I’ve always felt isolated. Since the day I was born, I’ve struggled to make friends. From first grade until the day I graduated senior high school, I was bullied by everyone at my school. My classmates despised me so much that no one wanted to take a graduation photo with me. Fast forward to sophomore year of college, and I still have no friends.
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I lack social skills. In conversations, I am deafeningly silent, I don’t know how to respond to compliments, and I don’t know how to make small talk. I come across as creepy, and I struggle to maintain eye contact. I don’t have any common interests with my peers. I’ve never owned a console (they’re all console gamers), and I don’t listen to the same music or watch the same shows that they do. They drink, smoke, and have many addictions, whereas I am a teetotaler who will not compromise.
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I only ever talked to leeches who were trying to use me to boost their grades. They’d be nice to me for a few days, then ask for my assistance in cheating on their exams. I don’t like being used. As a result, I always abruptly ghost those individuals.
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What should I do to have a few friends with whom I can hang out? btw I’m afflicted with clinical depression.
Sometimes, a person is polite and tries to be artificially nice to me and I could always sense it. I don’t know how to be genuinely interesting.
5 comments
Relatable.
I can relate. When I was young, I didn’t know how to hold conversations with others and partake in social activities with the other kids. The reason for the lack of social skills is the lack of practice at a younger age, and this compounds over time. It’s difficult to catch up and be at expected same level at others. Things changed when I entered college though, because it is a more diverse community and environment. You mentioned that you are still struggling with social skills in college. It doesn’t matter if you’re not interested in console gaming. Always try to find a community that is interested in the things you are interested in. Be true to yourself and not try to fit in the mold of your peers, otherwise you will always feel like an outcast. If there are not communities on campus at your university, then do internet searches of meetups or places near your area who are interested in the same things you are. Once you start getting involved in those groups, you can learn and practice to develop your social skills. Don’t dwell in an environment that takes advantage of you, and expect change. If you don’t like the situation or environment that you’re in, as an adult, you have the choice to find a different environment that is more suitable and comfortable for you.
If you don’t have any common interests with your peers then that’s a sign you are in the wrong group. What are you into? Board games? Hiking? Running? Gardening? Investing? Reading? There are likely interest groups for those in your area. Go meet people who like doing things you like doing.
Also give different groups a chance even if you aren’t immediately excited reading the group description. I exercised maybe 5 times all through college, it was challenging and unrewarding. But then I found an exercise group filled with great people doing workouts I can complete and I’ve been exercising 2x per week with these new friends for the past 8 months.
I won’t lie, getting yourself integrated into a new group is challenging. But it’s better than trying to fulfill your social needs with people you don’t like doing stuff with. You have to at least try. And if it didn’t work out for any reason, figure out what lesson you learned and try again.
Yes you can!
Step 1. When someone is nice to you, believe them. You’re depressed & lonely, which means you’re paying more attention to people’s micro expressions, and also much less likely to interpret them accurately. This is a known phenomenon. Especially if you’ve been bullied, you may be in the habit of assuming malice because it used to be true that everyone around you was an abusive asshole. You’re in a new environment, they’re all gone, and now there’s nice people around you.
Step 2. Look for people who do share your interests. If the people in your dorm aren’t it, go look for other clubs around campus. There’s definitely at least one you’ll find interesting. It’s a college campus. Mine had a damn quidditch team, & a circus club, a Russian language conversation practice over tea club, & a film club, to name a few.
Step 3. Watch a how to video on smalltalk. Here’s one
https://youtu.be/kKf9YNHbKMU
And here’s another
https://youtu.be/2FZ2AGo6Kec
Stick with one or 2 and practice before you binge and then forget everything.
this is 100% me