7 months together. He (41M) says he is lonely and doesn’t have many friends. He knows I (35F) have infidelity issues but never makes the effort to include me, he said these girls are a bit flakey and they are not super close (even though he’s known them 5 years) but he needs to socialise. I got suspicious and jealous because he doesn’t make a big effort to see me during the week but he cycles a big distance to meet one of them. And once he lied about meeting her and said he just went to the gym. He also gets nervous when he talks about her, but that might be because of me. Also she lives alone and he never met her BF.
I invited myself to meet them both once. But she cancelled, he said she is probably shy or intimidated by me. I also found out that he leaves his bike at her place, so I guess he must walk her home. But we went to the same restaurant together and they allowed him to just take his foldable bike in. It feels like a lot of effort for this girl.
I feel like ending things because can’t get past my lack of trust. I was burned really badly a few times in the past. Any help would be hugely appreciated.
TL;DR My BF of 7 months hangs out alone with female friends and never invited me, I have trust issues and feel like breaking up.
5 comments
So then break up.
You are not obligated to stay in a relationship in which you are clearly miserable.
I don’t have trust issues, but I also do not put up with lying. Because it doesn’t make sense to trust an untrustworthy person. When you found out he lied, what did he say about his lying?
Sounds sketch to me. Life is too short, date someone worth your time and energy.
Okay I’m gonna be blunt. She’s got a BF but YOUR BF is going out of his way to see her, gets weird about talking about her, and then lies on occasion about seeing her. Also, he’s never met her BF? I’m gonna be honest and say, $100 says he’s got feelings for her but she’s with someone so he can’t act on them, so he is dating to try and “get over her.” I guarantee he’s actively avoiding seeing the BF. You’re only 7 months in which isn’t that much in the grand scheme of things, and this is a little early to be trying to justify his behavior. What happens if you sweep it under the rug and in two or three years you’re living together? Are you cool with being the second choice here?
At that point who knows, maybe she gets married, or she breaks up with her BF, or maybe even then your BF doesn’t have a shot with her. It’s possible that she won’t ever be a problem in real life, but she may be a problem in his head.
I suppose at this point it’s not really worth talking about, but before you get further down the line, or start making major changes to be with eachother, it will be something you’ll want to have a for real real conversation about and basically ask him, “Do you have feelings for this person.” and to explain where you’re coming from.
If he’s lying about seeing her, he’s either cheating or really wants to cheat. Either way, this 40 year old dude does not respect you, so why waste your time on him?