Last night I got drunk with my bi best friend. I’m 100% straight and she knows that. I drank so much I blacked out kind of? I’m new to drinking as I had strict parents & I just moved for college a few months ago. I remember watching a movie at the beginning of the night but from then on it’s just tiny flicks of the night. I always get more drunk than her because she says she has to keep an eye on me as she lives with her parents. I’ve only gotten drunk a handful of times and every time has been with her and a few other friends. I’ve never blacked out before, but as I get drunk I become very sexually willing. But here is the kicker: I’m a Virgin (well was) and a voluntary one. kicker number 2: I’m a Christian (not a great one) and I believe in hell. The first flick I remember is us making out which we have peck kissed before while drunk but this was hardcore make out. My next flick is her pulling my head back and repeatedly saying “we can’t bc your straight and I’m gay” & “fuck I’m so horny” I don’t remember trying to kiss her or initiating anything I just know it happened. Next flick is her saying “do you like that?” This one is weird because I distinctly remember her saying it but I cAnt see anything. I think she was fingering me and went down on me but I really don’t know. I remember me moaning a lot and she shoved her fingers down my throat and told me to shut up. Next thing I know I wake up, I’m in a different shirt and I’m only in my underwear and my sewn in panty liner is ripped out. My wrists and neck are bruised all over. I can hear her down the hall throwing up. I laid there for 20 minutes trying to figure out if what I remembered rlly happened. I had class in an hour so I quickly grabbed all my crap and said a quick bye at the door and she said “girl I think we almost slept together” to which I lied and said I couldn’t remember anything and kind of laughed it off. I left and I have felt disgusting all day. I should note that I’ve known her since childhood and have never looked at her or any woman in general in a sexual way. I’m definitely not gay as the thoughts of the event make me feel nauseous. i feel disgusted and violated by her but she was drunk too so I don’t really know. I contemplated cutting all contact but we work at the same mega store so I’m bound to see her. I see why ppl hook up w strangers now bc omf. I feel horrid that I got drunk(sin) lost my virginity(sin) and to a woman(I’m straight and the bible says to hell for being gay, no I’m not homophobic I’m talking ab my own sexuality and spirituality) I don’t know what to do and I can’t get the memories out of my head. I honestly think I might be asexual after this. I also can’t talk to anyone about this out of pure disgust and embarrassment. Advice? and no I’m never getting drunk w her ever again.
5 comments
Well since you’re going to hell now anyway, you may as well relax and have some fun while you’re alive. Either that or the bible is a fairy tale, in which case you should *definitely* relax and have some fun while you’re alive, because this [*gestures broadly*] is all there is.
Sounds like you got raped.
As for the sins, that’s your believe so make up your own mind, I don’t think there is any use in condemning something as a sin. In a way you did not have sex so you’re not ‘guilty’ of that, and like you said you habe been drunk before so that’s nothing new either.
As for what to do now: find someone who you can talk sith about this, don’t crop it up. I advise a terapist or a friend who you can trust will listen without judgement.
First, as far as God goes, while you were wrong to put yourself in that situation by drinking so much, you can’t really be culpable for actions beyond the drinking. There has to be will to sin, you can’t accidentally sin. Don’t make the same bad choices again. If you have someone in your community who can be understanding you might want to talk through the feelings more. There is a difference between people who will say there is no sin, people who have no compassion when it comes to sin, and those who can love the sinner hate the sin.
Second, how much did you drink? Blacking out is really not good for your health.
Third, where were you guys drinking? At your friend’s house? Why does her living with her parents affect how much she drinks because she has to keep an eye on you? And it doesn’t really seem like she was keeping a very good eye on you. And were there other people who might be able to fill in details?
You might ask her if she knows how much you each drank so you can get a gauge of how impaired she was. If you don’t connect it to the sexual contact you might get a more honest answer than her trying to get out of the blame by saying she’s more drunk than she was.
And even without concerns about her taking advantage of you in a vulnerable state, even if she was just as drunk and you were initiating. there seem to be some flags in her behavior like shoving her fingers down your throat, telling you to shut up, the fact that your panties got torn up, and all the bruises. That seems awfully aggressive, even for drunk choices.
I am a Christian too and i can actually see how you feel. But here is the thing:
As Christians we believe in God the father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit and all these how a tremendous power – forgiveness
If you so believe, there people who have done worse things than that and God has forgiven them. You feel horrid and that in itself is what God looks at when issuing forgiveness.
Or look at it this way:
**I got drunk(sin)** – God the father forgave you
**lost my virginity(sin)** – God the Son forgave you
**to a woman(I’m straight and the bible says to hell for being gay** – the Holy spirit floats far above “homophobic” feelings, if only you care to listen.
Now that your soul should be at rest, lets proceed to the far much important business of practical sexual advice.
Be warned, even though I am a Christian don’t be fooled that when I talk about sex I will sugarcoat it with biblical angelic tone – far from it, here I will talk about cock, dick, pussy etc.
Where were we?
The only problem I see here is that you were too drunk and blacked out. No one not even atheists will encourage you to engage in sex and hookups when drunk let alone when blacked out. You could as well be drugged and be, sorry to use a strong word here, raped.
Once you remove the being drunk part then the rest is a piece of cake. Have you ever masturbated? If not, your woman friend seems to know how to “work” the female form and you could use her knowledge to understand your own pleasure zones. Trust me if you will ever have a boyfriend you will certainly need this knowledge at hand for you to get anything out of sex.
So you could as well look at your lesbo friend as some form of a mirror (of your female form) and thus some learning ground, just like masturbation.
I will admit it, masturbation is a controversial subject among Christians but I for one [look at it as a training your ground for sex](https://366moves.wordpress.com/2022/09/30/women-guide/). With good practice one can become good at sex. When good at sex most marriages are bound to stay strong. The bedrock of Christianity is happier strong marriages.
Thus masturbation, following this reasoning can be used to further the kingdom of God. Doubtless to say God will send you to hell for furthering his kingdom.
Cut down on the alcohol use if you know you bassicly become someone who you wouldnt agree with when sober. 🤷♂️