Female here. I broke up months ago and I live in a shared room with two other girls. Usually I’m never home alone. We get along as roommates, but nothing more. And my roommates barely talk to each other. Usually, if one is working, there is always another roommate and it became a problem lately because I need to have some time for myself.
We share a bathroom with three other apartments down the hall and the lock broke months ago. I called landlord several times but no one comes to fix it. If you notice that the light is on, you can think that someone is inside, so no one cares. There have already been a few oopsies. I’m young and hormones take their toll sometimes, but to be caught masturbating is really embarrassing. I hate the fact that I’m never home alone and I can’t affford moving out on my own.
How should I tell my roommates that I need some time for myself at least sometimes? I feel very constrained and my sexual life is important to me but it’s a dead thing lately. We are not close with my roommates so we don’t talk about such things.
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Well, here’s the ugly truth… unfortunately, you have to share the space, so really, there will never be alone time unless you know their schedules very well… I suggest going to the bathroom or finding somewhere else to do it.. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but if you bring it up, it could result in then telling people stuff or them making stuff up about you, and you don’t want that..
Honestly, a shared room is awful…… there’s just no way around it… no way I could do it.
I’d rather live at home or rent a private room. That way at least I can lock my door & have my own space.
Are those not options, OP?
Maybe until the lock is fixed u guys should make an “occupied” sign for the washroom
Call the landlord again. Tell them you need a new lock immediately because you’re done with people walking in on you. If they don’t do it, you’re going to hire someone to install one and you’re going to deduct the expense from your rent. If that’s too confrontational, leave something in the bathroom people can use to brace the door. I see someone mentioned making a sign, that’s a more civilized but less foolproof solution.
I have to warn you that if I were one of your roommates that conversation would be a complete nonstarter. I’m not leaving my room so you can masturbate in it. That’s gross and you’d be gross for requesting it. We all have needs but the courteous thing to do is satisfy them without stepping on anyone else’s toes.
I know you’re not close enough with your roommate to bring up sex but i think you’re going to have to anyways. When you’re all together you need to bring up masturbation and how you never have alone time. They also have sexual needs and might be feeling the same way. Also they might not have a place to go if they all left to let you masturbate and you wouldn’t want to be rushed because they are coming back at a certain time. So I would suggest you talk to them about all of you being able masturbate in your own rooms while they are home. All your options here will have them knowing when you are masturbating. If you schedule a time to have your apartment all to yourself they will know your masturbating but you’ll be limited but the schedule time they are returning. So just masturbate while they are home and put something on your door to tell them you’re busy. Maybe your masturbate with toys well I would suggest you look into find quite version of your toys. What if you’re loud when you cum? Then I would suggest you go to a sex store and talk the workers to find things to make your masturbation more quite. For example you could use something in your mouth or wear a special Covid like mask to quite down your screams. You have to really think of how long to you see yourself staying in a place with roommates and can you go without masturbating for all that time, i don’t think so. Your all woman, sex and masturbation is a part of life and self care. Sure it’ll might feel awkward at first but over time you’ll be able to normalize it. After you talk to all of them and they eventually start doing the same it’ll become normal to hear each other’s unavoidable masturbation noises. You could also all decide that you when one of you is masturbating everyone else puts on headphones as a courtesy. When you bring this up to all of them you might just find out that they’ve been masturbating while you’ve been around without you noticing and so they will just tell you to just go ahead and masturbate.
Life is way short to not be masturbating to your full potential.
You’re not going to love this answer, I’ll go ahead and let you know that. When I was a freshman in college I shared a room with what ended up being one of my lifelong best friends. I’m not gonna sit here and sugarcoat it, I love to flick the bean. Like I could do it for over an hour (and usually do), no problem. I have a lot of pent up energy sometimes and masturbating is the only way I can get it out. I have to get off and I won’t stop until I’m satisfied. So like you, when I moved into a shared room that was a huge concern for me.
I am not a casual sex person and then ended up in a long distance relationship so sex on campus was not what I was doing. I didn’t have to ask for the room due to a guy coming over, but I needed to get off sometimes or else I’d get pissed off. I ended up just straight up telling my roommate “I really need the room to masturbate.” I just kinda made a joke of it like well, this is awkward but we live together so here’s the deal. That was before we were insanely close and she was like OH, no worries. She only walked in on me once, which to be fair is what instigated the conversation. She was super cool about it and was like hey, no problem just let me know.
We still laugh about it to this day. We started putting a sock on the door. 😂 I’m very bold and open about how I like to masturbate so it was funny on our floor because I’d walk out by myself to get the sock all sweaty and shit and luckily I’m a social one and was friends with literally everyone on the 8th floor so after a few questions and time passing, everyone knew if the sock was on the door and it WAS NOT my friend in there….ya girl was getting herself off lol. Didn’t bother me.
Buy a wedge door stopper for like $6-10 and test it out to make sure it works. Or even just make a sign that says “pooping” and they’ll leave you alone 😂
Perhaps you could get someone to fix the lock if your landlord isn’t cooperating?
You could sit in the shower with the shower curtain closed and run the water lol? Then they’ll hear the water running and if they still walk in at least you’ll be hidden behind the shower curtain lol
I would just tell them in private