I guess I’m looking for reassurances or something.

I’d never done anything like this before and I’m just I guess confused about myself after what happened.

My girlfriend and I have only been dating for a couple months.

But in some ways it’s moved a lot faster than other relationships I’ve been in.

Especially when it comes to sex, I’m not complaining about that but it’s true.

Anyway yesterday she told me I could do anything I wanted to her and like she’d do anything I wanted. Like sexually.

It’s not the first time she’s offered, that but honeslty most of the time I’m not even sure what to do with that. So I just like usually put her in different possitions or have her blow more often during sex than I normally do.

And like, at first this time it was the same, but then she was on her stomach, like laying on the bed and I saw her ass and I was like I’m gonna fuck that.

So I just went for it, we weren’t using lube or anything but she’s pretty wet and so it went in fairly easy but it still clearly hurt her a bit, she made noises that sounded like pain and I could see it in her face.

I want to be really clear, she didn’t ask me to stop, but like I could see it wasn’t comfortable for her.

But it’s like a switch flipped in my head and I realized I was turned on by her pain kind of a lot. And I just sort of let my hornyness take over.

I was really rough with her and then when I was about to cum I pulled out of her ass and came in her mouth sort of just user mouth and throat to put myself over the edge.

In the moment it was like the most intense sexual experience I’ve ever had.

And she seemed excited about how much I’d lost control and told me how awesome it was. And it was awesome, like I agree.

But it also kind of scared me I guess. Like I’m not normally that kind of guy. I don’t force myself on people. But I feel kind of like I did, and seeing her in pain turned me on so much.

I’m rambling. I’m gonna stop. I guess I just want to know I’m not a horrible person for this.

EDIT: Holy shit this blew up overnight.

So a few things.

Yes I got lucky, 100% in agreement there. I was uncomfortable with my actions afterwards for a reason. I seriously don’t know what came over me and in hindsight I’m disappointed in myself even though she was delighted.

I had her consent but I don’t feel like I knew for sure that I had her consent. It’s confusing but I was clearly more upset about how things went down than she was.

We talked about it a lot last night and we’re way more on the same page now. I read some stuff last night before she came over to sort of understand better how to do this stuff responsibly.

So be assured, we’ve got a safe word, we spoke about limits and things we’re both interested in trying, etc…

And I read about aftercare and we talked about that too.

So yeah, I’m kind of excited if I’m honest.

I’ve never had a partner like her and it’s something quite new for me.

18 comments

  1. Your not a horrible person, you both seem to have enjoyed it and it was something new and different so you just have a lot of conflicted feelings, but as you move on and get more used to doing what you two enjoy it’ll be more normal.

  2. No you’re not a horrible person, you just discovered a dominant sadist side. The freedom to cause someone pain and enjoy yourself while doing it is…intoxicating. Its understandable why you got overwhelmed. What you need to do now is sit down with her and listen. Let her like detail out her experience. Ask her to tell you what it was like, what she felt, what she thought. Internalize that. Because you weren’t hurting her, not really. You need to separate the concepts of “causing pain” and “hurting” your partner.

    Hurting is bad. Its violating their boundaries, doing things they don’t want you to do, etc.

    Pain is just a sensation. Like tickling or pleasure. Pain given within someone’s tolerance and with their consent isn’t ethically any different from like getting some ice or some hot wax and using hot or cold sensations to stimulate them.

    You’re scared because you liked it and you just discovered “Dom Frenzy” which is when dominating someone feels good and you kinda lose yourself in it. You don’t want to lose yourself in it because that’s how people get hurt *by accident.*

    So what you need now is 1) Aftercare for yourself, letting her reassure you that what you did was good and 2) Structure discussion. How did it affect her, how can it be done better, limits you need to watch out for. So that when you do this again you’ve got an idea of how you wanna go about it and how far you can or will go with it so that you stay inside her boundaries.

  4. I’ll go against the tide on this one and say reading this story made me uncomfortable and I think it’s fucked up.

  5. Wait… so had you done anal with her ever before? Had she ever ever said anything about anal? At all?

    Because if so, you got super lucky that she ended up being ok. If anal has never been spoken about, you should still ask first.

    She might interpret anything as “other positions or maybe some light ass slapping.” Not something entirely new like anal.

  6. First I must say this if I’m understanding this correctly. My partner and I do ass to mouth sometimes, but it’s when I’m 100% sure I’ve been cleaned out completely. That might be something you’ll want to be careful about.

