I (21m) feel like I’m at a loss. To make a long story short, me and my ex (19f) broke up due to me needing some head-space bc of a death in the family and I’m not really taking it well.
I feel like I’m at a loss bc while her and I would like to get back together in the future, my whole family doesn’t really like her and has more or less told me she wouldn’t really be welcomed in the house. They don’t like her bc she’s immature when it comes to relationships as I’m her first boyfriend. They feel she caused a lot of unnecessary drama in my life that was affecting me poorly, but she was just insecure bc I haven’t been able to give her 100% like she needs. I’ve been super depressed since the death and little things can seem a whole lot bigger than they are when you’re in the midst of depression/grieving. Both of us are seeking individual counseling tho we have just started.
Before it gets said, I know what my family’s opinions of my s/o shouldn’t matter to me but I am really close to my parents and brother and I value their opinions of the people I date…
I feel like I’m at a loss bc while I would love to be back with my ex again in the future, I don’t want to subject her to scrutiny from my family. Is there a chance that if they see how she’s changed in time things could potentially work out between us?
2 comments
As nice as it feels to be vulnerable to family, its not recommended to divulge relationship problems with family members, its why they end up hating boyfriends and girlfriends. In a moment of emotion you may vent to them and point out bad things you notice about your lover, and they rarely notice the good things because they have limited interaction with that person. When it comes to venting, resist the urge as much as possible. Journal, find an unbiased friend, go to therapy, but dont vent to family about your partner. It just never ends well. If there was abuse involved thats one thing, but this is EXACTLY how resentment builds between family and partners.
Ive come across many persons who have this same scenario occur and then they wonder why family hates their lovers. My Mother hated my brother’s wife for this reason, hed go running to mommy after every argument not knowing her baby boy was punching and kicking holes in the wall. And she would treat his wife like trash over an accumulation of basic communication problems. Every issue seemed her fault and they never got an opportunity to hear both sides.
If you EVER want your family to remain open and friendly toward your lover, dont tell them about any issues unless its life or death or you already broke up
I would completely disagree and say you absolutely should listen to your family. They typically do and will always have your best interests at heart where as sometimes, many times a woman won’t.
They may see things that you do not because you’re blinded by love. Not saying that is the case but it is very possible.
If my son had a GF that treated him like shit I would absolutely forbid her from my house as well and try to get him away from that situation.