Hi people, 21M here. In a sticky situation with a 26F. I met this girl on Instagram a couple weeks back and to cut things short we ended up going on a date, she picked me up from a side road outside town where I left my truck as she had free parking in town and insisted on picking me up (I’m guessing just to suss me out)
Anyway, when I got in conversation was flying I was thinking what a good start, she was gorgeous, funny and seemed to have a good thing going for her. Next thing she asks is my age, now I’m a big bastard and don’t look or act my age in anyway, so I said you first. 26… perfect always preferred older so I just straight up said I’m 21 (I Am). Now when I say the look on her face was as if someone had just crashed into her car I mean she literally looked more guilty than a crack dealer getting picked up by old bill with the crack in hand.
Obviously seeing her reaction I straight away said I was joking and that I was 23. That was an “acceptable” age to her and we eventually spoke about how 21 would be too young. Had a great date everything went well, I’ve seen her a few times since, really enjoyed each other’s company and have even booked events a month in advance together, every time we meet though somehow age has come into it and she insists that 21 is just too young for her. Obviously with me sinking into my seat I can’t bring myself to tell her. Chances are she might not care as she’s said that I don’t act my age anyway (thinking I’m 23). Now obviously if things go the distance this lie has to stop but I don’t want it to end just yet if it comes to it. What’s the best move?
TIA
Edit – after comments I’ll be coming clean the next time I see her and trying to apologise for the lie. Also try to convince her to see past it thanks for the help
Edit pt 2 – Got a text today with her breaking it off because she’s not ready for anything serious, no hard feelings but probably for the best. Problem solved I guess
30 comments
You don’t have a way to save this. You literally lied. Great basis to a relationship.
Come clean. Full stop.
If 21 is too young for her, then it’s too young for her, but I guarantee that you lying to her repeatedly about your age is *also* likely to be a deal-breaker.
You just need to be honest with her and hope for the best, but you can’t just keep lying to her.
Yeah you totally buried yourself alive. Small chance if you tell her the truth and explain why you lied, bring a nice gift, beg for Mercy and she really really likes you. Maybe then she will overlook this one thing. Worst thing you could do is carry on, get serious with her and then she finds out. Zero chance of survival at that point.
>I just straight up said I’m 21 (I Am). Now when I say the look on her face was as if someone had just crashed into her car
You need to be straight up with her and admit that you lied. She’s most likely going to reject you for it but it’s better you do this now vs her finding out later and making it a LOT worse.
Man i don’t see what you can do except telling her you are 21…
Maybe she wouldn’t have dated if you didn’t say you were 23, but now she probably will be more angry that you lied.
I hope she doesn’t care about your age…don’t lie about that extent to your friends or your girlfriend.
My ex of 7+ years was only 20 when we met but told me he was 24 (the minimum age i requested in my dating profile). I Googled him later and found out he was only 20! I called him out on his lie and he said “I really liked you and knew you wouldn’t even speak to me if you knew I was only 20.” That was true but I already liked him and his excuse was valid and flattering. I should have saw it as more of a red flag though because he lied and hid things (his addictions) pretty much every day for our entire relationship which caused me to lose faith, trust, and respect for him. That and his addictions were our demise. I would suggest that you tell her something like he told me BUT don’t lie to her again should she want to continue on. Hope this helps!
Tell her the truth like a true 23 yr old. 😁Remember, part of being a man is learning to deal with a women when she’s mad at you.
You lied. To start a relationship. You blew it. Move on
You have to be honest and tell her that you have been 21 this whole time. It’s going to be harder to cover up if you two do progress in this relationship. She probably already told close family and friends you are 23.
No, you should be honest, because if anything ever gets bigger than a kiss, it comes in the consent, and she is consenting to having sex with a 23-year-old not a 21 year old… I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal but if you start a relationship of lying and taking away something as important as consent it’s going to be a rocky one.
Ya no way of saving this. You wasting her and your time. Come clean and let her go.
Just tell her. Maybe she’ll forgive you (probably not). Either way it’ll be a good learning experience for you
as a woman, i would feel extremely uncomfortable if someone did this to me. you’re basically tricking her into being in the type of relationship that she clearly is not okay with. it’s creepy as fuck. grow up OP
What everybody else said. I’m gonna suggest a very simple version of what you should say, but basically “I like you. I felt we had a good thing going. When I told you I was 21, you were horrified, so I lied, because of how I felt, in the situation. I’m not 23. And I realize lying isn’t the way to go with this, and I’m being disrespectful to you and your preferences. I’m sorry, blah blah blah, if you want me to screw off, I get it”, and that’s that 🤷♂️
You are proving to her why 21 is too young by starting off lying to her.