    With that said, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve been surprised by how much I like it when my partner causes me pain, sometimes a lot of pain, and also how much he enjoys doing it, too. He’s a fairly gentle man in general. It’s not unusual or wrong to enjoy that. As long as it’s consensual then just *enjoy*. It can be very satisfying.

  7. I see the cringe comments bout your post and I understand them. All them cringe comments here are valid.

    You are playing a very fine line of yes/no. While I absolutely think you did nothing wrong, you are walking on glass.

    You MUST engage in a healthy conversation to establish wants/needs/boundaries.

    Don’t get me wrong bro, but I fall in a spectrum of dominance/submissiveness. There have been many times I wan to just sit there and be dominated…. likewise, I want to be BOSS.

    But when a finger approaches my anus…. I go from HERO to ZERO in no time flat… as in flat limp ass Richard. I’m using jokes here to keep it real, but it’s real. We all do what we all do. Boundaries. I tell em… hey, you are more than welcome to go there… just don’t be upset with the results.

    She sprung this up on you with no warning. You took advantage of it and had a WIN. Great. Enjoy this type of win with this partner.

    If you marry her… good. If you don’t, DO NOT EXPECT THIS LEVEL OF WIN with the next partner.

  8. Do you watch a lot of porn? Have you ever had a dick sized object forced up your ass?

    If she is actually okay with this and not just acting, you got lucky. No lube? No stretching? You’re lucky she didnt feel pain, get a UTI, or whatever else.

    I get that its hot to hear “you can do whatever you want to me,” i say that to my bf, but i say it AFTER actually discussing anal, boundaries, etc.

    Is there anything wrong with enjoying anal and pleasure-pain? No. You and your gf need to communicate better though. Ask her how she’s feeling now, if she wants to do that again, and really get her perspective.

  9. Communication, talk to them soon about what happened and whether or not they are actually fine, discuss boundaries so that you can do “anything” without worrying about crossing a line. Find a safe word. And yes you kind of are an asshole in this situation, just cause she didn’t say stop does not count as consent and if she had’ve responded differently after you would be in massive shit. You are lucky she didn’t.

  10. So, she said “anything” was ok. But had you guys previously discussed
    – anal sex, anal sex preparation such as lube and preparation
    – anal to mouth and if she was comfortable with this (a lot of people don’t want things in their mouth after touching an anus!)
    – what to do if she was in pain
    – her boundaries
    – how to tell if she wanted to stop

    I’ve said “anything” before, but what I really meant was “anything we have previously done or previously discussed, with consideration to my comfort, pain and preferences”.
    I absolutely did not mean “anal sex with no preparation or warm up or lube, then forcing yourself into my mouth, without caring about my comfort or pain”

  11. This is a bit fucked up I can’t lie.

    Clearly use some common sense with what “do whatever you want” means. You basically just got incredibly lucky that she was ok with this.

  12. Communicate.

    Now that you’ve seen and experienced her willingness to accommodate “anything” it would be a good idea to sit together and understand what “anything” means. That goes for both of you.

  13. The thought of going in so fast and dry is horrific and she was obviously too scared to say anything because she didn’t think through her previous wording.

    This is literally borderline rape and I wouldn’t be surprised if she broke up with you soon or this at least ends up causing trust issues

    Edit: Grammar

  15. Hmmm. Forcing anal, without preparation or lube, causing pain – not nice to read you did that. You could have caused tears. You could have spread disease to her mouth.

    ​

    >But it’s like a switch flipped in my head and I realized I was turned on by her pain kind of a lot. And I just sort of let my hornyness take over.

    That’s not how domination works. You need to be in control of yourself at all times to be safe.

    Saying “do what you want” is just a signal, not actual consent for any act.

  16. Maybe she has a maso kink? I admit, it’s not for me, that rough butt stuff (previous sexual assault). But she didn’t used your safe word, I think she liked it.

    But begin to inform yourselves about rougher things, so something bad doesn’t happen.

  17. You he already gotten great advice here. I won’t shame you- for context I’m s very submissive and my husband is basically a sensual dom. Mild pain play is definitely part of our sex life and I get super turned on when he loses control like you did. But please NEVER EVER go ass to mouth. It doesn’t matter what you’ve seen in porn this a huge no-go. It can make her very very sick. Ass to mouth and ass to pussy should never be done unless you throughly clean first. Like hot water and soap.

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