So my(22f) bf(27m) flirts with other women, sexts them, shows me girls on ig and compliments them in front of me, when we hang out it’s just him ogling women all around us and commenting on them (especially on things I don’t have), he jerks off to porn and ig every single morning, texts women etc and THEN turns to me to fuck, and gets grumpy when he sees i’m not into it, when i say no he used to completely ignore it and do it anyway but lately he stops. He yells at me, cusses me out, even mentions my mom casually when he’s swearing ( the last time this happened was when I asked him if I could open the car window, he said “why do you always have to ask just open the window!!” and I said it’s just nice to ask and for some reason he got furious and started cussing me out and not the usual “fuck you” or anything like that it was the most gut wrenching insults he could come up with). He takes videos and pics during sex without me looking and sends them to women. When I told him to stop he said “No one knows who you are and your face isn’t showing”, he continued to do it. He also took a pic of a girl on the beach once. I caught him multiple times watching porn during the deed when we’re in a position I can’t see him. (Once there was a mirror behind him and I turned around and saw him looking at a girl on ig while we were doing it).He also has his eyes closed all the time. (well it’s obvious what that means i don’t need to explain). He wants me to do all our laundry, dishes, cook meals, be loyal and all over him etc. he complains when he doesn’t have clean underwear and when his wardrobe isn’t organized… (I don’t have a problem with being a woman that does everything around the house, but my motivation is below 0). I am never ever turned on. And I never initiate sex. I never cum. I never get to be turned on before sex and obviously can’t cum in those conditions. And obviously I won’t ask for something that won’t be enjoyable for me. I told him to stop making me insecure and everything would be fixed, that didn’t happen (it got worse). Sometimes I do end up enjoying it if I really focus on cumming and disconnect sex and feelings.
The last straw was this morning. He woke me up 2 times last night with his jerking, I kept quiet and tried to continue sleeping. At 7am (half an hour before we need to leave for work) he woke me up by touching me, and asked if I wanted to suck him off ( I really wanted to tell him to piss off, but I don’t want to hurt him so I tried to make myself get up and do it but i was so tired because I barely slept and I started to fall asleep again) he said “nothing,huh?” and started taking off my panties and shoving it in. It wouldn’t go in, he tried 2-3 times and it didn’t work so he told me (obviously irritated) to loosen up a little. I said I can’t control it. He cussed at me and said “you’re nothing” and went in another room (probably to jerk off). Also yesterday, I was feeling kinda sick, but I still had sex because I was horny for once, then in the middle of it I felt like I was going to throw up so i told him 2-3 times “hey.. I don’t feel well…no reaction. He stopped after I said it a little louder, but I was already panting, my face was really hot,heartrate trough the roof and I was going to throw up any second.. only then we stopped and he opened the window and looked really worried, kissed me etc. But I would appreciate it if we stopped the first time i said i was sick.
Am I really awful for not trying more when it comes to sex? I really love him. He is difficult but i’m really willing to fix it… This post shows all the bad parts, but he honestly can be the sweetest.
Edit: I started sexting men lately, it helped a bit with my self esteem and to stop feeling like a sexless failure, but I stopped after a couple of weeks because doing that just doesn’t feel right even if I know he feels no remorse or guilt doing it( I think he thinks it’s his “right” to do it, it’s “his business”)
39 comments
Wow – this guy sounds like a complete and total jerk. You should be dumping his ass, instead of wondering how to negotiate not having sex with his disgusting self.
Girl, you don’t need to explain your reasons for not wanting sex.
He is an asshole who has raped you by continuing to have sex when you say no. End of story. Doesn’t matter how nice he can be at times, that is your boyfriend …
And you don’t need any reason to not want to have sex…
So I haven’t read any of your post, just the heading, but I already have an answer for you.
Yes. Any reason for not wanting to have sex is valid.
This person sounds so utterly terrible. Please leave him.
He’s manipulating, gaslighting, negging and coercing you. It is an abusive relationship. You do not deserve this, you deserve dignity. Be strong, leave, don’t look back. I know it isn’t easy, but it sounds imperative.
