My boyfriend (M20) has been texting a girl (F20) who I (F19) told him I was uncomfortable with.

My boyfriend (M20) and I (F19) have been together for two years and have been living together for the entirety of this year. We’ve known each other since high school, and I used to be able to say the relationship was great.

For context:
We were long distance for a while, as I had to move with my family out of state. While I was out of state, he mentioned how this girl had invited him to a party for her going away or graduation (they graduated the same year, so I really don’t think that’s it) or some reason for a party.

I told him I was uncomfortable with him going and to my recollection he acknowledged it and I thought we were on the same page.

Fast forward to February of this year, we had only been living together for about two months. I noticed he became more distant and chalked it up to him adjusting. Eventually I got the overbearing urge to go through his phone (which is wrong and I hate everything I learned).

I found so much porn saved to multiple different storage apps, nudes of girls from past relationships and situationships, and porn on his Discord.

On Discord, I noticed a name that looked familiar. That name was of course the girl who I told him I was uncomfortable with him attending her party. I went through the messages to find out he in fact did go to her party and lied to me about it. He kept up the lie so long (about a year) it’s almost like he was never going to tell me.

I eventually talked to him about that in particular, to which he was like “I swear I said something” to which I had pulled up our messages from the exact instance detailing how he never said anything and never mentioned it over call. His story was flaky, and my recollection of the messages reminded me of when we were in our talking stage, making it all the more uncomfortable for me.

Now tonight:
He got really quiet at one point after working on his computer (he had to reboot it and reinstall everything). I assumed he was just tired and encouraged him to come to bed with me. He did, and he watched Youtube for a little bit, and we eventually laid how we would to sleep.

I had requested he hold me, and for about five minutes he did before I could feel him typing on his phone on my back. I waited and waited for a bit to see if he would return to holding me, and surprise! he didn’t. So I get up for some water to see what his reaction is because I’ve been suspicious of him since I found all that I did. He acted weird.

We fell asleep and I woke up later because my body told me my period had started (yay) and I got the urge to look through his phone for the first time since February. My gut was right and he was texting her. He had been texting her since just before he got in bed with me, and continued to text her on my back. The messages again reminded me of our talking stage, and so now I’m here.

I don’t know how I could possibly bring it up. He lied to me about his porn despite him being a self admitted porn addict, he’s lied to me about texting other girls and Snapchat bots for nudes, he’s lied to me about being late from work because he was working (he was not), he’s lied to me about that party, so god only knows what else he lied to me about. Most of his friends hadn’t even known I existed until the day we started working together.

He also recently had threatened to k!ll himself and that really knocked the wind out of me because that came out just a day before we left for my birthday trip.

I really don’t know what to do, I feel awful. His birthday is this month and I don’t want to ruin it, but it feels like he has never taken me seriously with anything and I’m so tired. Can this be reconciled? What am I supposed to do?

TL;DR: My boyfriend attended a girl’s party after I told him I was uncomfortable with it while I lived out of state, lied about it for almost a year, and now it texting that girl again literally behind my back.