(21f) Guy I liked ghosted me after I told him occasionally escort

9 comments

1. You should tell them up front. You should expect to get ghosted not just while you’re doing it but in the future when you are done and tell people. You mentioned in your post history that you’d be good with sex on a daily basis, seem like a high libido person.

   I’d suggest looking for men in the kink community. Guys with a libido similarly high are more likely to understand or not care about such things, especially if they’re in the past. You shouldn’t expect anyone to want to date you while you’re actively escorting. Maybe you luck out, but probably not. Most people are either a) Not going to be cool with sex work going on while you talk to them or b) not want to date someone who is a genuine STD risk because they’re escorting and introducing essentially random partners into the mix. In your situation it would honestly be pretty reasonable to not want to date you until you’d been out of escorting for six months and had time to get an absolutely sure you don’t have HIV test result.

   But yes, escorting has a huge stigma, moreso than porn ever will, because its personal and intimate and involves various risks taken for money that lots of people do not relate to and would never themselves take. You think about sex differently than alot of people, and finding someone who thinks about sex the way you do is not only important for compatibility reasons in general but now important so you have someone who empathizes with your personal sexual point of view.

2. Up front no one likes hidden stuff – be prepared to be the best gf you’ve ever had to be and incredibly supportive and reassuring and probably make sure he’s allowed to see anyone he wants or pleases. Not an easy sell to any guys – territoriality might be the death of your romance

3. You’re doing the right thing by being honest. Sadly the right thing is often hard.

   If you don’t mind satisfying the curiosity of an internet stranger, how do you see dating working while you’re escorting?

   Would you require a guy you’re seeing to be exclusive to you? How do you deal with things like STDs?

   Unless you do everything with a condom (including oral), they are a real risk.. even doing everything with a condom isn’t 100 for the stuff that will transfer skin-to-skin.

   None of this is any of my business, just curious lol

4. So I once dated someone that was previously an escort.

   She told me the first time we went out. I asked if she was tested and negativ Indidn’t have an issue, but then body count is not something that has ever mattered to me.

   So you might find someone with an open mind but it will be hard to have a real relationship while escorting and possibly having sex with others. It’s definitely different than of you were just FWB.

   Also you have to think about that most people and society (don’t know where you are) in most places are monogamous so you have the expectation of monogamy for most guys.

   Your pool of guys is going to be smaller and you can’t internalize that some percentage of guys are not going to be down. It’s not you specifically and they would react negatively to what you do. Some women won’t date blue collar guys. Think of it as an occupational hazard.

   I hope that helps.

5. I think its good to share that early on. I’m sure there are guys that would be comfortable with that but imagine it would be more rare than common.

6. Yes, most men are not going to want to be with someone who is currently involved in sex work and many men are not going to want to be with someone even if the sex work is firmly in the past.

7. Can you be shocked? “I want us to be exclusive, except that I will still be sleeping with other men. But only for money, so don’t worry.” You gotta figure, for probably half of all guys, that’s a hard pass.

   He could have handled it more maturely than just ghosting you, but it wasn’t like there was a lot to say.

   You still did the right thing by telling him, though.

8. Please be honest in this situation and upfront about it. I dated someone for a year and a half on and off who turned out to be escorting for the last 6 months of our time together. It honestly really fucked me up as I cared about her deeply and it took quite a long time and a lot of therapy to get over. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sex work and am an openminded guy – also talking through it with her honestly shattered a lot of my preconceptions around it and I understand the fear of telling somebody close a secret that is so stigmatised – but the lies and double life element were incredibly difficult to deal with.

9. Being honest is the right approach…. But…. He’s entitled to opt out. Hurts, sure. But them are the breaks. Find someone who can accept you. You’ll be happier for it