There was a party at a coworkers house the other day and one of our bosses went. He is 33M and I’m 23F. At work we are cool and talk normally maybe joke and flirt a bit nothing crazy. There was drugs and alcohol at this party which he was engaging in both. I only drank a little then stoped. Towards the end of the night he was definitely very intoxicated and stood right next to me and started flirting and then he basically insinuated having sex for money. I turned him down and walked away and told my friends that we should go. Next day at work he didn’t show up. Today I saw him and we talked like normal. I don’t know if he remembers anything from the night before. Honestly I’m just in shock he would even ask me that like we never even talk that much at work. I felt a little awkward today at work in the beginning when he barely acknowledged me but then things leveled out. The good thing is that even though he is a manager is not my direct boss so I don’t have to work so closely to him.
27 comments
Talk to HR or your boss’s boss. This dude remembers. He’ll pick your first screw up to fire you. Document everything and tell
People so you can say you told people.
First of all go straight to HR and report him….Suggest they do a drug test since you know it will come up positive
Even if you were off the clock work wise what he did is NOT OK
In most companies it would be instant dismissal to behave around other workmates in that manner and you also need to do this to prevent him doing it to someone else or even worse it becomes a criminal matter
Things that happen outside of work can still create a hostile work environment and be considered sexual harassment.
How are you supposed to work with this man and feel safe/professional?
Go to HR and file a complaint. You should not be forced to work with this man.
Sheesh. Some really bad advice in here. OP, IF you decide to go to HR understand that while you did nothing wrong, and it’s absolutely well within your right, it will not come without risk. If you have any evidence of his advances, preserve it. Consider whether or not there were witnesses, etc.
What he did was definitely inappropriate. However, the process for HR would likely be to take a statement from you, then from him, then interview any witnesses and review evidence. If it ends up just being your account vs his account he could end up with anything from a slap on the wrist and a warning to termination.
My advice would be to write down what happened in detail to preserve it. Monitor the situation and see if he is doing anything else to create a bad work environment for you and go to HR if either you get any proof, or it becomes a really bad environment for you.
It sucks but that’s real life advice, not this bs that some people are writing that could put you in harm’s way.
That is sexual harassment and you need to report it to HR.
I’m shocked by the people suggesting OP should go to HR. She would be let go /fired the next day. HR is not your friend. They exist to protect the company, not the employee.
OP if u plan on going to HR, I suggest you contact a lawyer first before u actually approach them.
dont talk to the HR it wont help you at all, sadly without evidence you really are not in position to try to make something out of this as they are probably gonna take his side (un)willingly. my best advice would be to either leave asap if you feel threatened or just wait for the next slip and have it recorded somehow
Ugh. This is why people should never get wasted around their coworkers. I learned this the hard way long ago. I planned to just have a few drinks, but ended up getting drunk at an open bar company event and one of my sober coworkers had to drive a bunch of us home. I blacked out at some point during the night before the ride. I found out the next day that I had pulled my dick out in the car full of 5 of my coworkers- 2 of which were direct reports. I would never do anything like this in my right mind, but I know that doesn’t justify it. Fortunately, we were all very young and cool with each other and nothing ever came from it (aside from them making fun of me), but needless to say I was mortified and had to walk on eggshells for the rest of my tenure at that job.
With that said, do what feels right for you. If you feel like you should go to HR, then do so. Being high and drunk isn’t an excuse to proposition a coworker for sex work. There’s also the chance that he does this regularly to other employees, which could be why he was so emboldened to do so with you.
If he’s like that all the time definitely take action. If he was extremely messed up and he never tries it again, he was definitely just too messed up to remember. We’ve all done things when we’re to messed up. That’s a weird spot to be in regardless of that though and I hope he’s not like that while sober.
Unpopular opinion.
Man was on drugs and alcohol. What do you expect??? Ultimately nothing happened and if things are normal at work, keep it that way.
