Background:
I am 30 years old, currently living in London and will live here for another year at least. I had two relationships so far, its been one year since my last one and I am ready to date again. I havent decided if I want to pursue a relationship or look for something physical only. I am a relationship sex type of person but given I dont really intend to stay here long-term, I dont really want to lead anyone on. ONS dont appeal to me and tbh my girlfriends who tried it, never had an orgasm or even a general enjoyable experience.
I am happy with vanilla type of sex and this has been my experience so far as well. However, since I am currently living in such a metropolitan town it would be a shame to waste a good opportunity to have better sex and explore. Based on the active daters around me the general expectation in regards to sex is vanilla or a somewhat dominant guy with a submissive women. However I prefer to be more in control, the things I would like to do (but not necessarily in the same session):
1) put a collar (simple leather or clergy one) on him
2) blindfold him
3) tie him up
4) have him wear a cock ring
5) have my feet/legs kissed
6) orgasm denial/control
7) serve me/ give control to me: kneel in front of me, undress himself, undress me, touch/kiss me when and how I tell him, touch himself how and when I tell him.
To be honest I don’t really think its worth going for kink sites for the above. I am not into degradation /humiliation or inflicting pain to anyone. Its also mostly a mind thing. For example: in general people think cowgirl is a “powerful” position for the women and I could not disagree more. Nothing angers me more than the guy lying on his back and be happily served by me while wearing a shit eating grin on his face and having his hands casually folded behind his back. Ex number one did this once and in a moment of rage I went for his collar bones to show him who is in charge. His shocked expression and change in demeanor still gets me off today. No harm done, I did not choke him in any way, nor am I interested in it and he liked it. I think by either (or both) blindfolding or tying him up I could enjoy it much more. Also for some doggy is degrading, whereas I think its the easiest: I tell him when to move, how hard to fuck and I can give myself to the sensation.
Both exes have done 5-7 to some extend/ in a light version. I just privately enjoyed those moment differently/ more intensely. 1-2 don’t seem as to big of an ask. 3-4 might be a stretch.
Having a slightly submissive fwb (maybe with a foot fetish) would be ideal to build trust for different scenarios as I don’t necessarily want to have everything happening at once . If you are on the standard dating apps and consider yourself the average man (not submissive) would you do any of the above (1-7)? Would you enjoy it even? Tips from submissive men or London specific ones are welcome 🙂
3 comments
Fetlife or /r/bdsmpersonals will generally do you better than vanilla dating apps. Just because you’re not into like heavy BDSM or sadism doesn’t mean it’s not fully BDSM territory. The thing about what you’re looking for is that submissive guys are much less likely to self identify outside of the kink community so vanilla dating sites are going to involve alot of “So are you a subby guy?” “No.” conversations.
I can’t say that guys who aren’t submissive are going to generally go for domination, remember that lots of people do not think about sex in Dom/sub terms at all.
Would add r/femdompersonals to the previous comment.
feeld?