First post on Reddit. I, (f 25) been married to my husband (m 32) for just over half a year & our baby is due in 3 weeks time.
We stopped having sex about 3 months ago, likely due to the fact that he’s worried about “hurting the baby”. Or might be for any other reasons that I don’t know..
I thought I saw him jerking off in the shower the other day but he said he wasn’t…
I guess he was just putting up a white lie so that he doesn’t hurt me (I’ve never been okay with him doing it himself. I know it sounds insane but I don’t know why either, maybe because there wasn’t much intimacy and sexual compatibility in the first place before we even got married)
Edit: I don’t masturbate, probably only done it twice in the past 25 years.
It’s really tough for me to come to terms with it or just forget about it, since it isn’t possible for to bring up this topic again with him when he has already “ended this conversation” by telling me twice that he didn’t & wouldn’t do it.
That “memory” lives rent free in my head and I’ve already cried many nights since that day. It’s honestly getting quite annoying.
So question guys…
Is it really true and possible that a man can just NOT wank at all for a few months????? I’m not convinced.. he has mentioned that he isn’t that active in both sex and just jerking off in general.
Ps, I know this is something that I need to get over by myself but I’m just hoping to hear from more guys POV to maybe just close this topic on my own.
Thank you all.
6 comments
Why shouldn’t it be able? It’s not like man need to cum every 24h to not die😋
There are a lot if thing he could be doing under the shower like giving it a good wash. Obviously he can get hard from it.
At the same time it could be possible that he did have a wank…but…better alone under the shower than with someone else.
I wouldn’t make a big fuss about it. Also remember that your hormones are in overdrive now. Take it like it is or was and enjoy the time he spends with you.
Sorry, it’s his, if he wants to touch it I can’t see you have any right to stop him. As for lying about it, we’ll, you make it very obvious you have unrealistic expectations over it, can’t blame him.
I appreciate that you’re aware of your hangup, and sound like a reasonable person, sorry that sounds harsh, but you have an issue to deal with, and as a couple you also sound to have intimacy issues to deal with, but him waking in the shower isn’t one of the issues.
I think you are setting an unrealistic expectation on your husband. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect anyone (man or woman) to not masturbate simply because you don’t like it. He may be lying to you because he doesn’t want to hurt you, or because he feels you will be critical of him, or simply because it’s a private matter to him.
Having said that, I think this might be a symptom of a wider problem of communication. You don’t seem to be on the same page sexually at the moment and this can only improve with open and non-judgemental communication. Perhaps he feels you will judge him. Perhaps he thinks he will upset you. You can only have the kind of conversation you want if you enter with an open mind. Talk about how you communicate with each other before you even talk about sex.
Thank you all 🙏🏼 Sorry I might not have been clear in my post.. I was not trying to set unrealistic expectations and I know that I shouldn’t. I am okay if I haven’t “seen it” or “know about it” as long as our rs is still healthy and he’s still keeping himself healthy too.
But my bigger issue here is that I can’t seem to overcome “myself seeing it and not being okay with it”
Am I even making sense anymore.. omg I’m the red flag here….
Frankly, crying for multiple nights because you *might* have seen your husband jerking off without any porn is ridiculous. I can understand more having an issue with porn as it can become unhealthy and a lot of porn is gross, but you have no right to be this upset over this. I know saying that doesn’t help your feelings, but this is super unhealthy for your relationship to be interrogating and embarrassing him over this and then crying yourself to sleep.
he was probably jerking off but why is that wrong? he’s not cheating, it’s just his hand and his dick. i understand being upset because he wanted to stop having sex. jerking off is so normal though. you can’t be mad at him for that. maybe think about why it bothers you? also your hormones are going crazy right now due to pregnancy so analyze if this is something you’re truly upset about or if you’re just a little bit wound up right now due to your body working hard to make a child (congrats btw!!!) another thing, sex during pregnancy doesn’t usually hurt the baby. maybe ask him why he believes this and have a conversation about how to improve your sex life rather than being upset at him for needing a sexual release. good luck!