Help on being more confident about girls

4 comments

1. Regarding communication buy the book how to win friends and influence people. Regarding anxiety, it sounds like you have situational anxiety which is totally understandable. Perhaps you could roleplay the situation with someone.

2. The key to getting over anxiety is facing the thing that causes it. No amount of reading self-help books or soliciting advice over and over is going to be better than first hand experience. Do you have friends? If not, start by making friends who share your interests/hobbies. A rich, expansive social circle is the key to meeting more people and getting over your fear of people. You’ll face rejection and you’ll embarrass yourself but guess what? We all do that! It’s a part of living life. I can’t really speak to the Asperger’s and I know social situations are likely more challenging than for ex. me but living life in your head (i.e. anxiety) is not really living life. I mean, if you have to do something (i.e. date, make a phone call, etc.) why do it with fear. My challenge to you is: for the next month, try to talk to a stranger everyday, even if it’s just hello. You’ll find it gets easier and pretty soon, you’ll want to talk to more people and you’ll learn social cues/conventions that make it easier to know if someone’s into you or not. Good luck!

3. How are you doing around man? Maybe try and talk to a girl like you would against a man. Show interest and if you are anxious while talking just explain why.
   But most importantly try and try for practice makes perfect.
   Lastly don’t make it big like strike a conversation with the cashier about the weather or give her a compliment like I like your earrings.

4. As someone who was diagnosed with Asperger’s in my teens and only had my first kiss last year (I’m in my late 20’s) I can relate. Biggest thing for me as someone with 0 experience was being able to “catch up” virtually without going on dates and be able to recognize various social cues as well as be comfortable (aka confident) in various situations.

   At least for me, that involved getting better at naturally talking with other guys. Cus here’s the thing it’s not easier to talk to girls you’re interested in vs guys because with them you have something to lose whether it’s being rejected (always sucks) or you come off like a creep (which to me is really easy not to do once you understand boundaries & social signals). At least with talking to dudes the worst thing is you never talk to them again. Which you know happens all the time. Plenty of dating is just talking so being able to do that “naturally” to some extent matters (unless you date someone else on the spectrum then maybe not idk).

   I personally spent a lot of time watching videos on YouTube from the ‘Charisma on Command’ and ‘Charlie & Ben Podcast’ (same people different formats). They have a course that they constantly promote, but I never took it I just watched videos (did become a Patreon though). They go in depth breaking down various social situations & personality types which for someone like me that literally needs that to be explained because plenty of that I never experienced is incredibly helpful. They really do go into depth regarding psychological reasons behind situations and talk about the incentives involved. They don’t market the channel as this, but they’ve explicitly said that their content is helpful for people with Asperger’s / wherever on the spectrum which I can at least attest to. They also do recommend the aforementioned book ‘How to Win Friends & Influence People’.

   At the end of the day there’s no one size fits all solution to dating and even once you have confidence in yourself to talk to girls the hard part imo is finding the right girl which could take awhile. Don’t waste time pursuing the wrong girls or just date trying to get a kiss because you think it’s a benchmark (that’s an easy way to come off as a creep). At 22 years old you’ve got plenty of time to work to be the best version of yourself and improve your social skills. Just because of the stigma involved with Aspergers being that it’s hard to talk to girls doesn’t mean that you can’t do it (at least for me just meant it wasn’t natural although I would consider myself a social introvert now). Anxiety isn’t just going to go away, but it doesn’t have to keep you down either.