Just not sure what to do about the situation. I’m a family of 5, 3 kids and my husband. I had gotten a little busy with kids and work, so I had a lot of clean laundry quite literally piled up. Today I decided I was going to get it all done for the week ahead.
I was folding clothes and I came across a pair of spandex like shorts that at first glance, looked like a pair I owned. Then, I looked at the tag, and the size and brand were NOT of anything I’ve ever owned. First thing, it’s not my size, not anything close. Second, I know my clothes and what I buy, and I do laundry often and I’ve NEVER seen these shorts. They would’ve ended up in a cycle eventually at least once. They also look worn, if I had bought them recently I would’ve known or at least worn them.
I turned to my husband and asked if they were his, (honestly probably denial because they are womens shorts and also not his size) and he said “no they are yours, I’ve seen them before in my basket” I then responded “no, they aren’t mine I don’t wear this size and I’ve never bought this brand” and he just said “well take that up with yourself, I haven’t had anyone here so maybe YOU had a girl over or something.” And that was the end of the conversation.
I’ll keep it short that I am straight, and any female friends I’ve had over have never changed clothes let alone shorts because it’s winter. We have our own washer and dryer, no visitors that have changed clothes or used our laundry and it doesn’t belong to our kids.
My husband cut the conversation and it seemed like he just tried to convince me they were mine and move on. Is there something I should do? I know these aren’t mine but I keep second guessing myself.
TLDR; found womens shorts in my laundry that aren’t mine, husband says they are and won’t talk about it to me.
42 comments
Could be they came out of the venting if the washer and dryer weren’t brand new when you put them in. Or could be one of the kids brought something home accidentally.
I sincerely doubt they are an indicator of an affair. People aren’t going to wear ratty worn out shorts to go on a date.
Besides the mystery, who the fuck walks out of a house without pants? That part doesn’t make sense. If “she” wore them into the house, then what did “she” wear out of the house?
Aside from your husband being alone at home lately, do you or have you had any other indication that he is not trustworthy?
Hidden nanny cam time. Someone’s been hanging out at the house and your husband is gaslighting you.
How old are your kids? You’re young at 23 but I had a 10 year old step child when I was 27 so anything is possible.
Any chance your kids brought them home?
Could it have fallen out of one of your friends’ bag when they were over? Any of your friends would wear it?
Still, I would definitely not ignore this either…
You know your husband better than any commenter. What I can say is that his response personally made me feel a bit off, especially given that he has cheated in the past. His response reminded me of when my ex partner was struggling with a porn addiction. If I would catch him, he would immediately get very defensive and combative and try to convince me that I was hallucinating (literally). Every single time, it just turned out that I was right and he was using. While I hope it’s not the case, it does genuinely sound like your husband may be trying to pull a fast one on you to cover up his own actions.
You know what’s going on here, don’t try to convince yourself otherwise. He’s been unfaithful before as you mentioned and they didn’t magically appear in the laundry. You shouldn’t give him a third chance.
Geez I just read on the Reddit adultery site someone was asking if it would be ok to leave something at AP house so that his SO would know that he was cheating.
His answer is telling. He immediately went on the defensive. Trust your gut, something is wrong.
Edit: just saw you mention he has been unfaithful before. You know what the answer is then. Get your affairs in order and go see a lawyer
I don’t know a whole lot about cheating but. I would think worn spandex is not on the menu. Besides what would she have worn out the door?
Granted there are a lot of questions. And, your spouse shutting the conversation down so quickly is suspect. Especially with a cheating history.
Yep your husband is a liar and cheater. Now what do you plan to do about it?
So 2 things jump out at me.
One I found a sweater in the wash the other day. A men’s medium. A sweater I would look like a Chris Farley skit wearing and honestly even my wife couldn’t fit into. It took my ages to realize that I think it may have a been a friend of my 8 year old daughter who wore it once. So a weird pair of shorts is suspect but by no means is it worthy of being a stand alone red flag.
The other things I wonder though is why this one single thing set you off. Then I read the comments. Often catching a cheater isn’t just one sign. It’s many combined. I definitely think given your past this isn’t something to get upset and treat him like shit over. It is however a solid reason to begin keeping alot closer eye on things and checking his phone etc.
i saw your comment where you said he’s been unfaithful before. i think you know what is happening here. his sus response to you asking is very weird.
time to have a conversation with him about next steps.
If in doubt get a spy cam setup.
Hold onto them, eventually another item will come up if there is something to find.
This happened years ago to me (before my partner) where the guy I was with had a bra hanging in the corner, he saw me see it and said “yeah, you left that here last time you were over” I just learned over and picked up the one I had brought with me. They were exactly the same except the size, the other was quite a bit smaller than mine. And that was the end of that.
It’s time to have a long conversation and get access to his social media and devices and maybe set up a nanny cam.
Contact a lawyer and start getting your ducks in row.
Wow he really blamed go for having another woman over. Projection lol
Known cheater immediately jumps to claiming he didn’t have a woman over and is gaslighting you? Girl, c’mon now.
Your husband is lying. You should get some stealth cameras because something is going on when you aren’t around.