>Obviously seeing her reaction I straight away said I was joking and that I was 23.
This was your mistake. You told the truth and should have stuck to it, now you need to come clean that you lied. The sooner you do it the better.
I think part of the reason she thinks 21 is too young is exactly because of shit like this 🤪
Dude… you fucked up. Just own up to it. Tell her your sorry and that you lied and you actually are 21, say your sorry for betraying her trust but that you really enjoyed spending time with her. But at the end of the day it’s not your place to manipulate her into a relationship with lies. Honesty is the most important building block to any relationship. And by lying your denying her the opportunity to decide what is best for her, it’s very selfish of you. Lying to me is an instant disqualification for a partner. If you lie about something as trivial as your age, what would you do when it’s actually something serious? Do this girl a favor and come clean. And then she can decide if she wants to be with you or not. Otherwise your living a lie and it’s not real love.
Don’t lie about your age. I JUST met someone who lied about their age to me, then let it slip later that they were a year younger than they said. It was a major red flag and the fact that he lied was a far worse issue than the age itself. Hate to say it, this probably won’t go down well. Bad foundation to start on.
You’re gonna get exposed sooner or later.
Stop fucking lying to people.
21 might be too young for her because of the things 21yos do… like lying about their age. *Cough cough*
Lol I’m just breaking your balls man. Seems like you panicked when you saw her reaction. I think the initial lie can be pretty easily forgiven. However allowing it to continue will make it worse. Feel like you have to come clean. Don’t want to start a relationship on a lie. If she ends things because of it, then this should be a learning experience about lying 🤷🏼♂️
I’m also a younger male with an older female partner. That has been my preference in dating. I’ve had the issue you’re experiencing. My partners have been unsure about dating younger men. I haven’t tried to hide my age. I’ve just asked for the opportunity to show them that I am mature. In all cases so far, I have been able to do that. My current partner and I have the same gap you’re facing. I’m 27 so the context might be a little different, I’m planning to marry this woman. But regardless just own who you are. If you are a mature younger guy and you like the maturity that women a little older than you can offer, then just own that. In my experience, most people respect that.
You got enough advice but damn dude you fucked up. Imagine if you would hook up with a 16/17 yrs old girl and she told you she is 19. Not so different
Come clean of course! The consequences will come no matter what, but the consequences of being honest will likely be less harsh than that of her finding out herself or you dragging it on even longer. As a 25F, I too would not be interested in a 21 y/o and I’d be extra upset if the guy let me develop deeper feelings for him first just to break the news to me afterwards or me find out somehow on my own. Don’t put her in that situation.
Yeah I’m sure you are aware by now from the other comments that the best thing to do is be honest about your age. Whilst it might not seem like a big deal if the person you’re seeing has an age limit then it’s unfair to lead her on in thinking you’re older.
It’s best to nip it in the bud now and a personal lesson learned not to lie. It’s not a good way to start a relationship
Oh, no.
Come clean. Her attraction to you is based on her thinking that you are 23, not 21.
She was clearly very uncomfortable with the idea so I think it would be sh*tty of you to keep lying to her like that when you know it’s a hard limit for her.
I’ll come straight to the point: please come clean.
You are acting to young for her by lying to her! The lies you have told show your maturity level far more than your age.
If a woman considers herself mature then honesty is probably right at the top of her list as far as requirements within a relationship.
You may have doomed the relationship but you have to come clean to find out.
I say this having a wife that is 6 years older than me.
she clearly has told you a boundary she would like respected. you need to tell her the truth
Yeah I’m gonna be frank, if I ask you your age and you lie, I’m gonna assume most everything you’ve told me after that was also a lie so you’ve dug a rather large hole for yourself here. You need to come clean, she’s probably going to break it off with you because of the lying, lack of honesty right out of the gate is a no no. You might have had a chance had you just had a conversation and asked that she give you a chance regardless of your age but I’d be massively surprised if she gave you the time of day after this. This is a lesson, learn from it.