You are a victim of abuse, your BF is a manipulative abuser, dare I say rapist, walk away you deserve better
Girl, if you also want absolutely nothing to do with this guy, even that would be valid in this case
He said “you’re nothing” because you didn’t drop your panties the moment his penis appeared in front of you? Im genuinely shocked that that wasn’t enough to have you walking out the door. This is not a healthy relationship and you really should consider your options for leaving.
This is not healthy or safe. Please seek support and consider leaving him.
This is straight up abuse. Leave him as soon as you can because if he’s like that now just imagine how bad he’ll be in the future.
Trust me, your libido in will be back after you break up and the sexting thing- don’t feel bad about what you’ve done, he does it too and without a flinch, so why would you care.
Your relationship is toxic at best and aboutsive at worst. You should contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/)
I only read 1/4 of this. Wow, dump this asshole!!!!
I couldn’t even finish reading your post because it just kept getting worse and worse. You are in a toxic, abusive relationahip and need to leave. This man does not love you, any sense of affection he may ever show you will only be to manipulate you and keep you trapped with him. You deserve so much more than this relationship, and there is no fixing him, he will only get worse. You need to leave him. Please call an abuse or women’s hotline to get advice in how to leave him safely, he sounds like he might hurt you if you try to break up with him in the normal way. If you have friends or family you can confide in for help, please let them know what is happening to you.
This post is so littered with so many great reasons to leave him or catch him on fire… I’m going with fire because he sounds like a top notch shit heel
Continuing to see a guy like this isn’t going to help your self esteem any. Cut it off completely. Work on feeling good about yourself.
It doesn’t matter what good things you can say. He is NOT the “sweetest, most reliable man ever”. A broken clock is right twice a day. He’s not a good guy. That’s obvious to everyone but you unfortunately 😕
Trust me when I say you’ll look back at this and be mad at yourself for putting up with this guy. You might not have seen what good actually looks like.
This is a troll post right? I only made it halfway through. This guy is a piece of shit, disrespects you, is entitled, is generally an asshole, is nonconsensually filming you, etc. Why would you put up with this? No guy is worth that.
Not having sex?! The better question is “how do I get out of this extremely toxic relationship that’s detrimental to my mental and physical health?”!
END this relationship and RUN. **Get out of there!**
This man is raping you. And you need to leave! You can’t fix an abusive man. DUMP HIM ALREADY!
LEAVE NOW for your welfare and safety. No one like him is worth risking your safety and your righ to be happy.
Honestly if you don’t want sex you dont. want. sex. Simple as that. There shouldn’t be reasons. If you don’t want to bone then you don’t. And if someone tries to make you then they’re an asshole. I didn’t even read the post cuz why would I? You don’t need a reason to not want sex
He is continuously raping and cheating on you. This is an abusive relationship. The “good parts” don’t matter – you do NOT deserve to be treated this way, and I implore you to please ger out of this relationship. It can only get worse, and I don’t want you getting hurt even more. There are plenty of men out there who will be loyal to you, loving, kind, and sexually interested enough in you to focus on your pleasure.
Your reason, any reason even ‘i don’t want to’ is completely valid, but honestly you don’t have to give him a reason. ‘No’ is acceptable in any situation. This is highly concerning, please talk to someone close to you/seek help
Wow. This guy is commiting crimes. Porn videos with no consent, having sex even when you say no.
Leave ASAP and file a Police report. This goes beyond abusive or toxic.
I can’t believe that I read posts like this literally every day on Reddit and people don’t realize that this shit is toxic and abusive, and they just stay and get treated like this.
Leave him. Now. He’s not going to be better one day.
You are dating probably the worst kind of guy imaginable. GET. OUT. There are dudes out there who will respect you as a person, respect your boundaries and genuinely love you. This man ain’t it.
I couldn’t even make it through all of this, you deserve SO SO SO SO SOOOOO much better. I think you already know that, it’s evident by this post…stop making excuses for him. Good riddance!!!!
