EXCUSE MY ENGLISH BUT…i reposting this to get as many advice i could get possible.
Okayy so i met a guy (22) online weeks ago who i thought was interested in being in a relationship. I straightup told him im not looking for something romantic cus i feel emotionally unavailable since a terrible breakup, and i was not ready for a relationship. I know indeed that he’s a good guy with a great personality and i knew we were going to be friends. We were both virgins when we met and he told me he’s open to losing his v card with me since we trust each other. So on our third date we had sex and we have been hooking up very often. We consider ourselves friends with benefits but i felt like we were not simply just having sex. We were cuddling, having deep talks and we kiss and hug a lot, and i am starting to want more.
I tend to not overthink about it tho but a week ago after we had sex, we cuddled a little and i told him that i have a crush on him. He blushed soo hard and told me he’s “flattered” but he told me not to expect anything beyond our friendship as i might get disappointed if he doesn’t reciprocate. Then a week later that we decided to meet at my place and he told me about a girl he made out with. He’s also told me about how he plans to hookup with her this weekend, and he was thinking about maybe going into a relationship with her, but he’s not entirely sure if he’s ready for “love.” And i tried to seem cool but TBFH i felt jealous when he talked about it. I also tried to seem supportive tho, and i think i handled it pretty well. But really, im not happy with what’s happening. I want to be as supportive as i can get, but i know i have feelings for him that i just can’t ignore.
We met tonight and we hooked up in his car then watched a movie. When i look at him i keep smiling and i try to distract myself by checking my phone. Then a friend of mine facetimed me to ask how im doing and my fwb was acting weird during the call. He also compared how he’s more good looking and interesting compared to guys who was hitting on me. I hate making assumptions but i’d say he was jealous? Or maybe im just saying this to make myself feel better AHAHAHA. Anyways, before he left he told me about maybe he’s not ready to be a relationship with the girl he’s going out with this weekend, but i told him to try and see how it goes.
I want to be supportive and really, im trying very hard but i know i see him more than as a “crush” and sometimes when i think about it i feel a lot of tension that im struggling to deal with. I just think it’s normal to feel this way since i lost my virginity to him and i heard this sometimes leaves an emotional connection with the person.
Im thinking about telling him what i feel before he goes on a date with this girl this weekend but i don’t want to make him feel like im holding him back from a potential love interest. Or maybe i should wait until he decides to tell me how the date went and then if it goes bad maybe i can tell him how i feel? And if it goes the opposite maybe i’ll just have to deal with it. Im not sure which step to take; i just want my feelings to be acknowledged. And i don’t want to make decisions that i would later regret when he gets serious with someone else.
I honestly don’t want to repress the shit out of my feelings. Im super open to anything. Id appreciate everyones suggestion, comment, or any advice that would lead to something less painful and dumb.
TYANK U ALL SO MUCH
TL;DR: Im falling for my fwb whom ive also lost my virginity to and who’s going out on a date this weekend with someone he thinks could lead to something romantic and i want to tell him what i feel without making him feel like im holding him back in a way that i would feel less pain and regret on my side too.
1 comment
You should lay your cards on the table. Not wait for this date of his. This started out as a FWB situation, but now you want to change the status. That’s reasonable. He may want that as well, or he may not. Both options are reasonable too. But everything should be clearly communicated so that there’s no doubt as to where everyone stands.
You need to prepare yourself for the option where he does not want to change your relationship from FWB to an exclusive BF/GF type thing. If that happens, you need to decide if you want to keep things the way they are or end the FWB relationship.
The first option seems the most appealing, but it can be a trap where you keep wanting for more, while he is not willing to offer that.
So my recommendation would be to sit down with him and say something like “I know it’s not how we started out, but I would like to move to an exclusive relationship as BF/GF” and then see how things go from there. It’s tough to open up in that way, because it makes you vulnerable to rejection. But in the long term, I think it’s best to get clarity sooner rather than later.