watching porn (outside of a consentual nature)
2) Then the girl should be allowed to send flirtatious texts to guys online (that she’s not met, aren’t near her, and to *exclude* her sending nudes.)
Because, as long as they aren’t physically cheating, it’s okay right? They’ll never see each other! Right?
*The guy will never meet the women in the videos, and the girls will never meet the men they’re talking to online.*
They’re both getting different needs met outside of the relationship.
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| EDIT |
*Why can’t he watch videos of him and his partner*
I never really said anything about cheating in my post. That’s something that just sort of evolved from the comments.
But think on this a little,
1) How did you find that video? What do you search for? You’re using specific adjectives and descriptive words.
*That right there is one action and example of stepping outside of your relationship.*
2) It DOES involve another person because you are literally looking at another naked woman. This belief that it isn’t actually a person, but just an “actress” is fundamentally flawed also because that 👏🏼 IS 👏🏼 A 👏🏼 woman that exists in real life, no matter what she does for a living. And you are seeing her in her most intimate form. That’s the second point.
3) And then you have the action of pleasuring yourself while watching them be pleasured. I know that as a society, we’ve become desensitized to it, but it doesn’t change it at its core. And then brings my 4th point:
4) You can make videos with your partner and use that later, instead of searching the site.
No one ever has any response to that 👆🏽 Just crickets.
I’m not arguing a right or wrong here, I’m challenging beliefs. Do you at least see where I’m coming from? So for a woman, the equivalent would be seeking outside of her relationship for that emotional intimacy. In my example, I specifically said it was someone or people she would not ever meet. No exchanging of nudes, and not sexting either (because then that is cheating).
But seeking outside of her relationship to fulfill a core need (that is just different than a man’s core need of release) she needs emotional release. That’s the angle I’m pressing.
I’m not implying anything out of spite or revenge,
*just very specifically the action of seeking outside of the relationship to satisfy a need “that doesn’t cross the line into cheating”*. That’s all.
It’s food for thought
43 comments
I think if you don’t like porn you date people who also don’t like it. I don’t get the tit-for-tat (no pun intended).
There is differenc that the girl in the video don’t know he exist .. don’t you think it would be different if the videos would be custom made for him?
Edit: Just to add, imo better example would be her watching some romantic film or Idk reading love poems .. which I would consider normal.
There is problem with your example being too personal even if they won’t meet, at least for me.
Texting flirting with anyone will lead to some kind if encounter …. watching porn isn’t leading to anything ….u want to watch porn also ..fine …but a female texting someone is definitely not equal
This seems kinda spiteful to me. I mean I guess if your partner agrees to that dynamic then whatever, do you, but it seems like a pretty toxic reaction and not a healthy relationship in the first place.
>2) Then the girl should be allowed to send flirtatious texts to guys online
>the girls will never meet the men they’re talking to online
Dating sim games would be the equivalent for this. Not real but satisfying.
>Women are emotionally driven.
This is the main problem. If we texted and flirted we would fall in love. But men doesn’t fall in love when they watch.
>Men are visually driven. Women are emotionally driven.
Just because men are visually driven does not mean they are not also emotionally driven.
>Then the girl should be allowed to send flirtatious texts to guys online
What about the guy online’s feelings? Do they consent to being treated like a toy?
Another alternative way of thinking about this: what is a relationship based on? Is it based on two people looking at each other, or is it based on how they feel towards each other? If the relationship is based on looking at each other then I would say watching porn is not acceptable. But that’s not the case, relationships are based on how each person feels about the other. To go outside of the relationship to seek feelings of connection is not acceptable when you’re “supposed” to be able to find that feeling of connection from your partner.
Is a relationship ever based on looking at each other? Well, sometimes. But generally people “settle” on looks, they don’t “settle” on feelings.
This feels like a false equivalency to me. Using pornography as a masturbatory aid while in a committed relationship usually has no emotional component. It’s not a two-way form of communication. It’s just something someone watches and consumes. Usually. If the guy is contacting women on OnlyFans or something, I would say that’s different and would be considered cheating by most people in monogamous relationships. But a woman engaging in flirtatious texts with someone else is creating an actual connection with that person even if they aren’t or won’t ever be physically near each other. You’re very focused on the physical or in-person aspects of cheating, but emotional infidelity is very real. Partners can feel betrayed any number of ways in a relationship, which is why it’s important that there’s open and honest communication about commitment expectations at fairly regular intervals as you begin a long-term relationship. And lastly, everyone is different. Some women don’t care about this or that. Some men don’t care about this or that. So again, both parties need to be in agreement about their respective wants and needs because a good relationship is built on respect. If someone you love doesn’t like the idea of you watching porn, and it doesn’t matter one way or the other to you, then there’s some compatibility there. Everyone is free to determine their own boundaries and set them accordingly.