This is textbook abusive and you need to leave. This sounds like it’s already really bad (you’ve mentioned several crimes here) and it WILL get worse. He will get physical. You have so much life ahead of you and there are so many men out there who are better than this. He does not care about you if he does not respect your consent.
Please be safe when you do so. Take your things somewhere safe when he is not around and then tell him via phone or text. Do not tell him while you are alone together. Call a domestic abuse hotline for advise. He will get really really angry and then he will try to lovebomb you. Do not fall for it. Do not take him back. Read “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft. Once you’re out, find a therapist – this type of relationship can really fuck with your head long term.
Second, your last bit that even though you weren’t feeling well but were actually horny for once is alarm bells that you’re pregnant. Please take a pregnancy test ASAP, especially if you are in a state with abortion restrictions. A baby would tie you to this man for the rest of your life and make it much more difficult to leave. He will treat any kid the same way he treats you. If you are pregnant and need help, please PM me for some resources. If you’re not pregnant please get on a really reliable birth control if you aren’t already.
why th to women put up with this shit? Like get out geez!
By reading the first couple of lines, this is not a boyfriend hun, he is using you, period. And i think deep inside you do realize that but maybe you dont want to admit it to yourself…Also sorry! Been in a similar situation so i get it.
So wither you use him back or ditch his disgusting ass, with this behavior he will get more and more desperate with time, a single girl does not satisfy his kind of men.
Practically every sentence you wrote about him is utterly disgusting. I think the real question is how you manage to have sex with him at all, but I’m guessing I already know the answer to that. This person sounds like the type that will not make it easy to leave but please reach out to any support system you have to get this human filth out of your life.
Honey you have literally described him sexually abusing and raping you, as well as a whole other shit storm of mentally abusive crap. It does not matter how much you love him at this stage – it sounds like some kind of serious trauma bonding or something, and you need to GET OUT and get therapy, asap, if that is something you can do.
Press charges, immediately
I VERY RARELY comment this on people’s posts, because relationships can be complex, but this is not the case here. You need to leave this man immediately. **You are in an abusive relationship and you are in danger**. There is no grey area. It doesn’t matter how sweet and reliable he is, because he uses that power over you to coerce and manipulate you. If you don’t leave now, one day saying no won’t stop him from going all the way to get what he wants (even though it seems he has crossed that boundary already). This is violence, and he will only get more violent the more you reject him. You need to leave NOW.
There is so much abuse in this post. Sexual, emotional, manipulation, disrespect of you and how you’re feeling and what you’re saying. I’m not sure how you don’t see it. Run.
This relationship is extremely abusive and toxic. You need to run far away as fast as possible. Why would you stay with someone who treats you this poorly? After you’ve left him, therapy is in order.
This is like, 100 good reasons to not have sex with this man. Break up with him please please please. A relationship that is great except for the 5% of the time when he is being awful and abusive is not a relationship with the “sweetest” man ever. It doesn’t matter how much he cares about you.
This is so abusive. All of it.
– He constantly disrespects you and your relationship.
– He expects you to take care of all the house chores (despite you also working) and be sexually available to him at all times
– *he sent sexually explicit pictures of you **to other women(?!?)** without your consent*
– he verbally degrades you
– he treats you like a sexual object and gets violently angry when you don’t want sex
– he *raped* you. When you say no, that means no. He kept going multiple times when you said to stop.
Whatever nice or kind things about him mean NOTHING in the face of this abuse. You do not deserve this treatment. Do not accept that you should be treated this way.
My advice? Run far away. Find another boyfriend. There are plenty of great guys who won’t sexually and emotionally abuse you like your boyfriend is doing. I’m serious. These bad parts are not *fixable*. These are all relationship enders for me.
Why are you still with him? I don’t get it. He’s a manipulator and doesn’t care about you, just leave him. For your own good. Why would you wanna be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you and uses you just for sex? You deserve better.
He sounds reliably awful. No one that truly loves you back would be doing that shit