**TL;DR**: I talked to him again, and he didn’t take it well. He also did something else behind my back that I explicitly asked him not to do
[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/yo0i5o/fianc%C3%A930\_keeps\_pressuring\_mef29\_to\_perform\_party/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yo0i5o/fianc%C3%A930_keeps_pressuring_mef29_to_perform_party/)
I talked to my fiancé again from some of the advice I received, and I really appreciate everyone who gave advice on what to say. Long story short, he didn’t take it well, and he did something else that really broke my trust. I talked to him shortly after my post and had a few notes from what I mentioned above. I told him about how he changed since my practice and that I felt like an object since too. From ignoring numerous no’s after giving him too many chances, I told him I was done with the relationship because it had been going on for months. But he said I was being unreasonable and that he “gave me space that I asked for. When I told him that I never asked for space, he asked what would happen if our kids never learned to step out of their comfort zone, but I told him that that was unrelated. The bottom line was that he ignored me numerous times over the past few months, but he said I wasn’t being fair. He also that he downloaded some photos from my old circus Facebook account (a separate one I used to have for silks only) and posted them for encouragement, and I had no clue until he told me
He said he wanted to show me for encouragement because I was “better than I thought”, and he took me to an Instagram I didn’t know he had. It wasn’t his main, and the account was mostly for memes. It also had a different name that wasn’t related to anything personal, but he said some of his friends followed it. He showed me some posts that came from downloaded images of my high school/college performances, and he never asked for my consent. He even wrote that I was lacking in confidence, and he showed me some comments that said positive things. But there were also one or two that were somewhat lewd from people I didn’t know, and the bottom line was he never asked for consent. He also scrolled away from the lewd ones quickly too. I planned to post my silks comeback on Facebook/Instagram after my first recital, but it hadn’t happened yet. He told people that I came back on his account, and he said he planned to show me the account/encouragement closer to the wedding. He also said I was being unfair because it was a “part of me that he found attractive”, so I should be willing to do more in bed. He wasn’t like this before I got back into silks (after years off) and coming to my practice, and he’s been a different person since. He even admitted to getting off to some of the photos, but that he’d rather do it with me. That really bothered me because some of the ones he posted were of me in high school on top of everything else
I’m currently working on moving in with a girlfriend temporarily, and she is going to help me move. My now ex-fiancé also made a post about how I was being “unreasonable” and “getting upset at him for supporting me on silks”. He also said I was projecting my insecurities onto him for trying to be supportive, but he didn’t include the sex pressure or wedding performance he was pushing for. I also asked him to take the photos down, but he said he wouldn’t. It really feels like an invasion of privacy. I also talked to my parents as some suggested, and they were happy to learn I got back into silks albeit sad at the same time. My dad is really upset at him and said he’s trying to look into the photos being removed, but I’m not sure if much can be done. Mom said that me getting back into silks likely triggered something that was always inside him since he knew I did silks in the past, and he became excited when I got back into it. It’s just been really stressful, and I’m taking a break from silks for now. I’ll try to go back someday, but I’m just really stressed and will probably take some time off from work too. A few aerialists/circus artists also gave advice in my first post which surprised me, and some said it unfortunately wasn’t uncommon to find people like my ex-fiancé who sexualize everything and can’t appreciate the art/skills
12 comments
I am really sorry that basically everything was about him watching too much pornography and not being able to let go of this personal sex fantasy and basically treating you like an object and not a person and refusing to admit it.
It sounds like you are doing a good job healing and finding your own path. I wish you luck and peace.
He took your artistic abilities and made them into a kink of his and tried to force that kink on you. THe fact that he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he did and has continued to do is alarming.
Good for you for having the value to remove yourself from his toxicity.
He needs help.
I found this article that goes over how to report photos on ig I think applies to your situation http://izzyandthefluff.com/index.php/ufaqs/how-do-i-report-stolen-content-on-instagram/
Good luck, sorry your ex turned out to be such a creep.
Im proud of you for leaving this creep. What a pushy creepy guy. Don’t let him ruin your art, do your art for you. There will always be a weirdo who makes a kink out of something artistic or innocent (i mean hell, look at My Little Pony ffs) but the people worth being around will support you in healthy ways. So happy you have a support system! You should definitely be able to get your photos taken down since it is literally you in the photo, happy your dad is helping with that.
Yeah, you need a Mental health vacation!!! Have fun or relax, take care of yourself love. Also?? I had a good friend who did aerial silks, such a beautiful art form, you’re cool af.
(Hug) take care love, youve done the right thing!
He sounds incredibly creepy, and he’s probably always had certain views and thoughts that you didn’t know about.
I’m really glad that you now see him as your ex too 🙂
Stay strong OP! You’ve made the correct decision.
Don’t marry someone that won’t listen to you, and he obviously didn’t!
Why isn’t so hard for some guys to understand the word no and the concept of consent? It isn’t complicated. If your SO says no it means no and don’t fucking push it especially if it’s a sexual request.
I wouldn’t do this with my partner and her special talents and skills or push her boundaries on things she’s not willing to do privately that she’s done to take care of her family. I love and respect her too much and a decent man and wouldn’t pull this shot with her with shit like this.
I’m sorry your ex is a shitty person and lacks basic human decency. I’m wishing you luck finding someone who will treat you the way you deserve.
Circus performer here, ex pole dance, current fire performer for ten years. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this, good riddance to him. Don’t let him talk you around or worm his way back in. He’s fetishized you and it’s not ok, circus is about power, skill and beauty and I’m so sorry he’s tainted that for you. Don’t let him dull your shine, sending you all the support.
Dude, he is acting like a fucking pushy creep.
Wow. I’m incredibly proud of you. It made me sad to read you stepped away from silks because of it. I understand why but you should think on that about more and maybe reconsider. I think it would be lovely for you to continue to do it in spite of him. But that’s just me, obviously listen to your gut. Wishing you all the best on this fresh path ahead of you. Just know itll be rocky for a bit while you refigure everything out but once you get truly settled, you’ll look back in hindsight and be so fucking proud of yourself and grateful you didn’t get stuck with that life.
((HUGS)) He was robbing the joy you found in in your skills. I hope you find the joy again soon!!
I am so sorry for everything that has happened but glad you found out now. Someone who refuses to listen and respect their partner is going to cause problems.