I’m a man in a relationship and I don’t look at porn. Frankly, I don’t need it because Girlfriend. If I did need it while in a relationship I’d seriously look at why.
It’s like if the guy said you couldn’t use sex toys since you guys are exclusive and using a dildo is like using someone else’s peen, the point I’m trying to make is that porn is designed for masturbation the same as vibrators and dildos, it’s not wrong to use them as they aren’t connected to anyone, he’s not going out to mess around with those actors, on the other hand texting and flirting with other men usually leads to feelings which is cheating now if the man is addicted to porn that’s a different story then he’d need help
Women are visually driven as well, but it is inside their head, their imagination. There is a billion dollar industry in smutty novels.
Guys can watch their porn. We should not be made fun of for reading our smutty novels or fan fiction.
Mixing reality with fantasy there mate.
Watching porn is harmless unless you are addicted. You are never going to meet those woman and on top of that it’s acting. But being flirtatious with someone can easily turn into reality. Where they can eventually meet and fuck those man.
accept a guy is never going to be with or hear from the porn stars. they are not flirting with them.
Though why not ask the guy why he is watching the porn? why not watch it with him? maybe be inspired?
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a guy is willing to share his porn experience with you, are you willing to share your flirtations with others with him?
Simple answer: neither are okay
i promise, a girlfriend’s jealousy isn’t the only reason u should stop watching porn
So sending messages directly to someone is equivalent to watching two strangers you’d never exchange words with bang on camera ? I don’t even watch porn, but one of those is more personal than the other.
I actually like this argument, makes sense to me. I know there’s the question of “well he doesn’t know the actress, but online conversations could go somewhere.” To which I say not necessarily, if you’re messaging someone on like Omegle or even Reddit where there’s a line of anonymity that doesn’t have to be crossed. I don’t have an issue with the porn thing (and I don’t buy into the men visual, women emotional thing) but i think it makes for an even argument for anyone having the conversation
I just don’t see how watching porn is cheating. The issue comes when you put porn over your partner.
Watching porn is never okay.
Mmmm well, I am a woman and I watch porn so I would not care so much he does. But, I am trying to let go of this habit, I do it since I was a teenager and O am tired of needed porn to masturbate, I think porn is just about getting some visuals to masturbate, but I think it damages the person’s mental health, I would try to help him if he does it too often, or try to do something if it is affecting our sexual life but I would not get jealous… I know what it feels to watch a porn video and not even remembering (or wanting to remember) who was in that video, it’s like, okay thanks for making me horny bye, probably forever…
I am a woman, i watch porn and i am in a committed relationship. The way i see it is watching porn is basically entertainment, no different from watching a movie. It’s not personal. But seeking an active engagement with another person is very much personal and therefore very much cheating.
As a female, I watch porn. And am ok if my SO does too…. We dont live together, or spend every waking moment together, and if i wake up alone and am horny, I take care of that. He’s free to do so, also.
Woman commenting.
We are more emotionally driven and thats where all the smutty books come in. So if you read smutty books which sometimes is straight up mind porn thats the same as guy watching porn. Sometimes women even set ideals based on the characters they read about, some even go as far as crush on them.
So if men are not allowed to watch porn the gf should not be allowed to read any smutty books.
Sending flirtatious texts is emotional cheating, girls can become attached to the man their flirting with while a man will just be like oh that girl in that video was hot and I would love to do her If given the chance. Like we can have the same thoughts dudes do after watching porn but we just have them after reading.
Theres a big difference when actually communication between two parties is involved.
Edit: The industry for smutt books is HUGE the same goes for fanfic on wattpad. I have friends who will not tell their bf’s about what type of stuff they have read about and what they find hot in books just bcs its on the more kinky side.
I’m a lady. to me asking your man not to watch porn is about as ridiculous as a man telling a woman she can’t use her vibrator or read an erotic novel. It’s self pleasure and it’s not hurting anyone. Women who have an issue with this come off super insecure. A porn addiction is a different topic though.
I’m Female. The notion that all women are emotionally driven and all men are visually driven is genuinely nonsense. I enjoy porn just as much as my partner does in my private time. I’m very visually oriented and know that among my women friends watching porn, reading porn stories and the like is super common. It’s not a thing exclusive to men.
