Hello all so me (32 years old male) and wife (32 years old female) have been dating 10 years, we moved in together in the beginning of this year 2022 and we been cohabiting for about 7 months before getting married August 2022, for the most part things are going good pretty good but we do have some compatibility issues like money, religion and etc.
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Before getting married, at first we had a serious talk about finances, religion and things like that and basically with finance the thing is that she is financially unstable and I see myself being pretty secure financially stable, I had my doubts prior to getting married but I ended up marrying her out of love. 3 months in the marriage I see that she still struggles with money, her jobs are not stable and if she does work when it comes to budgeting money there is always an issue. I even showed her my ways of budgeting but there is always an issue with money especially with her family and it worries me a lot.
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For the months of August and September I had to pay almost the full rent of the apartment that we live in and it kind of felt like a burden for my wallet, I make a decent amount of money, $50,000 a year in the NYC area, its really getting to me now that she has a hard time sustaining a job, cant budget well and I feel this can affect our marriage, I been very patient and tolerant but theres so much 1 person can take honestly.
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About last week she then told me that she would get on unemployment until next year May 2023 and this really was the icing of the cake, she has potential to have a good career, she has a bachelors, some certificates and everything she been trying she just doesnt hold her end of the bargain sometimes. I feel like I am slowly falling out of love with her because of the situation and recently we both found out that she is 7 weeks pregnant.
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My main concern is I am excited to be a Dad but with her current financial situation and with a baby on its way I may have to carry the big burden even more, what can I do in this situation, I feel I am slowly falling out of love and If we happen to get a divorce should I do it the earlier the better, I dont want to hurt the kid that is on its way, I will always be a Father for the kid and Co-Parent with her If I have to but I feel like I am reaching my breaking point with her finance situation, what can I do in a situation like this?
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Also with religion we come from different backgrounds, she is Pentecostal Christian and I am Catholic Christian, it hasnt affected us being boyfriend and girlfriend but now that a kid is on its way this can definitely affect, how can I deal with this without causing any damage, any suggestions, If I divorce I will always be there for the kid and I am okay with that if thats what it takes to be happy the both of us, I feel like this compatibility issue can lead to the divorce and I feel drained by now
3 comments
She needs to find consistent work. 50K in NYC IS NOT GOOD MONEY. That will be tough to get by on just your income.
you need to tell her the truth that she is causing you to fall out of love and that this baby is going to cause extra strain and that you feel that it might be best to move closer to family that can help support you both with a new baby… make sure you use “I feel ….” statements
Is she going through depression or something that is causing her to have job issues?
You can’t walk egg shells, there is a kid on the way and you two need to really get on the same team and figure this out or yes you will divorce and you will fuck up a kid’s life
Is there any way you can move out of NYC but keep your job? 50k is a lot in small town America