Omg the guy was wasted and ran his mouth he didn’t touch her, never has attempted to touch her and he didn’t text her, call her or come on to her back at work. All you snowflakes need to understand you are far from perfect, you will and you do fuck up, remember that when you do how bad you wanted her to ruin another persons life over a drunk, high statement that he never followed up on. This is like road rage if your cars not hit and your not hurt turn off, stop let them get ahead then turn off or just ignore it unless they chase you down, same here he was wasted.
So everyone drank alcohol and someone thought someone said something wrong with no evidence. Keep your mouth shut.
You went to a house party of a coworker and your boss was an ass while high. So be it. Leave it or deal with the consequences. Don’t go to these things.
It’s good you walked away and didn’t engage. He probably doesn’t remember
Agree with all that the boss was inappropriate and also about the problems she will have with HR without any proof.
But this is further complicated by the fact that she admits in the post that at work they flirt.
So document all as recommended, consider this a big red flag being raised with this a-hole, but unless there is another incident (with you or others you know) or if things feel uncomfortable or unsafe, not sure if going to HR makes sense.
If you’re not into it then fine, no need to make anything more about it. Move on and make money.
Don’t worry about it and please, PLEASE don’t take advice from idiots saying you should go to HR.
It’s very hard to evaluate what happened and whether you have any kind of claim against this guy, with the facts you’ve provided. In particular, what exactly did he say that you interpreted as “will you have sex with me in exchange for money?” Because the fact that you took him to mean that does not imply that he meant to suggest that. And even if he did mean to suggest that, if he was careful with his wording, it’s going to be extra double hard to get any recourse.
If society had its way.
Guy drunk and high: fully responsible for his actions.
Girl drunk and high: not possibly able to be responsible for her actions.
I mean, he was drunk and high… If you guys do joke and flirt I understand where he would be coming from, specially because he just insinuated instead of asking openly – I think he was testing the waters with you to see if you were up for it. I understand your shock but I don’t think he is an asshole or anything like that, at least just based on this situation. And either way, there’s a chance he doesn’t even remember and there’s also a chance he remembers it and is very embarrassed about it. I wouldn’t take it too much to the heart, honestly.
But you do have the right to be uncomfortable though. I just don’t think he is entirely in the wrong just based on this situation
Beyond stupid of him! Stop partying with co-workers.
This happened outside work… And you know he was drunk. Since you were sober, why are YOU lingering on it further. Even bosses are are allowed to be drunk at a party and btw at the party he was just Jim and not BosS, so that’s ok.
Why are you flirting at work
every person i know, including myself, when go to HR, have our life ruined. I’m on your side, just warning you, better political players can ruin your life for no reason and in a second. if nothing happened, document, tell a few people you know, and let it go.
I decided after seeing drama at work to not partake in parties and such where a lot of coworkers, supervisors, bosses, etc. are going to be if it’s similar to a house party etc.. I’ve held my job for 20 years now and the number of issues I’ve seen end up in some sort of major conflict or someone ultimately getting fired for to much associating outside work is astronomical. I hate drama like that so I decided unless the get together were certain coworkers I knew who had my similar mindset and were chill to be around,, I simply would not accept such invitations. I try and keep boundaries to separate my professional and personal life, the old saying of “don’t shit where you eat” if you will.
This didn’t happen at work/on the job etc. so going to HR could potentially backfire in all sorts of ways. I’d chalk it up to live and learn, and move on.
You went to a party at a man expressed interest in sex. Is this abnormal?
Outside of work in a social setting and he was drunk? Nothing to do with work AT ALL.
If he brings it up in work and acts inappropriately then sure straight to HR.
As a manager who has engaged in outside of work get together and parties I definitely would not report it to HR. If you and this manager have been cool and flirty in the past, and you made a boundary that he in an altered state didn’t push or make worse. Give some grace. It could be one of those things that happened once and will never happen again…. lord knows I’ve had so many never talking about this again moments out with employees who were my subordinate (nothing sexual though). However, if it happens to you or another coworker again. Absolutely go to HR.