I’ve been with my (36f) boyfriend (42m) for about a year and a half. He was married in his 20’s and treated pretty poorly. Once that finally ended he stayed single for the last 10 years. Our relationship is great and wet are currently house shopping. I absolutely love this man with everything in me. How do I help him see what I see? The amazing hard working man that he is? And how can I encourage him in bed? How touch is magical to me but he has such performance anxiety and I’m not sure why. I try to build him up and encourage him but what tips do y’all have for me? Thanks!!
15 comments
Sounds like he needs counseling/therapy. Have him start going to the gym or lifting weights at home. Tell him how much you appreciate him daily. Show him what you like in the bedroom so that he can get good at it, then tell him how great he is.
This is who he is and something only he can deal with or overcome himself. You cant force, help, encourage change in anyone (especially after a traumatic time in his life, the marriage). It is a form of trauma whether we like to admit it or not. But trauma needs to be dealt with in the manner, timing of his choosing if he feels its an issue to himself.
He probably doesn’t need more excitement, maybe encouragement and acceptance and helping him take his foot off the brakes a little
Just wanted to say this is really wholesome
I’m confident in bed but still get performance anxiety. Mainly due to my adhd and general anxiety. If anything is wrong in my day to day life it can throw me off. Even if everything is right the adhd will have me focusing on a tax return or if im overdue for an oil change.
He should see a counsellor, ti alleviate stress and worries. I do and irs wonderful
Probably not the answer you’re looking for but probably the answer you need..
Has ever tried quitting porn? Porn is extremely over stimulating and can cause problems in the bedroom. I suffered from a pretty bad porn addiction and didn’t even realize it.
Since quitting porn/masturbation my sex life has been simply incredible! I’ll never go back. Life is so much better without it.
He’s 42, there’s nothing you can do to help him, he has to figure how to be confident himself.
Teach him what you like.
Unofficially, suck him off every morning before he goes to work
“Our relationship is great and wet” I see no problems here. Has he read this?
Specific and genuine compliments.
Without going into long details I would simply say this
Depending on your relationship he might need counseling especially if there is any last over effects from last relationship that still bother him emotionally or mentally
Words, actions, support will help but not a full guarantee though
Bedroom wise, try having sessions where the goal is not to cum, but to explore your bodies and what feels good; by checking in with each other, you can each learn what you like and what your partner likes while removing the anxiety of needing to cum or being expected to… if you do anyway, great! If not, then it’s not a “failure” (not that success in sex is based strictly off of orgasms) because you still would have “succeeded” in learning each other.
Outside the bedroom, little things like a whistle when he looks good in a shirt, butt slaps, “oh nothing, just thinking of how [compliment] you are”, etc
Well, why does he have performance anxiety? Is he working on that?
compliment him.