OK so this guy and i have been hooking up for a while now, and he rly wants to have sex. i do too, but i’m a virgin and rly scared bc every time i’ve tried it hurts a lot. it took me forever to try and stall until i broke down and told him i was a virgin. he said he understood and could take it slow, but kept asking and when we tried, it really hurt and i later found my antidepressants interfere with my natural lubrication. but when i told him we’d need to use lube, he was super weirded out by it and he basically banished me from his apartment even tho the night before he was bragging to his friends about “the hot girl in his room” , and he’s ghosted me even tho he literally wanted to date me. i’m so frustrated and upset and i feel like my body isn’t working like a normal woman’s. is this a huge turn off? it’s not like i didn’t want it, like trust me lol i did. it just hurt. like, i really want to have sex but how do i tell them about this?
4 comments
How old are you two? He sounds incredibly young and/or immature to be weirded out by needing lube — it means he really knows nothing about women’s bodies. I’m 29 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and we still need lube because people just get dry sometimes. That’s a fact and there is no shame in needing lube.
Don’t let people force or guilt you into having sex, even if you know you want it — you need to live by your own comfort levels and ease into things. When you do try again, you need to do it with someone who is understanding and respectful of you. It’s natural to hurt for your first time, but intimacy does not equal full sex only. Take your time and enjoy what feels good, and stop when it doesn’t. The right person will understand that.
we’re both 20 so it’s not like i’m a young virgin either i’m just super anxious. i appreciate hearing that i felt so bad the entire time i told him it hurt too bad, and he acted impatient and embarrassed and made me leave. i’m glad i’m not crazy for being upset by this but i just felt like it was my fault
The bigger turn off (for me) would be your discomfort and disappointment… AND realizing you weren’t comfortable enough (with me) to have that conversation….
Something to understand: the right man will want (and need to know) and he will appreciate that conversation and understanding.
AND: if you need lube, that’s ok (and kind of normal, believe it or not)….
Good luck, OP – hope that helps.
This is a him problem. You’re fine and lube is great stuff. We have to use it all the time to help out nature. Anyone who is weirded out by that has been watching too much porn.