Today at uni I decided to attend a course from another degree program and I met a nice guy who just randomly started talking to me. I’ve been wanting new friends for a long time but being very shy I’m always afraid to make the first move. We talked a bit, exchanged opinions on our courses and so on, and he introduces me to his friends, who were waiting with him for the beginning of the next lesson. From the beginning I could see that he looked at me in a weird way, he never stopped staring me and it was obvious that he was very much into me. Being very new to dating, I didn’t know what to do, as I didn’t see him that way and I started feeling quite out of place. As he waits for his friends to go to class, he lets me know that it’d be great to meet again and it’d be great if we meet again in that class. He evidently was aiming at a contact or address and it makes perfect sense, as it’s difficult to randomly meet each other in another course’s lessons. I reflected on the whole thing and I got to a few considerations. I don’t regret not having given him my contact, but simply because I knew he would have taken it as a positive sign for something else; and you’re right if you think that I’m just supposing, but from the way he acted and looked it was blatant, and being the romantically awkward person that I am, I wouldn’t be able to tell him that I don’t potentially see him that way. It’s probably because he isn’t attractive and the whole thing didn’t click (I hope someone can understand me). I feel very sorry for him, because he was very nice and if he had talked to me more in a friends way I would have for sure given my contact. It’s very embarassing to formalize or better rationalise female sexuality; it’s much more complicated than mens and I always feel guilty when misunderstandings happen. Most of all because it seems very stupid to “”reject”” romantically someone you just met, as you need time to build the connections to a healthy relationship and so on. So here I ask you, men of reddit, what could I have done better? Am I that stupid for taking into account his physical appearance? How can I know to be sure both not to hurt anyone nor being considered superficial just in case that happens again? Than you for your time
8 comments
Just say that you’re only interested in friendship with them. And not being attracted to someone is a valid reason not to be interested in them romantically. That being said, if your standards are too high, the chances of you finding a romantic partner drop precipitously. So find a balance.
You’re not wrong for being cautious, could be that he was interested in something more serious but from my experience guys behave like that from the beginning when they just wanna have sex, even for us men it takes time to develop romantic feelings
Either go out with him a couple of times and see how you feel or don’t… I mean, what else are you going to do? Reddit knows the answer to this: tell him you aren’t interested, become friends, wait for him to get a girlfriend, get jealous and jump on r/AskMen to ask what you should do about this friend who just got a girlfriend and you really fancy, you don’t know how he couldn’t have seen the signs and why is he with this other girl that was so transparent and probably just said yes when he asked her out.
> It’s very embarassing to formalize or better rationalise female sexuality; it’s much more complicated than mens and I always feel guilty when misunderstandings happen
Honestly, that sounds like a _you_ problem. Many women don’t share it.
> Most of all because it seems very stupid to “”reject”” romantically someone you just met
That’s actually not _stupid_, that’s _pretentious and narcissistic_ if you assume his intentions incorrectly that way.
The general rule of thumb is: never assume, always communicate.
> Am I that stupid for taking into account his physical appearance?
No, but that question is probably only there to make yourself look more innocent than you are. I won’t buy for a second that you don’t know that looks matter.
> So here I ask you, men of reddit, what could I have done better?
It’s funny that in this entire wall of text you never really said how you actually parted ways, how you actually rejected giving him your contact info. So lacking a reference nobody could tell what to do “better”.
Be kind and honest. Learning to take rejection well is one of life’s lessons. We learn to take it in a healthy way, or face what must be a terrible existence.
Idk..my basic rule of thumb is to never go out with someone I’ve just met ..on the first day or even the week. Because most probably there’s something i won’t like about them or there’s something off if they try to rush it. Just say that you don’t know them well enough to be doing that and you’re not looking for it and You’d rather be friends(that is if you want to).
Give him flowers and 5$ and tell him to go fuck off.
Ignore them