Together 4 years. Broke up because of his drinking, cheating, lying. He also said he wanted kids (I don’t.). I went no contact immediately, he spiraled bad for 2 years. He got into a relationship with the woman he cheated with, who is a single mom.
Fast foward 2 weeks ago, he randomly texts me. I ignore it.
Last night, he liked me on a dating app he had just signed up. All of his settings say “no drinking/no smoking/does not want kids”…..?!
He messages “how are you?”. I respond a day later with “good. You?” And he responds in paragraphs, wasting no time. Telling me he’s been sober from booze and cigs 11 months, his mental health is so much better and that he has regrets and guilt around what happened between us that he can’t let go. He asks me to meet for coffee. I have NO idea if he’s still with girlfriend. I heard he was. He said he’s been wanting to tell me for a while about his sobriety?
We’ve done all this before. We’ve broken up so many times and he’s lied about being sober before. The fact his profile seems very tailored to me and the issues we had is weird. It feels manipulative and suspect. I don’t know his motives for wanting to meet. Our break up was the hardest thing I’ve ever recovered from. Took me 2 years to finally be okay and not breakdown.
What do I do? Part of me wants to go out of curiosity and get some things off my chest, another part wants to just block him and not even open myself up to more damage. I do not think he wants to reconcile. I wouldn’t. But to say I don’t care about him and I’m not curious would be lying.
Tl;dr ex wants to meet to chat 2 years after an ugly break up and no contact because he says he’s sober and has things he wants to say about what happened between us. He may also still have a girlfriend though..
6 comments
I wouldn’t. You have no way of knowing that this time’s the charm.
Don’t do it! There really isn’t any need to reconnect with an ex IMO. Sure, they know you in a way few don’t, but if you aren’t looking to rekindle anything, than I’d reco passing on the invitation and focus on the future not the past.
You can care about him and still remove him from your life. I wouldn’t engage.
If he’s still able to contact you and you’re responding, that isn’t no contact.
No contact isn’t about being petty or hurting the other person, it’s not about leaving the door cracked open for ‘what if’ or ‘just in case’, it’s closing the door on any and all forms of communication with somebody who is not good or safe for your physical, emotional or mental well-being.
Part of AA is admitting your faults and apologize for your actions. It can be as simple as this if it is true this time but unlikely.
I would just say you have moved on and have no interest in digging up the past.
Nah don’t do it! You took two years working on yourself! He’s the past & that’s where he belongs.