My girlfriend is having a big birthday party and she’s planning on inviting her ex to it.
She’s not friends with her ex anymore but their parents are friends and she thinks inviting him is the right thing to do to keep her mum happy who’s paying for the party.
I really hate this idea and have raised it with her but she just says it’s the right thing to do. She doesn’t seem to be taking my feelings on the matter into account at all.
I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to demand anything from her but if she invited him I’d be very upset.
Any advice about raising this with her and helping her see my side of things.
20 comments
Put on your big boy panties and let her run her birthday party the way she wants to, instead of trying to be a drama Queen center of attention on her day?
Work on the security and jealousy thing.
The trick is – It’s a learned thing but be okay with losing her and improve your self-worth
Imma let you know if your significant other wants to cheat they’re gonna cheat. Imo see how she treats him at the party. That would be the first time in this situation where you have the right to be upset.
Why would it make her mom happy to invite her ex?
Things to consider;
The single most important piece of advice I can give you is; Healthy Relationships are Based on Trust and Respect.
Ask yourself why you have an issue with him coming? Are you jealous? Do you think she still has feelings for him or may cheat on you? Is this your issue, or hers? Is this about him at all? Is it more about her parents? Is it about her not taking your feelings into account?
Think through these carefully.
If it’s a jealousy issue, then you need to decide how strong your relationship really is. Has she given you any reason to not trust her? If not, then, what’s your deal? If so, why are you still with her at all?
If this is about the parents or her not taking your feelings into account, then you need to have a serious talk! Ask her how she’d feel if either situation was reversed.
You have the right to not be okay with her spending time with an Ex. Just as she has that same right toward your Exes. However, if you Trust and Respect her…you probably don’t overly need to worry about it.
Think of it this way; She chose YOU over him. Rub it in his face if he’s ever around. Grab her ass in front of him, smile, and wink.
You either trust her or you don’t. If you do, then you have nothing to worry about. If you don’t then you don’t need to be in a relationship with her anyway (or she doesn’t need to be in one with you, not sure which), and again, you don’t need to worry about it then either.
Bend over?
Suck it up buttercup. Right now her mom is more important to her than you and if mom is happy then it’s all good. If not, you’re going to lose twice.
Not your birthday. Deal with it.
She can do what she wants….but i would never be with someone who would put me in that position.
Start a fight with him, ruin the party, and she’ll know for next time lol.
Since it’s her parents and not her I wouldn’t worry.
It’s a shittest by proxy. Just say no if you are not comfortable with the situation. You may have insecurities within your self or the relationsship, but that should not stop you from letting her know your boundaries. As you are not the cause of the situation you should not take responsibility for the solution. Any guilttrip can be countered by her not setting boundaries for her mother and introducing uncertainty in the relationship. Being a pushover will only breed contempt in the long run.
Bunch of clowns in these comments. OP it’s okay to not want the ex of the girl you’re dating coming around, most people wouldn’t like being put in that position. I’d rather not date someone who thinks they have to continuously please their parents like the excuse she gave you. Think how you’ll feel in the future if she’s going to keep doing things just to make her parents happy, knowing it upsets you. There’s a healthy balance between caring how your parents feel and how your significant other does as well. Ask how she’d feel knowing an ex of yours was showing up to your birthday party, if she doesn’t like it then ask why is it okay for her to do it and if she doesn’t mind, then you have different values when it comes to previous relationships.
Do me a favor for a second. Really think about think about how you feel about that Ex showing up. Got that feeling? Good. Now, go drop the girl.
You made your feelings known; her priorities are keeping her mom happy over your relationship. Be done and move on.
You deserve to be a priority. If she is ignoring you when you came out and told her about this, she will repeatedly do this later and leave you feeling worse throughout the years.
Find one that takes you more into account. Stay strong, brother.
That ain’t cool. It shows an unusual lack of regard and respect for you.
If she lacks the empathy or capability to understand why this invite inappropriate, then that is a red flag.
You cannot demand anything. It’s her party and her decision.
What you can do is control who you have in your life and what part you go to and with who.
If she isn’t willing to consider your feelings as important then she isn’t worth your time either.
Then its ok for you to invite your ex….
There are a few sides here.
1) She needs to set boundaries with her mother. Her mother should not interfere in her life like this. This is the biggest problem in this situation and it needs to be addressed from her side as well as her mother’s side.
2) Why is her ex being there such a big deal? If your relationship is stable, then him being there should not threaten the relationship. If it isn’t then it’s something that needs to be addressed bit it has nothing to do with the ex. If your relationship is stable and you’re insecure, then that’s something that needs to be addressed from you to you. You don’t need to be thrilled about the situation but when you stop to think about it, is it really that big of a deal?
If she isn’t still fucking her ex she will be within a week after the party.