My girlfriend and I broke up today for the 5th time and I am pretty depressed about the thought of not having her in my life. She has been living with me since we started dating several months ago and we have since been building up more and more resentment towards each other.
My resentment for her resides in the things that she doesn’t do rather than what she does. For me, her actions of focusing on every action and decision I make under the scrutiny of a microscope, then overseeing all my future efforts with disdain and disrespect is where I get most of my resentment build up. I feel like I am the only one working on my issues now and she is just my boss and judge… I also have resentment built up from her not listening to me about small things like not cleaning her messes, not cursing when talking to me about my issues, and patronizing me every chance she gets. I honestly only feel like I am at a good place within my mental health when she is asleep because as soon as she wakes up she wants to nag me about her negative feelings towards me and tells me that I don’t want to listen to her or understand her.
Her resentment from what she tells me is built up due to me lying, manipulating situations, talking BS behind her back, being selfish, being fake, not showing compassion towards her, making her lose trust, not listening, not thinking about her, not being mindful to her situations, ect…
We moved in together really early and I know that it was a mistake now… She doesn’t want to leave and has told me I made her feel unsafe and unwelcome because I told her that she has two weeks to find a place to live. (She has no job and does nothing all day except play candy crush and watch grays anatomy – so I didn’t think it would be that difficult to find some time to find a spot.) She has been raining down hell on me for my issues and has made me promise that every day is going to be about her until I make up and build back the trust that I lost.
How toxic is this relationship, is it doomed, what can I do?
TLDR: My girlfriend and I have built up so much resentment and there is no end in site to the BS we have to put up with if we stay together. I broke it off many times already and can’t be with someone is only focusing on my mistakes and efforts to wrong those mistakes with no awareness to her own disrespect in our conversations and dealings.
5 comments
You’re not even a year in and you already resent each other and have broken up 5 times. This isn’t a sustainable relationship; both of you are too old for this crap. I don’t know where you expect her to go with no job. You’re going to have to formally evict her is what it sounds like. Go stay somewhere else until she’s gone.
It seems like you are too young to be in a relationship like this. I could understand trying to suffer through it if you had a kid, or were married for 40 years and just didn’t want to start fresh, but it seems you both need to muster up the strength to go your separate ways.
When you said: Her resentment from what she tells me is built up due to me lying, manipulating situations, talking BS behind her back, being selfish, being fake, not showing compassion towards her, making her lose trust, not listening, not thinking about her, not being mindful to her situations, ect… I think this is more than enough to say we need to break up and move on.
Good luck to you.
You’re a couple months in and you’ve already broken up multiple times… dude, what on earth are you doing? Kick her out to her parents place, and do a better job dating next time, making sure that the person is worthwhile before you invest in them. Yes, your relationship is toxic and not really a relationship, you’re two people that jumped into being together too quickly and you seem to hate each other.
>My girlfriend and I broke up today for the 5th time […]
>since we started dating several months ago
🤦♀️ Dude.
>I have never been in a relationship longer than 3 months. She has many long term relationships and has been kinda showing me the ropes on having a partner rather than a person that I can just walk all over. I am kinda a dick in life and selfish whereas she is very giving emotionally. It’s hard to imagine a life without her though and not want to fix the issues she has brought up. I have a real connection with her still and desperately want things to work yet the resentment is too much for her I feel. No matter what I do I can’t be enough for her it seems
You are treating her as if she’s your therapist. She cannot “fix” you. Only you can do that. If she’s telling you that she can “fix” you, that is a red flag. You can absolutely work on these things but you need the help of someone qualified. A professional therapist or counsellor would be a good start. This is **not** something a girlfriend can do for you.
>She doesn’t want to leave and has told me I made her feel unsafe and unwelcome because I told her that she has two weeks to find a place to live.
… Let me get this straight. She dumped you… and she thinks you owe it to her to be welcoming?…
>She has no job and does nothing all day
…Oh, and you owe it to her to keep letting her live in your house, eat, watch her shows, rent free.
This girl ain’t half the superstar she’s sold herself to you as. Kick her out and let her take care of herself. Get yourself some proper support, please OP. You’re worth working on and you can become a good boyfriend in time. Not with her though. She’s not good for you and she’s not going to become good for you.
>How toxic is this relationship, is it doomed, what can I do?
About as toxic as they become dude. You’ve already done what you were supposed to do, get her to move out.. But it sounds like you backtracked on this? WTF are you doing?