I met someone that I like a whole lot…. Been dating for 4 months. And I want to get serious with them! But someone told me that I will regret it. This “someone” who told me this had a failed marriage!
But I ask this question because I feel like the time you’ve known someone is irrelevant when it comes to bondage and “feelings”. You can be married to someone for 10 years just to one day realize you don’t know them. Even after all the time spent it still didn’t work… they still betrayed you, or even if it wasn’t betrayal, feelings may have changed and you grow apart… which means that all the TIME you took to get to know them before actually getting serious, and then the time you spent in a relationship before getting married, and then the time you spent actually married (Assuming things get/got this far) didn’t matter… that was just time wasted. You gave it time, and it still failed.
I think that if I’m dating someone for 4 months, I know if I’m going to start a relationship with them or not… within that 4 months… I know A LOT about this person, from what they tell me…. And also from my own common sense. I am also aware of red flags… I see certain behavior that is considered a flaw but I don’t see it as a problem.. I bout know their character and what they would and wouldn’t do! Of course I don’t know everything about them, I can’t be so sure about who they are, I know there are some things that I have yet to discover… but time won’t measure those discoveries!
I’ll get to know more as we go on.. this is someone i want to be with and I feel the same way!
8 comments
Casually dating someone for 4 months seems like a reasonable amount of time to be exclusive with them.
It’s not like you’re getting married to them right now.
You get to know Someone better by being in a relationship with them. And it’s not like you’re jumping into a relationship after meeting them once.
I don’t know your definition of relationship and dating and also not your age but honestly, if you like someone just do as you want, worst thing that can happen is you breaking up instead of „stopping to date“. If you’re sure you wanna be with that person you should use every day you have.
I knew both of my wives for over a year before marriage. With my first wife we were kids. It didn’t last but 8 years, and we were separated for 3 of those.
With my late wife, she passed due to covid, we had 18 years.
If I’m really clicking with someone I don’t think I’d need nearly 4 months to know I want to start a relationship with them. Bondage on the other hand is a different story. This needs a lot of trust built up, conversation about what we each are and aren’t comfortable with, and establishment of safe words.
I think 4 months of casual dating is enough to make it exclusive if that’s what you want. Are they also into bondage and have you both discussed it?
I think it just depends on the people honestly.
My husband and myself met in 2012 online/long distance and started dating online pretty early on into us becoming friends before life stuff happend and we fell apart with a personal situation i rather not get into. In 2016 he drove 831miles just to ask me to be his girlfriend again same day that we met in person for the first time. I couldnt imagine my life without him now- we’ve been married since 2019. So, i feel like it could work for some people, you learn about someone as you go along. We moved in together relatively early as well (we met/started long distance dating with him visiting in August 2016, and we moved in together that same year December 26ish) which i also rather enjoyed (even though my religious family was against me shacking up) because i was able to get to know his habits/everything about him on a daily basis and the same for him with me..Moving in together early on doesnt always work for everyone. But you cant compare your relationship to other people’s relationships- if your going to be/possibly be with someone do whatever makes yall feel comfortable- either take leap and chance it or wait for however long it takes for yall to be comfy with each other. One set of my grandparents started dating and within a month or so were married and were with each other until the day my grandma passed away and he never remarried.
there’s no reason not to enter into a monogamous relationship if you both want to. i’d only advise to wait before doing big life changing things that are hard to reverse, ie moving in together or getting married. you could end up regretting moving too quickly with those because if it doesn’t work out you’d have to deal with finding a new place to live or dividing possessions etc. but just committing to a relationship seems super reasonable after 4 months.
It is the number of hours together that counts. You want 200 to 300 before you know someone.
More often than not a failed relationship is better than no relationship. If you aren’t too damaged, you will learn something. But no relationship usually leads to despair.