Let me preface this by saying I [27f] love my boyfriend [27m] and our life together. Breaking up is not at all on my radar.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. I’m worried about his health. He is quite overweight for his height and now that we live together, I’m seeing his eating habits more clearly. He played football until college, so I think he’s just never changed his eating habits from that time in his life. He over eats, snacks and doesn’t work out at all these days. He doesn’t seem to mind, he’s kind of always partially based his personality around being a ‘big guy’, 6’3” 320lbs. But I know it must bother him a little.
I’m noticing it more and more that his weight is becoming an issue. He can’t shop at ‘regular’ stores, he can’t fit on carnival rides. He always keeps his shirt on during intimacy. Most recently, he wasn’t able to do Indoor skydiving with our friends. His dad has sleep apnea and was recently diagnosed with pre diabetes so weight/health related issues isn’t uncommon in his family.
My concerns are growing and I just don’t want him to continue down this path. How can I bring this up as delicately as possible? I just want him to be healthy and not go down the same road as his dad
TLDR; my boyfriend is overweight and isn’t making healthy choices. I’m worried for him. How can I bring this up delicately?
6 comments
It would be better for you to not do this yourself and instead to take a support role with any healthy choices that he chooses.
When is the last time that he went to the doctor? The doctor can do his blood work and see how he is doing and talk to him about any risks that are coming down the road and how he can make some healthy choices in his life.
With the holiday season coming up, you might think about if there are any healthy choices that your significant other is interested in that you can get him as a gift. You don’t want to get someone a gym membership if they’ve never mentioned it because that’s passive aggressive, but if he has been expressing interest in something it might make a great stocking stuffer.
It’s definitely at a point where he’s morbidly obese and he has to do something about it because health problems will just start pouring in. Tell him that you’re seriously concerned about his health and you hope he would at least consider being healthier, offer to cook healthy meals for him/help him through the process and encourage him.
This is touchy area.
I think the best way is to make an effort to live well and coax him to join you. Seeing a therapist? Ask him to join you at times, so you can talk about your concerns with a mediator. Regular gym appointments? Invite him along to work out together. Trying to eat healthier foods? Make enough for three, so he can eat to “full” but something healthier than pizza or burgers. Seeing a doctor about your own health? Ask him to join you and bring up issues as if they pertain to you, so the doctor can offer advice indirectly to him, maybe.
That way, it’s not a him problem that demands a him solution, it’s a journey together that starts from a place of “helping you” (even though it’s totally about helping him).
If you feel you can speak bluntly with him, you can try to be more direct. But it can be tough not to hurt feelings.
I’ve been where he is, but for different reasons. I was never an athlete but it’s easy to just gain 5-10 pounds a year over a span of ten years, and then bam, you’re 75-100 pounds overweight one day.
I didn’t lose it by working out as much as just cutting way back on my diet. It’s not hard. Just force yourself to stick with a much lighter diet for a solid couple of weeks and your appetite will go down as well.
I don’t think there’s a way for you to delicately bring it up without just saying it.
Could you make it a joint project? At his size he should lose weight with small efforts, like eliminating sugary drinks and going for walks or similar so maybe make Saturday morning your hike morning together? Go new places each time or find a good one you both like and consider it date time with the twist of also incorporating exercise?
Well an easy way that wont help his self growth is if you make his meals. Breakfast lunch and dinner.
Or if you two started being active or have the honest open conversation. If he truly says it’s a problem and one of his goal is to change, then ask how you can support him and be part of his journey.