If it is something I expect my partner to be okay with me doing, I need to be okay with him doing it or I am a hypocrite. If I am going to consume and touch to any form of exotic material he should also be able to do so. I know that a majority of the time he chooses to look at the things I send him of myself but if he chooses to look at something else that doesn’t mean he cares or feels anything for it other than it being a visual aid. The same way I only view it as a visual aid.
I have a boundary against Cam Girls or porn of anyone we know (were in a community that gets a lot of art of their characters that can be nsfw), because that is much more personal and im not okay with the personal aspect of it. Porn is fine because it is detached. I also don’t watch those things because again I find it more personal than just viewing porn and wouldn’t do that to my partner.
To actively be engaging and encouraging someone’s fantasies and flirting through text is cheating to me. It is even more personal than cam girls and in no way shape or form is that allowed in my relationship. In no way is it the same as porn.
Women here I don’t care if he watches porn we both can watch it and get new ideas 😂 the golden rule would with texting and interacting is if you wouldn’t do it in front of me don’t do it on the phone
Your logic is flawed. You cannot compare flirting with a random dude with watching porn. Flirting leads to a romantic attachment and can lead to emotional cheating or an afair. Porn does not, it does damage the brain of the person watching it the whole time.
Platforms like Onlyfans or a site that allows camgirls to interact with guys, can lead to actual problems there I agree you can compare that with flirting with a guy.
Why do you need to compare porn with something else? Have you been talking to guys who justifies porn is OK in a committed relationship?
Stop talking to fools, get more intelligent people to have a conversation with.
I do agree that porn is bad for a relationship and it is not required if you have an intimate, romantic, sexually healthy relationship. If you have a guy who does not agree with you, then stop talking to them and move on.
Ok you are trying to convince yourself that it’s okay to text other men because your bf or your belief is that it’s wrong for men in a relationship to watch porn? Porn is like watching a movie, yes it’s visual, texting and flirting with another man is wrong on many levels, and misleading especially for the other guy if your intent is not to be with him (unless your planning to leave your bf)
So turn it around and let’s say your bf is doing that, flirting with another woman. While you watch porn. How would you feel?
Lol op you sound quite toxic.
um my husband will sometimes need to. I already know how much he loves me . the thing is, I’m asexual/ demisexual. he has a larger libido then mine, so he needs to release it somehow. I can’t say no if I’m not offering, that’s not fair to him. he know he can’t help it that my body is so damn delicate, that I need time to heal. I also know how much he loves me, with tge constant random kisses, snuggles and hugging. I’m not into receiving presents and I’m really simple, but he will often get him something such as me taking care of him during covid. he went out to get me flowers even knowing I didn’t need it but he did it anyways. he also showers me with kisses whenever he comes home when I have the day off.
Yall nerds on here have really spent too much time on the internet. I’d recommend touching some grass and not being all up in other people’s relationship business.
I am a woman. Honestly, any woman who has an issue with a man watching porn is either a prude, unhealthily jealous, or insecure. It’s images on a screen, in the comfort of their own home, it’s not hurting anyone. I don’t see it as comparable to flirting with actual human beings and I don’t think most women would be happy with their man flirting with other woman.. it shouldn’t be one rule for one and not the other. You, as a woman, are also free to watch porn. Give it a try, it’s hot as fuck.
If you don’t want your partner to watch porn,tell him/set boundaries. If the partner doesn’t respect you,and cross them,then the relationship won’t work.
He does something you don’t like,so you thought “hei! I’ll do something even worse”. Classic,immature woman wisdom 😂
And,like others commented, porn is fictional, flirting not. So in stead of finding the worse ways to make it even,how about if you jump on your guy,so by the time you are done,he doesn’t need to watch any porn.
When a woman I’m dating tells me there’s no need for porn if she’s around…..then there is absolutely no need for porn.
With your logic then, women must satisfy their boyfriend’s every sexual urge by either sending lewd videos and photos to their significant other or out right having sex with them to prevent them
from looking at porn. Not a healthy dynamic so the answer would be this kind of negotiation is unhealthy. The actual equivalency should be if he is aloud to masturbate using other lewd material she should be able to as well, which makes perfect sense. A vast majority of women do not get off at flirting alone and a vast majority of porn doesn’t require emotional investment (Which should be why you engage in a relationship) where as flirting does so it just wouldn’t be the equivalent and she even runs the risk of having someone else emotionally invest in her to reciprocate flirting.
