I’m a 16y girl who was “invited” to hook up by a boy from my school, 1 year older than me. Idk if this is true, but I’ve read once that the term “hook up” is a bit different in some countries, so, let me clarify: in my country, “hook up” is defined by some kisses, maybe some sex with someone, more than once, twice or anything, but without any commitment.
I have never hooked up with a boy before. In reality, I have never even kissed a boy before. I’ve only hooked up with girls my whole life because I thought I was a lesbian and as I grew older I thought my potential “crushes” on boys were only because they gave me a bit of attention and were nice to me *(I know that you got daddy issues).* But then, this boy who asked me to hook up with him, I kinda had a crush on him too. I personally think he’s one of the most handsome boys I’ve met, and if I was brave enough, I would remind him of how pretty he is every day. He’s funny, he’s gentle, BUT he is a boy. And that’s my problem.
At least, in my social circle, I don’t remember meeting any man or boy who was cisgender and straight that didn’t see a woman or a girl as their sexual object. All of my family has sexist behavior, my friends that are boys have this sexist behavior, and even my own dad sees me as an object to please boys. He always tells me that I need to “be pretty” so I can have one (which includes body shaming me, humiliating me, and always telling me that I NEED to get a boyfriend). And that’s why I fkcing hate men, at least the men that I live with. The boys of my age (again, the boys that I know of my age) only respect girls if they have any sexual interest in them. I remember the day I and my friend literally screamed “shut up” to me bc I was trying to talk to him about a project at our school after I didn’t want to hook up with him. I don’t talk to him anymore, so it’s fine.
Am I attracted to boys? Yeah. Do I want to hook up with a boy? Also yeah. Do I want to hook up with the boy who invited me? Absolutely. Am I scared of it? YES YES YES
I honestly don’t see any relationship between me and a boy being good. And, honestly if this thing of me and the boy who asked me out work, we certainly will be sort kind of “Nate and Maddy”.
I honestly don’t know why I am so scared. Maybe is a fear of being judged by him, maybe of being really used as a sexual object, maybe of falling in love and then suffering, maybe of being manipulated. Since this is my first time with a boy, maybe it’s, like, common? I don’t know. But I’ll keep updating this until something happens.