Been on 3 dates with her, but we’ve been speaking for a few months. The reason it’s only been 3 dates is because we live in different cities and we have busy schedules so its not always easy to meet. But we text almost everyday, they’re short conversations but very frequent.
I like her, but there have been some things that have been bothering me more and more lately.
For example, I feel I’m very low on her priority list compared to what she is on mine. She’s not my priority obviously, but higher than I am for her. I feel she doesnt really like to adjust or compromise her schedule for mine, whereas I do tend to go out of my way to make time for her. I obviously don’t expect her to go very out of her way to do things since we have our own lives but it makes me wonder if she’s just like this or do I just don’t mean anything to her.
I write her short cute messages sometimes along the lines of “wish you were here rn” or “was thinking about you”, to which she replies and seems happy about but doesn’t really give the same energy back. It’s usually me starting conversations, which I’m okay with as long as the person replies properly, but I’d like her to do it more than she does now.
All in all, I just don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere near the same effort and importance from her as I’m giving this. I’m not blaming her or criticizing her, because maybe she does give me this much and I don’t realize it, or she has her own way of doing it and I just can’t see it, but I just don’t feel this has been enough. Also I feel it’s reduced over the last 2-3 weeks which is bothering me since idk whats wrong.
I dont want to break things off or fight, I just wanna talk it out with her without sounding weird or awkward, and make myself clear. I am a generally closed person who’s bad at really expressing himself, and I’ve been going through a very tough time mentally for the last 5 years which has made me less expressive, because I’m scared of people leaving if I say something they don’t like, which obviously in the long run is probably good for me but yeah I still struggle.
So how can I communicate my feelings with her?
TLDR: (20F) not putting nearly the same amount of effort into our “relationship” as I (23M) am, how can I communicate this?
6 comments
Idk, after 3 dates if I wasn’t feeling it I’d probably just end it. But if you want to try you can just talk to her about how you feel that you’re putting more emotional energy into this right now and you’re wondering if she’d be able to give at least a try at being more involved and making it easier to see her.
It’s been three dates and some texts, there’s not really anything to save. If it’s not vibing find something that does.
>I’m not blaming her or criticizing her, because maybe she does give me this much and I don’t realize it, or she has her own way of doing it and I just can’t see it
Not really sure what you mean by this. If the only way you communicate is by text and voice calls (or whatever mediums you use) then… What you have received and read and responded to is what she has given you? How or where could there be anything else?
It sounds like you’re just not on the same wavelength here tbh.
Are you guys in an actual relationship? What do you feel is more important than you? (i.e. school, work, friends) Do you have real conversations with her?
It’s been three dates. You’re not feeling secure or excited or compatible.
If you want to continue, then ask for the reassurance you need that she values the connection you have together, and ask her for the kind of communication that helps you feel secure.
If you want more time together, or more communication, ask for it clearly. (And at this stage of the connection, I’d suggest you keep the communication to “Cool memes or stuff you’re up to” and not “Send me good morning texts every day.” level). But don’t criticize what comes to her naturally or suggest she’s doing anything wrong. She’s really not. Your expectations seem a bit, excessive to me, for the current status of this connection. And you’re not children anymore and. She might like you very much, but still not make someone she’s seen three times as central to her life as you are making her in yours.
Then stop giving her your effort if you dont feel its appreciated or reciprocated. Fall off. Go ghost. Do things you like. See other women. She’s not beholdened to you and you arent to her. You can’t make someone treat you how you want to be treated.
I would suggest getting comfortable with the idea of breaking things off. Keep an abundance mindset.