Porn is kind of an aid since the fixation is on the body and their actions, they don’t know the actors and it is there for that purpose. A more interesting question would be if the only way she can get off is by phoning into a sex hotline, ERP, or something like that. It follows the same logic since since it is an imaginary aid the same way porn is, the boyfriend could do it for her to prevent her from asking others, and you don’t really know the actors or what ever, so you truly have to bite the bullet.
Let me take a shot in the dark here.. you got caught emotionally cheating on your significant other and you want people to back you up on the false equivalency that porn is somehow the same as exchanging intimate messages because you want to blame your partner for what you did? Lol
Uh no. Men are WATCHING and ONLY watching women in porn. We are not INTERACTING with them. HUGE FUCKING DIFFERENCE. I would for sure break up with a woman sexting anyone but me. Flirting/sexting with someone else is a form of emotional cheating. Women can watch porn if they want as well but, there is plenty of erotic fiction out there that is more or less geared towards women. Same with all the romance movies and then look at movies like 50 shades of grey..
Woman commenting: Why isnt it cheating when a guy orgasms looking at someones booty when if we do it just by randomly texting a random guy then its cheating ?!!!
Hi there! I’m a woman. I’ve never given much deep thought to this, I personally don’t mind my guy watching it occasionally as long as it doesn’t interfere with our relationship: if he’d rather watch than be intimate with me, started comparing me to them, etc. If he’s lying next to me in bed and starts wacking as if I don’t exist, I wouldn’t like that.
Well, it’s not ok for you, if it is not okay for you.
I don’t think it’s useful to subject a problem between individuals to the the umbrella difficulties of our current society or different needs of the genders.
If one part of a relationship finds themselves in the described situation, it’s prime time to talk and negotiate with their partner.
Both talk, both will try their best to understand each other and consider their mutual needs. “Hey, we may have not talked about this yet, but I feel like certain behavior is a breach of our exclusivity” could be a start.
Despite effort given, if stuff is not working out, that relationship is not meant for right now and should be set aside for the time being.
All that being said:
Nobody should get all their needs out of 1 relationship, that idea is pretty toxic.
Their romantic needs? What about other strong desires?
The sexual ones? Only the fisical ones?
Maybe. Thats for the people in the relationship up to negotiate.
Doing something you would not like to be done to yourself out of spite, a sense of fairness or what ever else is doomed to fall apart.
Talk, Make your feelings known, be patient and listen to give the relationship a fair chance.
Meh. Neither of these actions are helpful for a relationship. Expending too much effort focusing on other people when you could put the foxy on your partner.
Porn is about instant self gratification.
The popping of the cork
The instant release
The wham -bam and not even having to say thank you
It’s selfish in that it’s focused on one individual.
There is no emotion for men involved,just a release of chemicals and hormones.
Wipe it clean -not all wash hands . .
move along.
The image or acts being viewed or portrayed are not in a direct connection
MOSTLY ( will allow exclusions/exceptions because bs like OF)
(I.E Even I as I’m writing this would see OF as cheating)
They’re media
and
yes,porn could be emotionally/mentally cheating and damaging when in a relationship.
Because most of the time the other person feels ignored or betrayed,just like when the men are being cheated on.
This is where communication comes in,because
“oh you got a headache.
I’ma go take care of this and not starve my needs then.
Love you babe,we can smash when you feel better.”
She needs to feel wanted too + her needs and well-being need to be met here too.
Ignoring that or her in a way for self gratification is cheating.
Now sending texts,writing messages,being on cam’s . . any communication whether written or verbal even in ‘gest or pretend here is cheating.
You are interacting with another human being by any form or means sexual in nature without consent or authorization and knowledge by your partner is cheating.
Texting jill down the street bc suzy didn’t want to give head -is cheating.
Texting jack at the bar because joe did something or pissed you off the night. .
Idk bro smelled funny. .like it’s still cheating.
Without the pillars of trust and communication
YOU will F up you’re relationship and those involved so both are important.
You will lose that shit.
So whether it’s emberassing or awkward or who know’s what
Talk to each other and listen and you’ll hopefully understand their view on what is or isn’t cheating.
Then have the decency to respect their views or move on.
Later
Because the partner never sends enough to satisfy the guy !!
This whole post is a mess, but not because of the porn. There’s some weeeeeirdd takes about men vs women here. OP sounds like you know what you’d be comfortable with and that’s great, but that visual vs emotional bit is outdated. Do women want emotional connection more because of the inherent sexualization of them at a younger age? Yep.