I’m currently talking to my coworker who I’ve had a crush on for sometime. He asked me out on a date and i was overjoyed especially because we really clicked. He’s very funny and kind and all around a wonderful guy. Although we’ve hit it off, I’m worried that he might still have feelings for his most recent ex. They only dated for two months and she broke up with him about a month ago. Although they didn’t date that long, she came at a time where he was still getting over his feelings for his ex that left him in December of last year. That relationship lasted about 2 years and when she broke up with him it led him to a really bad depression and now he takes medication for it. Anyways, we’ve only been talking for about three weeks and he wanted to come clean to me and told me that he had sex with his most recent ex two times while talking to me. He told me it was a one time thing because she wanted to have sex with him, and that it meant nothing. He told me that he doesn’t have feelings for her anymore, but would still like to be her friend because he cares about her well being, but apparently she doesn’t want to be friends with him. I always thought it was weird wanting to be friends with an ex, so I asked him if there’s another reason for wanting to be her friend? And he said he just really enjoyed being around her, that he would be very lucky to still have her in his life, but she doesn’t feel the same way. According to him, she has blocked him from all social media and blocked his number.
I asked him why they broke up and he said, “I genuinely did not deserve her. She was too good for me.” He told me that he had feelings for another woman while dating her and that they were incompatible romantically. He said he didn’t love her as much as she deserved. He’s currently in therapy working through his issues regarding this whole situation. I also found out the other woman he had feelings for is one of our coworkers and that they’re friends. He told me that he doesn’t have feelings for his coworker anymore and that he’s in therapy working on healing from this experience.
Although we’re just getting to know each other, we’re not exclusive it made me feel uncomfortable and upset. I’m worried he might still have feelings for his ex or that he might not know what he wants. I also think it’s concerning that he had feelings for another woman while dating his ex. I’m scared that might happen to me even though our situation is different. Should I continue talking to him?
17 comments
He’s not ready to date anyone. Stay away from him until he gets his head together. Also, his ex is “too good for him” but you aren’t? Gack!
Who knows so he has feelings for? He doesn’t! Save yourself some misery and take a pass on this guy until his therapy’s kicked in.
A one time thing doesn’t happen twice lol.
I think he’s in transition from one relationship and not ready to commit to another just yet.
I’d fear he’d start something new with you then after a few dates drop you too.
I’m sorry to be so brutal but you have asked of our opinion and thoughts.
I wish you well and hope I’m wrong and you guys can make a go of things
Have an awesome weekend buddy and be true to yourself.
Anybody that says their ex was too good for them is not someone that should be entering a new relationship.
Fucked her twice but it’s a one time thing. Lol.
This guy is poison. Avoid at all costs.
I personally won’t consider a serious relationship with someone who is hooking up with other people while dating. They can end whatever FWB situation they have going on before deciding to date with the intent to form a relationship.
It would probably still bother you if he was hooking up with randos while you are in the ‘talking phase’ much less his ex-gf of 2 months. Whatever narrative exists of your relationship, if you wound up with this guy, would have to account for the fact that whatever you are talking about right now that is heartfelt and building a real connection was basically just bullshit sweet talk that doesn’t mean anything.
I’m sure there are some caveats to non-exclusivity in dating if everything is above board but realistically like 99% of the time even early on when dating or in the ‘talking phase’ you are being told things about that person’s romantic inclinations and views on relationships that can’t be reconciled with the fact that they got off the phone with you, or just said goodnight after a date and then got on the phone with someone else for a post-date booty call.
This guy sounds very confused, and tbh, rather immature. I wouldn’t expect a relationship with him to last :/
What a right monkey he is. He’s monkey branching from one woman to another.
If he’s too good for her but not for you that’s a bit of a slap in the face.
He’s clearly not ready for a relationship and you should avoid him like the plague in this respect.
The problem here isn’t that someone single had sex with someone. The problem here is that this guy is clearly emotionally hung up on people and doesn’t know what he wants. If this is the kind of drama he has over 3-4 different people (I lost count somewhere) in his life in just the last few months, it’s going to be nothing but drama here forward.
I’m glad he’s healing. I’m glad he’s in therapy. He still has work to do, and it clearly not in good working to be in a relationship. Stop talking to him and move on.
She was too good for me = Really low self-esteem and he needs to go to therapy and sort that out or it will destroy any relationship he ever tries to have.
Source: My life.
The fact that he had says with his ex while talking to you should be all the more reason to just dip. Don’t continue talking to him.
RUN OP, this man has a lot to work on. He’s still not over his ex.
Red flags everywhere, it’s not worth it to get involved with a guy who’s clearly still missing his ex. Besides that, romantic relationships with coworkers are almost always a bad idea
Anyone read the title and think ‘holy shit he fucked ex whilst he was on the phone to OP???’ 😲
I really hate the “we’re not exclusive” aspect of dating. Just because you can fuck someone doesn’t mean you have to and tbh if you are out there fucking other people then I can’t imagine you’re taking me very seriously
he is not over his ex, lol. don’t date him