I have no friends, and I think people only use me

2 comments

1. There’s nothing wrong with people contacting you for practical reasons, consider why they’re contacting you and not someone else. Perhaps they consider you a reliable person and worth seeking you for help. What you are describing isn’t what I’d consider tankng advantage of people.

   And if you want to talk about other things, you need to take the initiative. Ask them about their interests, show interest in that, don’t be afraid to opening up about your own interests as well – even if people haven’t asked, it’s a given that if you’ve talked a lot with someone about their interests, you are allowed to share your own interests.

   But I think what you need to work on, is your skills at conversation and consider why you think conversations usually end up being uninteresting. Are you perhaps yourself, not interested in hearing what others have to say? If so, perhaps that’s completely fine and you need to learn how to lead the conversation in a direction that interests you.

2. >Hello. I recently tried to get my life back on track after being a shut-in for nearly my entire life. Things are going well so far, I lost weight, set better goals, and feel motivated.

   Congrats. That takes some serious initiative and commitment.

   >However, I feel like I don’t have any social life whatsoever.

   This can be easily solved*, depending on what type of social life you want though.

   >I am a first-year SHS student, **I try my hardest in my academics and usually end up in the honors.** I try to be friendly and easygoing, helping others the best I can.

   So you already have a significant edge over many of your peers. Props to you, as that’s something you take immense pride in.

   >The problem is that no one bothers to talk to me aside from school-related stuff. No one bothers to ask about my day, or how I am feeling. No one invites me to parties, games, groupchats, or whatever events happen. It’s always me that tries to open up a conversation, but it eventually leads up going nowhere interesting.

   Think about it like this: Why desire friendship or companionship with people who aren’t interested in being your friend. Unless you’re some kind of jerk or bully, I can’t see why anyone *wouldn’t* want to hang out with you, or be friends with you.

   It sounds more likely you’re in an environment where a substantial amount of people are overly superficial and maybe not that intelligent. Developing social skills and a real life social network is beneficial for adulthood, but you shouldn’t make it any kind of priority to get people to like you. If anything, they should be worrying about you liking them.

   IF you’re excelling in academics and you’re willing to help others, even from a pragmatic POV, they’re stupid not to try to make friends with you. You sound like you are going somewhere in life, and yet they’re choosing to miss out on an opportunity to make friends with someone like that?

   From a non-pragmatic, non-selfish POV, they’re just as unwise in not making efforts to start a friendship with you, as you sound like someone who’s compassionate and willing to help others. Why wouldn’t someone want a friend like that?

   It sounds like you’re not really missing out, they are.

   >Whenever someone does try to talk to me or message me, it’s always about them needing something from me. Whether it is about asking for help with homework, asking about the lesson, or what activities we have at school. I feel like I am just being used, a convenient person for them that they can easily go to when they need something.

   That’s not the best feeling, and you shouldn’t allow it to get to the point where you’re being taken advantage of. That said, if it’s not putting you in any disposition, it’s good to be seen as helpful or useful. As long as it’s not getting to the point where it’s compromising your respect, like doing other people’s homework, for example. But people asking you for academic help and giving it, isn’t in of itself a bad thing.

   Going back to help with homework, think of it as an opportunity to hone your communication skills. I don’t know what kind of career you’re planning on, but being able to explain complex things in an easier and more understandable way to people is an invaluable talent to have in the professional world.

   If they’re using you in some way, use them in a similar fashion.

   >I am also afraid to turn them down since I fear that they will distance themselves from me even more.

   What would the exact reasons be for wanting to turn them down? Some examples would be helpful to understand the circumstances involved.

   >I don’t even know anymore, it’s eating me up. My confidence, mood, and my motivation. I feel like one wrong step and everything that I’ve worked so hard to get back will just crumble apart, and I will be back to being a shut-in once again.

   You shouldn’t let others dictate your confidence, mood or motivation, especially if its people who themselves don’t hold any strong values, convictions, or ethics.

   If you have strong personal beliefs based on things such as morality, responsibility, duty and respect, you’ll find that these things that are currently eating you up will no longer burden you. It sounds like you’ve made significant strides, where other people would have just wallowed in their own self-pity and not bothered.

   If you don’t have strong beliefs on the things I mentioned (morality, responsibility, etc), I would maybe advise using your free time to look into them. Strong convictions and ideas about personal conduct aren’t common these days, but if you have them, you’re ahead of the curve.

   >Please… I need advice, help, or anything. I don’t wanna go back to how it was before.

   *You should seek out people or groups who share your own values, talents, and/or interests. If you find the vast majority of people in your school aren’t on the same page as you, then good, as maybe they would have dragged you down in some way. A substantial portion of people I went to school with who were extremely social and popular ended up not doing anything with their lives.

   What type of values and beliefs do you have? Whether it be religious, political, whatever.

   What are your interests? What do you like to do? What are you good at academically?

   Based on your answers, I could likely offer some solid suggestions on how to improve your social life.

   But so far you seem to be doing good in every other aspect of life, so again, props. You’re doing better than most people I knew in HS. I mean, getting into the honors program itself is a big deal.