Am I limiting my husband’s economic opportunities, or am I selfish, because I don’t want my husband to work?
I work from home, and I **love** him being home with me everyday (his line of work requires him leaving home). I make enough that he doesn’t need to work. Even if I lost my job – I’m sure I could find another one fairly quickly that could support us.
He won’t be working for the rest of the winter, and he’s fine with this. I’m certainly fine with this because I love him being home with me. I don’t want him to apply for work next year, but I’m wondering if it’ll hurt his career opportunities.
I guess this ultimately doesn’t matter because we’re* both happy. But I’m wondering if I am selfish because I want him to be a house husband.
*I’d love to hear perspectives from husbands, and from wives who are the primary income earner.*
7 comments
I’m 45 the wife that stopped working a couple of years ago. My husband makes more than enough that I don’t need to work.
I slowed down my job when our daughter had major medical issues about 10 years ago.
My slow down and then eventual stopping of work ABSOLUTELY hurt my career opportunities.
We were both on extremely good trajectories, if mine stayed as I planned. we prob would both be making similar amounts and I would have more to than hobbies and cooking.
Is it selfish if the roles were reversed?
Well, have you asked your husband what he thinks about being a stay at home spouse?
It’s only selfish if you insist on it regardless of his preferences, just like it would be if the roles were reversed.
If your husband would be happy that way, I don’t see the problem. If he’s concerned about his career prospects, then maybe a part-time position would be a better option.
Regardless it’s all about what makes each of you feel good about your roles in the relationship. I always think that looking at gay couples can be helpful, because there’s so much less assumption about gender roles and they have to figure out what works for them as individuals. A good lesson for those who may tend to make unconscious gender assumptions and forget that it’s really just about two people and finding what works for them individually and as a team.
If he’s fine with it, it’s more than okay. But try to look ahead and make sure you have a plan in place in case, god forbid, something happens and you aren’t around anymore or can no longer work.
You aren’t selfish but you do need to be certain that he doesn’t suffer from this decision. If he’s enthusiastic to take this step you need to take in mindfully. He will lose ground on his career, investments, and retirement savings so you need to make certain to fund investment and retirement accounts that he will have access to even if you divorce down the line. It would be a good idea to set up a [post-nuptial agreement](https://www.cnbc.com/2013/12/20/why-stay-at-home-moms-need-a-postnup.html).
Yes it’s selfish to want to control the life of your husband.