Hey all,
I met a guy three weeks ago for a first date. It was only an hour long date because we both had other appointments but the date itself was not so terrible. Later he texted me and gave me his number (we met through OLD). Then I texted him the next day and we chatted a bit the whole day. Then the conversation stopped right there. Didn’t hear from him, I didn’t go back to him as well for three whole weeks. I thought he wasn’t interested so deleted his number and all.
Then yesterday he messaged me. And I replied as well. Now he is asking me if I want to go with him to an exhibition.
Would you give this a chance and meet up? Or you pass? Personally, I don’t mind meeting once again but I also don’t want to become the back up person that he could come back once all his other options failed..
Thank you for reading and looking forward to your opinions:)
Edit: The messaging next day started with me texting with my number and ended with me suggesting some movies/series and him saying he will check that out. Then the conversation ended that day. And there was nothing for three weeks.
21 comments
Definitely not. He’s desperate! Have more self worth and move on.
Ghosting is kind of inaccurate for what you’re describing. If you both just stopped talking to each other, I see nothing wrong with reconnecting. That’s just a normal falling off of two people who only met for an hour. It would be different if you kept messaging him and he just stopped.
He didn’t ghost you, unless you’re suggesting that you also ghosted him.
Personally I would feel like he’s taking me out from the backburner so I wouldn’t
But sounds like you want to so yolo
No communication for three weeks? Did he mention where he’s been for that time? Or at least acknowledged the delay?
My gut says no thanks, you deserve someone who doesn’t wait that long to text you.
I would not. Sounds like the last convo left the ball in his court and he dropped it.
sounds like you both mutually ghosted each other so?
That sounds more like a mutual fade than a ghost. It doesn’t mean you have to be interested in going out with him again after three weeks of silence though.
Don’t do it.
Meh. Three weeks pass without a peep and then he pops up wanting to meet? Nah, his other options fizzled out. Meet with him if you want but I personally would no longer be interested.
I don’t like how he didn’t text you but to be fair you didn’t text him after your suggestions. I don’t think your not texting is on the same level as his not texting since you did make the suggestions, but after a couple of days if I were in your spot I would’ve asked him his thoughts on the next date directly
but the fact that he didn’t text at all, even without you asking, is kind of annoying and I probably wouldn’t be interested in a girl who didn’t text me for 3 weeks
this sounds like mutual disinterest between the two of you so it doesn’t seem very exciting of a prospect
It sounds like he sent the last message when your previous text exchange ended. Even though you suggested something and he was ambiguous about checking it out, that still left the ball in your court to, at least once, try and continue the conversation.
It’s not ghosting unless you sent the final message, particularly if it’s a message that demands a response (like a question,) and they completely ignore it. People get busy, texts get forgotten. Both sides need to put some work in.
So, in this case, is it ok to go on a date? Sure. If you feel bad about it, mention that you thought he’d get back to you about those movies. You can learn more based on his response. If your feelings are too badly hurt by this whole thing, then move on.
Yeah, IA with others this is a mutual fade as opposed to a ghost. That being said, I would pass. You’re a plan b and unless you’re ok with that, I would cut him loose.
“the date itself was not so terrible”…why are you even spending time thinking about this then? Also, he didn’t ‘ghost’ you…the conversation just dropped off and you were equally responsible for not reinitiating.
If you met through OLD, he’s probably going on dates with multiple people. That’s pretty normal.
I wouldn’t be offended to pick things back up again if I liked him. After only one hour, you are still basically strangers, so it’s not that weird to be a bit ambivalent about each other. Caveat: I’m not the person who chases a huge “spark” on a first date and prefer to take time to know someone.
I wouldn’t stop going on dates with other people at this point though.
I had a similar situation. The guy who cropped back up happened to message as I was returning from a disastrous date. He claimed he’d been sick and his mom was out from whereever visiting so he had no time to text me.
I gave him a chance. We dated for 2 months, but I always felt like I was putting more effort in than he was (like he claimed to be an amazing cook, but never cooked for me once). When he went on vacation and couldn’t make time to see me in the week beforehand I felt uneasy. After he was back for a few days before a business trip and was only willing to squeeze me in for a workday lunch (he had plans with friends) I ended it.
For me it was a lesson in not being someone’s afterthought or Plan B. Disappearing for 3 weeks and deciding to come back is telling of how they will treat you in the future.
If a guy doesn’t reach out to you for 3 weeks I’d say he’s not very interested in you. If you’re okay with that then go see what the second date is like.
I personally wouldn’t
You weren’t ghosted, so this whole post seems kind of pointless.
You weren’t ghosted.
we are all busy ppl.
if someone really wanted to see someone, one would have a day and time suggested for confirmation… this is too “not interested” but keeping options open type of low expectation communication.
just pass on this
Give him a chance. He was probably busy.