Def Install the nanny cam since he’s been unfaithful before… but It very well could be innocent! If you have young boys at home… they could have been “taken” from another moms dirty laundry & your Boys brought them home.
So I’m going against the grain here. I was staying with a friend and her bf for a while. I had to wash clothes there, did my own laundry, helped with theirs, no issues. One day she came home and there was a red lace thong laying in the floor, not her size. She accused her bf of something going on with me as it would be my size but it 100% wasn’t mine, nor was anything going on. It turned into a full blown fight for them. It ended up belonging to their friend’s daughter who stayed over months prior. Clothes can be very mysterious. OP should be on the lookout, but there are so many possibilities of origin.
His response to you asking about them is the most telling imo. He IMMEDIATELY became overly defensive and accused you of cheating with a woman. That’s a super strange response for an innocent question about the shorts origin. His response has ‘projection’ written all over it.
I’ve honestly had this happen to me before where mystery clothes of either sex show up out of the blue. I can’t explain how but it does happen. Id give him the benefit of the doubt until more evidence appears.
I would think it nothing EXCEPT his response is so shady. Take it up with yourself? It’s your friend? Not sounding innocent at all
He cheated. You stayed with a cheater and guess what, he did it again. Probably thinks you’ll just stay like you did last time he did. Go get tested asap. Get on birth control if your not already. Now decide if you want to just continue in this relationship cause he will continue to cheat on you. You have options, one of them being divorce. I’ve seen other women stay married but keeping it platonic/roommates basically. Seen others open the marriage and live together for the kids. Once you decide how you want your life to go, discuss it with him. Just tell him that you know the clothes aren’t yours or your friends. That you know he is cheating. You decide your life not him. You set the tone for the conversation.
Women’s large… could a stray MIL be afoot?
Can we know how old your husband is?
Could your kids have borrowed them from a friend? Could they belong to a friend of one of your kids? Anyone work out a gym and possibly swap leggings by accident?
It seems unlikely that a person would leave leggings. What would they wear when they left your house? I’m assuming no overnights since even if you were gone for a day or two, the kids would still be there. Could they be from years ago and recently made it into the pile of laundry?
>I haven’t had anyone here so maybe YOU had a girl over or something.
What a strange argument to suddenly defer to out of nowhere. Huh, how odd indeed. I suspect this deserves some further investigation.
How old are these kids, 3 kids by 23 is a lot. He’s like age 33+ isn’t he.
He’s cheated before he’ll cheat again. Cheating is a lack of self respect. He doesn’t respect himself and he sure doesn’t respect you.
He’s definitely seeing someone else.
>I turned to my husband and asked if they were his, (honestly probably denial because they are womens shorts and also not his size) and he said “no they are yours, I’ve seen them before in my basket” I then responded “no, they aren’t mine I don’t wear this size and I’ve never bought this brand” and he just said “well take that up with yourself, I haven’t had anyone here so maybe YOU had a girl over or something.” And that was the end of the conversation.
This paragraph says it. I mean, you never even bought up the idea of cheating. He just went there unwarranted and then tried to end the conversation as quick as it starts.
Well how old are the kids? Could any of them possibly brought home these shorts from school? Schools often keep random clothing items to give to kids who spill or have an accident. Why do you want to jump straight to cheating? Are there other signs?
why people rush to get married and have kids so damn young is beyond me…
Omg this happened to me too! They were a size XL spanx and the ONLY thing in my dryer!! I asked him about it and his sister lives downstairs too but has separate washer n dryer and I swear to god he texted her or went downstairs’ immediately to talk to her because I texted her and she took so long to reply and then said they were her aunts and she must have put them in the wrong dryer…..why just one pair of spanx? Why my dryer? The aunts very close to the sister and lived here ten years so I’m assuming she’d know the sisters dryer and not mine that came with us when we moved in two years ago…..also she never asked for them back…I still to this day don’t have a fucking clue
Him instantly accusing you like that would put me on edge. Dude seems really defensive and deflective about them. Have any of your kids had sleepovers recently who may be about that size?
Otherwise, I suggest you invest in a few hidden nanny cams and see what’s going on inside your home when you’re not around.
Edit: after seeing your comments, girl….. Do you really need us to confirm what you already know? I’d be checking his laptop one day while he’s gone, esp if he syncs his devices. My boyfriend doesn’t know it but I can watch his texts and FB messages in real time when he’s gone if I really wanted to. I don’t, but discovered the issue when using his laptop one day to write while he was gone.
He instantly shifted the blame onto you. He is projecting and he’s cheated before. Move on you can’t change him.
How do you have 3 kids at the age of 23?
The fact that he accused you of having a female guest over for the horizontal tango tells me all i need to know: its time to hire a PI to nail his cheatin ass to the wall
>I haven’t had anyone here so maybe YOU had a girl over
Always fun when a liar answers a question that nobody asked.
I’d push the red button over this one given his history.
I had this happen.
Mystery cute girl underwear showed up in the laundry. None of us could figure out where they came from for weeks.
Turns out they belonged to one of the girl’s friend’s who’d come over for a swim and bouncy house day.