I’ve always viewed my partners’ prior sexual history as none of my business. Of course information about initial likes/dislikes and some conversations to determine sexual compatibility happen but I never asked for a body count or a detailed list of sexual acts they’ve performed in the past. If they had offered up information, great but I never pried to get it and I would also be completely honest in anything they asked. I don’t ever recall getting asked anything detailed about past partners.
Edit: wife and I didn’t share a detailed history and had no expectations of that. I don’t know my wife’s body count and it wouldn’t matter if I did. Occasionally interesting tidbits come up and we handle it like mature adults.
What’s your policy on disclosure and when in the relationship do you expect that to happen?
18 comments
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I don’t ask, I don’t want to know and I don’t want to tell.
I have a don’t ask don’t tell unless you can handle the fast that we are both old enough to have had sexual pasts.
It’s honestly weird how unhealthy we are as a society about past relationships and sex…
I generally don’t ask other than to figure out what someone likes or is interested in trying, and ascertaining their STI status. I don’t mind hearing about it and I generally share my own sexual history pretty freely with partners, but I don’t pry. The truth is that I’ve been around the block a few times and I still from time to time hook up with or date women that haven’t had more than a couple partners, so I don’t really want to intimidate them (as has happened a few times when I’ve been overly candid). But if someone asks, I don’t beat around the bush about it or keep anything to myself, I just try to avoid oversharing.
No one’s fucking business.
We have the same policy as you and your wife.
We consider it a private matter. Neither of us is interested in each other’s sexual past. We focus on our own relationship and believe me, that is a lot to focus on. The past is the past.
Married for 4.5 years. We have never discussed it. I don’t see any good coming from that convo. We know we are sexually compatible and healthy. That’s all that matters
If it’s someone that I feel close and intimate with, im often curious to learn lots of things about them, including sexual experiences. Not in the, “what’s your body count” kind of way, just sharing experiences like we do anytime we talk about life experiences. But of course, anything they don’t want to share is totally their business and I won’t pry.
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
Honestly my partner and i dont really talk about our history. Kinda feels like we don’t really need to. I know he’s slept with maybe one or two other people who aren’t me and he knows about my sexual trauma and that’s completely ok. I will admit, we hadn’t talked about sti status at first, but he was tested both before and after we started hooking up, as was I. After we got our results back together, we talked and mentioned how we never had any sti’s or anything.
If they care and ask, tell them the truth. If they can’t handle it, then you two aren’t compatible. If you care, ask.
My policy is that if the other party can’t disclose it within 10 business days of relationship start date they will be placed on a suspension. Continued failure to disclose the information will result in termination of the relationship.
I get turned on hearing any partners’ history, doesn’t make me jealous, and I don’t assume entitlement to any past actions. I don’t care how many ppl she’s slept with (although i think it’s hot to know how many I’m being stacked up against).
BUT outside of likes/dislikes i don’t actually ask. I’m honest about my history, and will answer anything asked of me. And occasionally I’ll volunteer things, but I never pry from her.
I like full disclosure. It doesn’t have to immediate but before we get serious. I know it’s not for everyone but I don’t want a relationship where I don’t know my partner inside and outside past and present to the best of my ability. It’s just my preference though, the only I think we really owe our SO is the truth about what we have done and with who if it is relevant to a current or obvious future situation.
Aka, don’t let your SO find out your best friend used to be a FWB who you did all sort of things with that you won’t do now because they both got drunk and your friend wanted to embaress your SO.
IMHO it doesn’t matter.
I’m with them now.
I Don’t mind sharing if they want to know. My wife and I are pretty open our previous experiences whereas my ex didn’t want to know much about mine despite me being ok with her sharing. Everyone’s different but I don’t hide anything
I like to hear stories of my wife’s past experiences but would not “force” her to share. We are both adults and it really doesn’t matter. Luckily for me she has been willing to share 🙂