Me(28F) and my Fiancé(28M) have been together for almost 7 years and about to get married in February.
A couple of months ago, we hit a rough patch in our relationship. I don’t want to go into detail considering it’s very personal. Basically what happened was my fiancé told me about something he’s dealing with (not mental health) and in my opinion he should’ve told me way sooner and that was my only issue. We spent a week just conversing and sometimes arguing about the topic. We didn’t really reach a solution, we agreed to disagree.
It wasn’t a deal breaker type of thing it was just a “I wish you didn’t keep this from me for so long” type of thing.
I thought long and hard about moving forward with the relationship because of trust issues I have but ultimately decided to stay. I told my fiancé that’s it’s going to take a while for me to go back to normal with him and he understood.
It’s been two months now and I still can’t bring myself to act completely normal with him. I’d say I’m at a 85-90% of “normalcy”. I love him with all my heart but I think my ego and pride is in the way.
To be completely honest, I do want to go back to how things were before the argument but it’s been so long that I’m scared that this is my new normal even though i don’t want it to be.
Maybe I got used to the “new normal” but I hate it. I don’t know if what I’m saying makes sense but I do admit it’s crossed my mind that maybe I want to “punish” him for keeping it from me for so long. But the thing is im not acting this way maliciously or with the intent of “punishing” him.
How do I let go of what happened because I really want to?
TDLR: my fiancé and I got into an argument about something he kept from me and I feel like I’m over it but my ego is in the way of me forgiving him completely.
5 comments
It will become normal with time, also you being afraid of your new normal is reasonable but I think change is a part of life and you will not always stay in the honeymoon kinda phase things do get rough and you adapt to them, learn to let them go after sorting stuff out with your fiance also you should be talking about this to him not us cause you both are getting married and it should be serious figure out a solution together
Also if you think your pride is in the way, I would say spend more time with him go out more and just find more reasons for you to love him, the pride would go away normally
It really depends on what was withheld. Give us a hint or some more details to understand.
It’s very difficult to give any sort of advice with zero context, is it he kept a secret that he has bodies in an underground bunker? Or he had pizza without you one day? We need context! BUT if you chose to stay, you need to move past your issues and holding onto whatever it is. If you forgive him, you can’t then hold onto resentment
Whatever it is, if you can’t forgive and forget, then end the relationship.
Wow. Asking for advice. We cannot give it. We don’t know what he withheld. We cannot say if you overreacted or how you can deal with it.