So I have a close friend (Jake) and we’ve been friends for last 8+ years & we text almost every day too, we sometimes flirt platonically wherein we pretend like we could make a perfect couple in future or jokes about how Jake would be really angry if I choose someone else over him some day & I joke back saying same applies to him etc, all basic regular mundane lines & stuff but both of us don’t really mean it, we both know that we do not expect any relationship in future.
For background, Jake knows that I don’t want any relationships in future and that I prefer staying single & he personally isn’t into dating serially or hooking up & rather believes in finding & settling with true love and was in another relationship for some time in 2019 who he was damn serious about.
Coming to the problem, the thing is that sometimes our jokes get stretched for long & then there’s some breaking point/ unprompted reminder (which is often from my side) like “oh I really feel guilty about not kissing my man (here Jake) Goodnight for real, as if all this were real haha” and as soon as this happens, he would like minimize the texts for next few days, would be very cold & distant & sometimes even rude. And he would stay like that for days until we warm up again (warming up again means start the jokes again) and I don’t understand why he always distances himself. This has happened thrice already and when I did ask him last two times if he’s okay & if we good, he said he was just dealing with stress etc. (which could not be the case) so why would he lie & what is his problem & why does he push me away like that? Could it be something in that particular joke in the given moment that ends up hurting him or what?
tl;dr : Friend & I have a lot of platonic flirting going around/ such jokes but whenever it’s remotely brought up or somewhat made clear (natutrally out of situations) that how those things are really in fact a joke, he just temporarily distances himself from me…
5 comments
You don’t need to keep posting this
It’s only platonic on one side.
He wants to date you, and you don’t want him, so he is emotionally hurt.
I’m going to ignore the “is it really platonic flirting???” stuff and deal with just the facts.
You have repeatedly experienced the joke making your friend shut down.
This is so easy to fix. Just stop joking about it.
You don’t *need* to know exactly why he’s feeling the way he’s feeling or even exactly what he is feeling.
When you do X, he starts distancing himself from you. Stop doing X.
The above submission has been **removed** because:
* It does not appear to contain a tl;dr or any sort of short summary. Please create anew post including a tl;dr. Refer to FAQ: [What is TL;DR? Why do I need it?](http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/wiki/index#wiki_what_is_tl.3Bdr.3F_why_do_i_need_it.3F) for some pointers. If you feel you are receiving this message in error, please [contact the moderators](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationships&subject=Submission+removed+for+no+TLDR&message=My+post+can+be+found+at:+https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ys65zg/can_someone_explain_me_24f_strange_behaviour_of/) and include your problem Please note if you feel your post is too short for a tl;dr we will likely consider it too short to get meaningful input.
You must make a new post with the amended information. Please ensure that the submission complies to **all the rules** listed in the sidebar, and in the [wiki](/r/relationships/wiki/index#wiki_about_.2Fr.2Frelationships) (relevant for mobile users). When you are done, please repost your submission.
—
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*