I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (22M) for almost two years. I know what an 0rgasm feels like, I’m plenty fine when I’m pleasuring myself but I’ve never felt that with my boyfriend and I don’t know what to do. I feel like a failure or broken or something, and I hate seeing him so upset when I tell him I didn’t finish again. Sex feels amazing with him but there’s never that big bang at the end. He can make me squirt easily but again, it doesn’t feel like an 0rgasm.
I’ve tried reading up about it, I’ve tried relaxing completely during sex, the internet says to fantasise but I don’t really want to because my boyfriend is the only person I think about in a sexual context. The internet also says to communicate with him about how to make it better but I REALLY don’t know how, it already feels amazing during the act but I literally can’t ever get to the end. Sometimes I get caught up in the thought that “I feel like I’m about to, chase that high” and then it makes me lose that feeling pretty quickly.
I haven’t told him this and I never will, he loves pleasuring me and it’ll break his heart if he knows it’s pretty much futile. Also I’m constantly comparing myself to his ex who he said he would always be able to make her finish, I’m worried he’ll want someone like that again. I really just feel like a burden and a broken mess, any help??
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TLDR: I’ve recently realised I’ve never actually 0rgasmed with my boyfriend and I need advice on how to actually make it happen. It feels amazing during, but I can never reach the end.
13 comments
Do you know what is different between when you masturbate and when you are with him? You need to find the missing aspects and incorporate them into your sex life. Personally, I would recommend discussing it with him, since you will need to work with him to change it. I would probably start by masturbating next to him and getting used to orgasming in his presence. Then masturbate with his assistance. Or masturbate after you two do other things together. Then start masturbating while doing other sexual activities with him. Then start showing him whatever works for you. But if you fantasize when you masturbate and not when you are with him, that may be the issue – since sex is a good part psychological.
Not clear whether he’s trying to make you come other than from PIV? (Penis in vagina penetration)
Lots of women can’t come from PIV. Is he going down on you?
>the internet says to fantasise but I don’t really want to because my boyfriend is the only person I think about in a sexual context.
Yess, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fantasize about *him*, doing the nasty with (random example) an alien female world conqueror.
Maybe you two just need to slow down, and do a slow buildup. Current total time is about what: 60 seconds? 5 minutes? Or?
Perhaps something like double your current time, along with some added novelties like a feather for stroking from the perimeter then inwards, starting with your arms & legs to build *anticipation*.
(and yes, I agree you need to masturbate for your own pleasure with him, so he gets a better sense of the cues and timing needed)
Spend like 75$ on all types of cheap toys from Amazon….1/3 of the price if buy from a shop…then you’ll figure it out🤙🤙🤙
60 plus percent of women can’t orgasm from piv. You are not broken, you’re the default.
Try clitoral stimulation at the same time, different angles, different speeds and depths, etc. like literally everything can change if you orgasm or not. Try different foreplay. Talking to him, him talking to you. Just everything man I don’t think you’re broken I had the same problem a while ago
Its not you, most women dont orgasm from PIV and his ex was probably faking if he says she orgasmed everytime.
Im old and ive never orgasmed from PIV; even oral takes a good 20 min. we incorporate the vibrator into sex and use it during penetration, works great.
id suggest masturbating together, and get a rechargeable vibrator off amazon – mine was 20$ and super worth it.
stop feeling bad/weird about it – its normal.
good luck 🌈
It took me a couple months with my boyfriend before I could get off during sex with him. A few things I had to get over before I could…
1. I needed him to know if I didn’t come I wasn’t disappointed.
2. I needed to know he wasn’t upset if he couldn’t get me to come.
3. I needed to know he wasn’t upset if it took me 30+ minutes to come.
Honestly after I knew he enjoyed the sex with he and didn’t get mad if I didn’t come even if he tried for 30 minutes I started coming in 5-10 minutes max every single time. We found the position that gets me off and he happens to love it too. He makes sure to get me off and then I let him use me to get off. You can do it! He’s the first boyfriend to ever get me off more than once lol
So he doesn’t know you’ve never had an orgasm with him? How is that possible? Have you been faking it for two years? What happens when you’re with him and then it’s over? He assumes selfishly that you’re satisfied?
Coming from a straight man who loves to please, I would always rather know if this was the case, even at the expense of some pride.
Half (if not more) of my enjoyment comes from making others feel good and knowing better how to do this is only a good thing. After all isn’t it better to talk and communicate now than to let it be and go on like this indefinitely?
From experience being in the right mindset definitely helps and I think overthinking it and chasing the rabbit rather than feeling the moment can sometimes be the cause of failure. You might feel much more comfortable after talking to him about it and exploring how to get there together so long as you’re both open, honest, accepting and willing to be patient with one another without putting pressure on getting it right first go. It might end up being a lot of trial and error but it could also be a really enjoyable experience for you both.
Is it actually possible to squirt without orgasming?
I have the exact same problem. I can’t even get off via oral. Try incorporating a vibrator – for me that’s the only way.
Don’t he afraid to be verbal during for-play and sex. Tell him where to go, where to stop and stay lol. Tell him what feels best. And don’t be afraid to touch yourself while you’re with him either. He may actually like it too. I could only orgasm from oral for a long time and then one night I had one during PIV and I was like WOAH, that happened lol. It didn’t happen often but every woman’s body is different. I have a friend, been married for years and hasn’t ever orgasmed with her husband and she fakes it. She just let it go on too long and now she’s afraid to say anything. Do different things, explore. Feel self conscious? Blindfold him. Make it a game. Let me tell you, most men will be willing and able to do anything you want in bed. Good luck!